Global powerhouse of journalism the Associated Press, a non-profit collective founded in 1853 that covered some of the most significant events in human history since then – with reporters on scene shortly after both the Lincoln and Kennedy assassinations, the Pearl Harbor attack as it happened, the Allied landings at the beaches of Normandy, the Montgomery bus boycott, the falls of Saigon and the Berlin Wall, and so much more – on Monday ran a story headlined “Churches hope to tap the power of pickleball,” about congregations using the, ahem, sport to draw in new members.
“The gym at the Adventure Commons was filled with sounds of pickleball – squeaking sneakers, the thwack of a paddle hitting a ball and cheers from players after a good shot,” was the lede setting the scene by an organization for which no fewer than 37 journalists have been killed while on the job, including Joseph Morton, an American who was executed by the Nazis in January 1945.
“A dozen players filled three courts at the athletic center, run by the Adventure Christian Church, located just off exit 315 from Interstate 57 in south suburban Chicago,” and come on man, pickleball? A STORY ABOUT FUCKING PICKLEBALL? THE “CHRISTIANITY BECOMING MORE MODERN” ANGLE GIVES YOU A FEW MORE KICKS AT THAT DEAD HORSE, RIGHT? FUCK!
Okay, okay, okay. Moving on… You know if it wasn’t named pickl- Alright, alright. Forget it…