“Today, Oscar Mayer announces the ‘Wienie 500’ – a first-of-its-kind spectacle where the fleet of Wienermobiles will haul buns to the legendary Indianapolis Motor Speedway for a race unlike any other. Ahead of this year’s Indianapolis 500, which draws more than 330,000 fans who consume nearly 30,000 hot dogs, Oscar Mayer’s beloved Hotdoggers will make their racing debut on the very same track as the pros. The race will be streamed live on Friday, May 23 at 2pm ET on the FOX Sports app and across @INDYCARonFOX social accounts, and fans can catch highlights from the race during Sunday’s Indy 500 pre-race show on FOX,” says a press release from Oscar Mayer.

“The Wienie 500 will also mark the first ‘meat-up’ of all six Wienermobiles in over a decade and the first competitive race for the fleet, each sporting an all-new look. Each Wienermobile will represent a different regional dog, including the Chi Dog (Midwest), New York Dog (East), Slaw Dog (Southeast), Sonoran Dog (Southwest) Chili Dog (South) and Seattle Dog (Northwest). From custom Hotdogger racing suits, to a trophy presentation in the ‘Wiener’s Circle’, complete with a condiment spray and hot dog for the wiener’s enjoyment, every moment of the race is designed to spark smiles, serving up a delightful racing event only Oscar Mayer can,” the press release continued, turgid with anticipation over the very thought of six large phallic objects thundering down the raceway in front of fans sure to be already tantalized by the sweaty, piston-pumping main event’s overtones of dominance over submissive rivals, thunderously loud purring, and the occasional rear-ending.

Also, who the hell decided to call it the “Wiener’s Circle” and who kneels in the middle of it? Lol.