Acknowledging that it was all just kayfabe, convicted felon President Trump extended his warmest thanks to Iran on Monday after their choreographed counterattack, posting “Iran has officially responded to our Obliteration of their Nuclear Facilities with a very weak response, which we expected, and have very effectively countered. There have been 14 missiles fired – 13 were knocked down, and 1 was ‘set free,’ because it was headed in a nonthreatening direction. I am pleased to report NO Americans were harmed, and hardly any damage was done. Most importantly, they’ve gotten it all out of their ‘system,’ and there will, hopefully, be no further HATE.”

“I want to thank Iran for giving us early notice, which made it possible for no lives to be lost, and nobody to be injured. Perhaps Iran can now proceed to Peace and Harmony in the Region, and I will enthusiastically encourage Israel to do the same. Thank you for your attention to this matter!”

Why the fuck is he thanking them for firing a token volley of missiles with the express intent of not killing or harming any Americans or Qataris? How is that a good thing rather than maybe just a less bad thing? And what makes him so sure this is the only thing they’re going to do to retaliate?

“CONGRATULATIONS WORLD, IT’S TIME FOR PEACE!” the fat bastard posted after thanking the Emir of Qatar for his help defending the base, another solid from the monarch after the free luxury 747.