The sum total value of the reporting in the daily morning “tipsheets” National Zero most often reads/skims – those being Playbook by Politico, Punchbowl News AM, and, to a looser definition, Axios – just barely edges out their overall insufferableness and all-too frequent dictation by Republican malefactors. A world in which these missives aren’t composed by complete twats is a world mankind has not earned from its cruel puppeteer(s) in the heavens, thus this site is forced to remark on the grating, circlejerky hype-ified language in Wednesday’s Playbook even whilst said grating, circlejerky hype-ified language thrilled to the torment facing the GOP in the next stretch.
“ESCAPE VELOCITY: For the last 16 days, the Epstein saga has blotted out the sun inside Washington, the kind of evanescent Beltway fodder the White House insists won’t break through outside of newsletters like this one,” Playbook opens their morning edition with and God just damn you. Damn you to hell. Like seriously go see a physical therapist for the neck strain from sucking your own… Ughhhh, anyway yeah once they get to the actual quotes it’s entertaining shit.
“The best hope of getting OBBB to break through is having Trump hammer it home. So anything that knocks him off of that message and steers the conversation to things that divide Rs and force members onto the defensive is a hindrance,” said one “prominent Republican strategist who has worked on Senate races” and holy fuck this guy seriously wants the party to change the subject from Epstein to their bill which just knocked 10 million people off of their health insurance, lol.
“I don’t suppose that this is the number-one issue for voters in America by any stretch, but it may be the number-one issue for the loudest voters,” said Brendan Buck, former top adviser to Republican Speakers John Boehner and Paul Ryan. “It’s very clear that there are going to be a lot of people asking a lot of questions over recess when they get back home,” Buck continued, pissing his pants in anticipation of another string of town hall shitshows the GOP deserves. “It should be very clear that Democrats are having a very good time with this at Republicans’ expense. And Republicans don’t seem to quite appreciate that, and are kind of letting themselves be taken for a ride.”
On that good time, Playbook rattles off some Dem talking points they obtained, such as “House Republicans are so scared of releasing the Epstein Files that they are shutting down the House and keeping Congress out of session for more than a month to avoid a vote that would make this information public,” but cautioning members that because kitchen table blah blah blah blah.
Punchbowl meanwhile on Wednesday was much more succinct and matter of fact-y about the third week of Epsteinghazi, writing it “debacle, there’s enough blame to go around – between the White House and GOP leadership… Trump is giving Hill Republicans absolutely no cover here. The White House’s posture seems to be that the House Republicans should suck it up and back Trump over Epstein. By giving the White House the month until September to release documents, Johnson has all but guaranteed that the story continues. Rep Thomas Massie’s (R-Ky) discharge petition ripens in September. And the larger question for the White House is whether House Republicans will break with the president here – and if they do, where else will they split with Trump?” Not good, boys.
At Axios, the Epstein bullet points were tucked into a larger picture of political malaise for fat Donald, writing, without direct attribution of the quote, that the fat fuck is apparently genuinely starting to worry about fissures in his cult, saying “Why don’t they trust me? What more can I do?”
“• Reality check: Unhappiness with Trump hasn’t turned into popularity for Democrats. In a CNN poll out last week, just 28 percent of Americans had a favorable view of the Democratic Party – the low point in more than 30 years of CNN polling.” Never change, Axios… You fucking cocksuckers.
Speaking of Axios, circlejerks, Jeffrey Epstein, and Republicans, here’s Tom Emmer getting visibly frustrated this morning after being asked about the situation at an Axios circlejerk event:
Yeah, they’re so fucked, lol.