“I am going to lead a movement to get rid of MAIL-IN BALLOTS, and also, while we’re at it, Highly ‘Inaccurate,’ Very Expensive, and Seriously Controversial VOTING MACHINES, which cost Ten Times more than accurate and sophisticated Watermark Paper, which is faster, and leaves NO DOUBT, at the end of the evening, as to who WON, and who LOST, the Election. We are now the only Country in the World that uses Mail-In Voting. All others gave it up because of the MASSIVE VOTER FRAUD ENCOUNTERED. WE WILL BEGIN THIS EFFORT, WHICH WILL BE STRONGLY OPPOSED BY THE DEMOCRATS BECAUSE THEY CHEAT AT LEVELS NEVER SEEN BEFORE, by signing an EXECUTIVE ORDER to help bring HONESTY to the 2026 Midterm Elections,” posted convicted felon President Trump on Monday, getting a head start on Stop the Steal 3.0 for the big 2026 midterms.

“Remember, the States are merely an ‘agent’ for the Federal Government in counting and tabulating the votes. They must do what the Federal Government, as represented by the President of the United States, tells them, FOR THE GOOD OF OUR COUNTRY, to do,” Trump continued, just making this up as he goes along after his party’s long-held opposition to the federalization of elections.

“With their HORRIBLE Radical Left policies, like Open Borders, Men Playing in Women’s Sports, Transgender and ‘WOKE’ for everyone, and so much more, Democrats are virtually Unelectable without using this completely disproven Mail-In SCAM. ELECTIONS CAN NEVER BE HONEST WITH MAIL IN BALLOTS/VOTING, and everybody, IN PARTICULAR THE DEMOCRATS, KNOWS THIS. I, AND THE REPUBLICAN PARTY, WILL FIGHT LIKE HELL TO BRING HONESTY AND INTEGRITY BACK TO OUR ELECTIONS. THE MAIL-IN BALLOT HOAX, USING VOTING MACHINES THAT ARE A COMPLETE AND TOTAL DISASTER, MUST END, NOW!!! REMEMBER, WITHOUT FAIR AND HONEST ELECTIONS, AND STRONG AND POWERFUL BORDERS, YOU DON’T HAVE EVEN A SEMBLANCE OF A COUNTRY.”

“THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER! DONALD J TRUMP, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA” the angry, scared old man concluded his deranged rant.

So a couple of things here: First, it’d be tough to argue that the 180 Trump and the GOP executed last year – or really just his handlers mostly successfully talking him into shutting the fuck up with his anti-mail-in-ballot tirades after they definitely did in fact harm the party in 2020 and 2022 – was the determinative factor in his win. But it’s not impossible and there’s no question that there were significantly more early in-person/mail-in votes cast for the GOP compared to the previous two cycles. Which makes it pretty interesting how the fat fuck is determined to simply unlearn that lesson, one in which both the downside and upside were distinctly demonstrated in separate cycles.

Second and similarly, if he could’ve done it already he would’ve done it already. There’s almost zero chance he did not at least order his first maladministration’s staff – back in 2020 when there were the “adults in the room” to draw up the same exact executive order when his own fat ass was directly on the line – and they told him no, there’s no point, it would be shot down by a judge immediately, focus instead on empowering the RNC’s legal department to file thousands of lawsuits to fuck up and distract local election offices. There’s no reason to expect that to have meaningfully changed, except now he’s (probably) just going to sign the order anyway only to be ignored by local election officials on advice of their counsels in Dem jurisdictions and contested in MAGA ones.