“🚨 BREAKING: Trump reacts to report that ‘deranged’ Jack Smith tracked private communications, calls of GOP senators during J6 probe” reads a Tuesday morning push notification sent from Truth Social to users who are broken enough to have the app installed on their smartphones, alerting them to a post in which the convicted felon president allegedly reacted to the big news in the MAGAverse that the former Justice Department special counsel had subpoenaed the data on the fat bastard’s allies as part of his investigation into the post-2020 election “Stop the Steal” conspiracy.
The notification was actually longer than the post itself, in which Trump wrote “Deranged Jack Smith got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. A real sleazebag!!!” raising questions about whether the president had bothered to absorb even the most cursory of details from the “reporting,” as “cookie jar” would to most people imply some sort of graft or bribery rather than prosecutorial overreach.
As for the reporting itself, we really need an “eyeroll with hand jerking-off motion” emoji to properly respond to the “BOMBSHELL” that Smith had sought to obtain the phone records of Senators Lindsey Graham, Bill Hagerty, Josh Hawley, Dan Sullivan, Tommy Tuberville, Ron “RonAnon” Johnson, Cynthia Lummis, Marsha Blackburn, and Pennsylvania MAGA Congressman Mike Kelly from on or around January 6, 2021. Lindsey nearly got indicted in Georgia, RonAnon tried to bring fake electoral certificates for Wisconsin and Michigan into the Capitol, and Mike Kelly sued to block his state from certifying Joe Biden’s win. They all voted against certifying the election result, knowing full well that the fat fuck lost a free and fair election and as such they were part of a criminal conspiracy, even if their involvement did not rise to prosecutable offenses outside of Speech and Debate – or at least ones Smith was confident would end in a conviction and hold up on appeal.
That’s it, and one would think that a crew trying to find a way to indict George Soros for something something Antifa riots would appreciate how complex political conspiracy cases are built.