“In response to the political assassination of national hero Charlie Kirk and the disturbing rise of leftist violence across the country, Attorney General Ken Paxton has launched undercover investigations into various groups affiliated with left-wing political violence known to be operating in Texas. ‘Leftist political terrorism is a clear and present danger. Corrupted ideologies like transgenderism and Antifa are a cancer on our culture and have unleashed their deranged and drugged-up foot soldiers on the American people,’ said Attorney General Paxton. ‘The martyrdom of Charlie Kirk marks a turning point in America. There can be no compromise with those who want us dead. To that end, I have directed my office to continue its efforts to identify, investigate, and infiltrate these leftist terror cells. To those demented souls who seek to kill, steal, and destroy our country, know this: you cannot hide, you cannot escape, and justice is coming.'”

“The radical Left has incubated an environment where political violence is not only justified but celebrated and praised. In July, two dozen armed leftists connected to various Texas-based Antifa-like groups ambushed an Immigration and Customs Enforcement facility in Alvarado, Texas. On September 10, 2025, a leftist assassin connected to the radical transgender movement murdered Charlie Kirk because of Kirk’s bold support for truth, love of country, and unshakable faith.”

“Two weeks later, another deranged leftist opened fire at an ICE facility in Dallas. President Donald Trump has officially designated Antifa as a domestic terrorist organization and instructed his administration to ‘utilize all applicable authorities to investigate, disrupt, and dismantle any and all illegal operations – especially those involving terrorist actions – conducted by Antifa.’ Building on President Trump’s bold actions, Attorney General Paxton has instructed his office to initiate sweeping investigations into radical leftist organizations engaged in or providing support to those performing political violence,” says Picasso-faced Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton’s office.

Okay, soooooooooo rather than going through that, um, press release, it might be more fun or instructive to instead just see what a typical AI assistant thinks of it in a vacuum, that “Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton” is changed to “Bay City District Attorney Mike Sullivan,” etc, and the text appended to the question of “Hi, I wrote this press release for my boss. Is it okay?”

Huh. Seems like ChatGPT even kind of had trouble figuring out where to start here. One thing that’s missing from the response however is the fact that a real law enforcement official would have waited until the operation had successfully dismantled a leftist terrorist network after that fact instead of fucking announcing beforehand to these purported organizations that they should be extra cautious because the crooked-eyed philanderer is sending “undercover” agents after them.

Then again even that’s probably giving Ol’ Pax too much credit here and this is all a performative campaign ad in service of his primary bid against “RINO” Senator John Cornhole Cornyn.