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Harvard opening internal investigation into Larry Summers

In a statement to student paper the Crimson, Harvard University leadership confirmed that “the University is conducting a review of information concerning individuals at Harvard included in the newly released Jeffrey Epstein documents to evaluate what actions may be warranted,” namely against former University President/current professor of multiple courses Larry Summers.

For those keeping score at home, this means that the British Royal family derogated the tertiary claimant to the throne, the civilian government of the same nation fired their ambassador to the United States, the skippers of no fewer than three major financial institutions have been felled, and the most prestigious university in the world are putting together their case for eventually banishing their otherwise popular and revered former leader – all for their connections to Dirty Jeff.

Meanwhile the President of the United States is “a good man who protects women. That’s what real men do,” according to a certain member of his party, who would not dare dream of visiting any similarly grave consequences upon him for being potentially inculpated in Jeff’s crimes.

Oh and his accomplice gets free toilet paper for telling Trump’s toady what he wanted to hear.

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