“Hellmann’s Mayonnaise is returning to football’s biggest stage for the sixth consecutive year with a new :30 commercial, airing during the Big Game, continuing to remind fans that the perfect game day always starts with great taste,” says a press release from Hellmann’s Mayonnaise.

Wait, which “Big Game”? Why’s that a proper noun in this context? What sport are we talking about here anyway? Is it even a sport? Call of Duty is a big game. So is chess. This is so confusing.

“This season, Hellmann’s has continued to strengthen its existing presence across football culture, from the launch of House of Hellmann’s, its first-ever fashion-meets-football collaboration, to its spirited ‘Do Dip’ campaign, which brought together diehard supporters and fair-weather fans alike over their shared love for game day dishes. Together, these initiatives set the stage for Hellmann’s biggest moment of the season on February 8th,” the press release continued and ooh so the key words in there are “football” and that date at the end. Plus the image of a jar of Hellmann’s on the field of a football stadium with “2.8.2026” on the graphic indicate it is indeed a big football game.

Hmmm… So on February 8th there’s a big football game for which Hellmann’s Mayonnaise is asserting its close association with yet they do not provide any further specifics as to the nature of this game, not even the name of the entity that organizes and stages it. The press release repeatedly uses the term “Big Game,” almost to the point of presumption of familiarity with it and the importance of its broadcast’s advertising breaks to inform viewers about Hellmann’s products.

It’s as though these neurodivergent mayonnaise weirdos never heard of the fucking Super Bowl.