I unironically ended JD Vances entire fucking presidential campaign by calling him fat LMAO.

— Clavicular (@Clavicular0) December 31, 2025

Now you are definitely, not probably, asking “Who the hell is ‘Clavicular’ and what evidence is there in support of his claim to have ended Jaydee’s yet-to-be-launched 2028 presidential bid?” which is completely fair given this site’s history of questionable editorial discernment in elevations of low-tier internet personalities. Yet fairness goes both ways and interrogatory obligates attention.

So either hear it from The Bulwark’s Tim Miller, who on the Wednesday edition of his podcast played a clip of Daily Wire wiener Michael Knowles’s plainly dismayed reaction to Señor Clavicular’s quasi-endorsement of California Gov Gavin Newsom based solely on looks… and then played it again as Miller and his guest John Heilemann from Puck were cracking up too hard to fully appreciate it…

(Below embed fast-forwarded to the relevant segment)

…or just read this brief description: Clavicular, a Groyper-adjacent bro influencer whose nom de guerre is a nod to how the looksmaxxer community puts a high value on prominent or well-defined clavicles (visible, sharp collarbones) as a sign of physical superiority over “subhumans” like JD Vance. Knowles’s reaction to Clavicular using that specific phrasing and asking him to elaborate only escalated the hilarity as the young plastic surgery patient/workout enthusiast then mixed MRA slang like “mog” and “Chad” with overly technical Third Reich-era phrenological jargon like a “recessed side profile,” all while favoring the objectively handsome liberal former San Francisco mayor

Let’s skip a lengthy, BuzzFeed-style compendium of regular MAGA schmuck responses to of Clavicular takes and settle for just one that neatly captures the unsubtle angst it generated:

Incredibly dumb & homo to be judging men based on their looks. Thats what we criticized women for doing. This isn’t how we built civilization or achieved accomplishments. Newsom wants to flood the country with non white military aged males

— Adam (@Adamvstime) January 1, 2026

So yeah, even if this Clavicular assclown himself may be small potatoes, his articulation of the shortcomings of Jaydee’s facial/cranial structure may find purchase and flap a lot of jawbones among the coalition Vance seeks to lead to victory in 2028. Might just be a storyline.

In related news, while this mini-internecine conflict was unfolding over the past week, Clavicular also ran a “stalker” over with his Cybertruck on a Christmas Eve livestream and was banned from “Kick”:

Breaking: streamer Clavicular banned on Kick after appearing to run someone over with his cyber truck. *CRUNCH* "Is he dead?" pic.twitter.com/mlo8wa6C1y

— I,Hypocrite (@lporiginalg) December 25, 2025

On Thursday TMZ reported that the Miami-Dade Sheriff’s Office determined that no charges will be filed over the attempted Clavicular manslaughter. That, along with his reinstatement on Kick, was the good news for the bro influencer that day… The bad news is that he revealed to his fans that his steroid abuse had left him sterile and thus unable to procreate. Real shame that part.