A press release from the Monroe County, Florida Sheriff’s Office reveals that at a few boats slipped past Pete Hegseth’s pew-pew patrols over the past few months – and yet one cartel crew still lost a few keys near the Keys due to more commonplace hazards. Then a local salt found some and…

“A 65 year-old Marathon, Florida, charter boat captain selling drugs reportedly found at sea was arrested on Jan 19, 2026, following a Sheriff’s Office-led investigation that led to the seizure of more than 20 kilograms of cocaine, a 38-foot vessel, and thousands of dollars in cash. Bradford Todd Picariello was charged with trafficking cocaine, selling cocaine, and possessing cocaine.”

“Sheriff’s Office Special Operations Detectives purchased a kilogram of cocaine from Picariello for $10,000 in cash on Jan 19, 2026, following an investigation assisted by High Intensity Drug Trafficking Area investigators, US Customs and Border Protection, US Border Patrol, US Drug and Enforcement Administration, and CBP Air and Marine Operations. Approximately 23 kilograms were seized altogether, along with $8,000 in cash, and a 38-foot vessel. A .40-caliber handgun was also seized. Picariello was taken to jail. The case is expected to be prosecuted federally,” the release says. And yes, Captain Bradford Todd is a registered Republican voter. You guessed it.

In mostly unrelated news, a Connecticut snow plow driver was arrested after he plowed his truck into a house in the town of Fairfield, later admitting to cops he put a blizzard up his nose.