Yeah. The “Clanton” really ties it up nicely, right? However, as is often found in certain, often smaller, jurisdictions where a particular office is “technically” non-partisan it seems that the now-former mayor of DeRidder, Louisiana took that extra seriously and not only ran as an independent on a non-ideological, just solve problems platform, she even personally registered to vote as unaffiliated.

She’s also not-so-technically no longer a Clanton either, since her husband Duncan Clanton, who is in fact a registered Republican, divorced her at some point since July 20, 2024. Why?

Well, you already got a lot from the headline but damn People Magazine did a solid job with their aggregated summary sourced from local news that the unnamed DoorDash guy testified last week that he delivered the emergency contraceptive to the now-Misty Roberts’s home following the night in question. It’s after that pretty darkly comedic element that each of the stories further upstream from People mag get actually legitimately heartbreaking as Roberts faces jurors on charges of carnal knowledge of a juvenile and indecent behavior with a juvenile. It’s her kids – and apparently a nephew – that have gone through hell on this being pushed into testifying against her.

Sorry to end on a downer, it’s just not always that the balance of tragedy and comedy tips toward the former on closer examination. This is one of those times as the hell this maniac inflicted on her kids and husband (the then-16 year-old victim himself is scarcely mentioned in the coverage) is halting and legitimately difficult to reprint here even if technically not all that gruesome or vulgar.