Convicted felon President Trump’s minions tell CNN they’re getting really antsy over this whole not-really-well-thought-out-in-advance war in Iran thing, with one sharing the internal strategy of “Let’s just hope something doesn’t go really wrong… Because if that happens, it’s going to be a problem.”

“It’s a political risk, no ands, ifs or buts,” the anonymous “Trump adviser” also said, fretting what’ll happen if the conflict stretches on for weeks, with CNN writing that Team Orange is pressing their dear leader to “accelerate his timeline and declare victory as soon as he credibly can.”

L-o-fucking-L at the “credibly” part. Iran could fire 1,000 missiles in a single volley, leveling every skyscraper in Dubai, killing tens of thousands, and Trump would still declare victory by saying he never really liked Dubai that much anyway. He doesn’t give a shit. Not that it wouldn’t be interesting to know what exactly these sources – if they really qualified it with “credibly” – meant by it (Also that hypothetical’s “could” is about how Trump would react and not to speak to any capability on Iran’s part. They may not have 1,000 such missiles left and who knows if they actually want to level Dubai).

“It’s very much about managing expectations,” said a GOP official on the matter of the poorly set expectations of swift victory and installation of an at least friendly-enough regime change of three days ago now being at a lower bar of mere “stability,” with the official adding that’s still “a pretty daunting task.” Another Trump adviser said “What’s going to matter to normal people is where we are three to four months from now. And as always, it’s the same: Is the price of electricity going down, are the price of groceries going down?” as though the Trump Regime wasn’t launching a directionless war that has already killed six troops to compensate for other shortcomings.

And yes, the whole Trump presidency is compensating for his small penis. You’re very astute, reader.