Republican donors down on Vice President JD Vance’s subhuman jawline and laborious pettifoggery are instead looking to invest in Secretary of State Marco Rubio as the clarion of tough-talking, no bullshit, 100 percent authentically always-says-what-he’s-thinking messenger of America First to defeat the pro-Iranian homo leftist party’s Denmark First candidate in 2028, ABC News reports.

Some in the party disputed the notion that the donor class would be successful in reinventing Rubio, a brown-skinned Floridian with a vaguely foreign twang to his speech who would have to work hard to win over the large swathes of conservative voters who desire to see him deported back to Cuba.

“Donors don’t pick the nominee — the base picks,” a GOP operative told ABC. “Donors tried to abandon President Trump and tried to pick [Florida Gov Ron] DeSantis, and we all saw how that went,” the operative added, unintentionally alluding to the reality that a President Ron DeSantis in early 2026 would probably be hovering at about a 51 percent approval rating to 35 percent disapprove amid accelerated immigration enforcement carried out competently and with little to no collateral damage, economic growth unencumbered by delusional trade policy or directionless military action in the Middle East, and effective entrenchment of conservative cultural priorities in healthcare, education, and law enforcement, all leaving Democrats facing grim electoral prospects.