In a final determination certain to be met with shock to those previously under the misconception that the presence of an angry, charging elephant represents a middle- or even longer-term threat to one’s health, the Bradford, England Coroner’s Court – with the help of Zambian Ministry of Tourism officials – concluded that retired teacher Janet Taylor Easton’s tragic July 3, 2025 death at the feet and trunk of an enraged pachyderm happened in “a matter of seconds,” the BBC reports.

Janet Taylor Easton, 67, died along with her New Zealander cousin Alison Taylor, 67, while on an on-foot safari excursion with a larger group in Zambia’s South Luangwa National Park. From the BBC’s article at least it would seem the tour guide had exercised due caution, spotting a solitary female elephant with a near-adult juvenile calf and leading the vacationers on a path downwind and at a measured distance to avoid the beasts. “What happened next is described as happening in a matter of seconds,” Assistant coroner Caroline Chandler said in court as she summarized the Zambian officials’ account. “The tracker saw the elephant charging from behind and shouted towards the scout who fired a warning shot. The elephant did not stop. The elephant reached the group very quickly and Janice fell,” Chandler continued, and no, not a typo. Janice was Janet’s nickname.

So Chandler was kind enough to refer to her as such but at no point anywhere in the BBC’s reporting is the coroner deputy quoted as having mentioned what happened to her cousin, who was also killed by the elephant. You think the Brits would’ve shaken the whole callous disregard for the lives of New Zealanders thing after Gallipoli but evidently Alison wasn’t of much concern. Then there’s the BBC writing that Janice’s “cause of death was traumatic thoracic injuries and elephant attack” which is an interesting mix of exacting medical terminology with what laypeople would understand as fatal.

Really only the Zambians come out of this looking good: The guides who tried to protect the women and the officials who worked with the Bradford coroner who, along with the BBC, look like jackasses.