“Tuesday will be Power Plant Day, and Bridge Day, all wrapped up in one, in Iran. There will be nothing like it!!! Open the Fuckin’ Strait, you crazy bastards, or you’ll be living in Hell – JUST WATCH!”
“Praise be to Allah,” posted convicted felon President Trump at 8:03 AM on Sunday, his brain swelling like a freshly microwaved Peep as he threatened war crimes against Iranian civilians and, to National Zero’s knowledge, apparent used “fuck” in a social media post for the first time ever.
The crazy bastard also posted “We have rescued the seriously wounded, and really brave, F-15 Crew Member/Officer, from deep inside the mountains of Iran. The Iranian Military was looking hard, in big numbers, and getting close. He is a highly respected Colonel. This type of raid is seldom attempted because of the danger to ‘man and equipment.’ It just doesn’t happen! The second raid came after the first one, where we rescued the pilot in broad daylight, also unusual, spending seven hours over Iran. An AMAZING show of bravery and talent! I will be having a News Conference, with the Military, at the Oval Office, on Monday, at 1:00 PM. God Bless our great MILITARY WARRIORS!”