Too bad about the bone spurs though. To think that horrible condition was the only thing holding him back from jumping out of a plane over Ho Chi Mihn City with just an M-16 rifle, an M1911 pistol, and a few grenades, and personally taking out the NVA command like it he was playing Call of Duty: Black Ops on the Xbox 360 and was showing the kids how it’s done… America’s worst defeat could’ve been its greatest victory if it wasn’t for that dickhead doctor stopping Trump from serving.

Ahem. Yes he did say “if I were president,” meaning he would’ve secured the victory that Lyndon Johnson and Richard Nixon – both of whom were significantly more intelligent, mentally stable, and capable of paying attention than their embarrassment of an eventual successor – could not.

Trump also told CNBC he would’ve won the Iraq War. America did win the Iraq War. Not cleanly, no. Not even close. But to say the US lost it like Vietnam is simply some pretty lazy bullshit.

Here’s the rest of the lowlight reel… Some editing errors on the timing, but nobody could seriously argue that it wouldn’t be thematically consistent with his failing mental health:

In summary, should you not want to slog though it, Trump ranted about the Fed building renovation project and suggested Jerome Powell was personally taking a cut of the proceeds, declared the United States had taken out Iran’s navy, air force, and leaders, calling it regime change, that he expected to resume bombing Iran soon since the military was raring to go. The fat bastard brushed aside concerns about potential war crimes in Iran by saying actions would hurt them militarily.

Oh and he’s really excited about the ballroom.