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Team Orange trying to lower expectations in frozen wasteland

Disgraced former President Trump’s campaign is trying to manage the expectations they’ve spent the last few months mismanaging for Monday’s Iowa GOP caucus after weather forecasts have called for wind chills as low as fucking -40° F just as his legions of fans in the state are supposed to be turning out for him in a crushing victory over his rivals “Birdbrain” and “Tiny D,” CNN reports.

“The weather issue may take away the intensity. But first of all, a win’s a win. And I know the expectations, but no one’s ever won Iowa by more than 12 points now. So that’s our goal,” a Trump minion tells CNN, even though the goal was like 30+ percent. “As the president made clear this weekend, he totally gets it as it relates to, you know, making sure that you show up making sure that you turn out. That’s been our focus. That’s been our message and that’s what it’ll continue to be.”

The Trump minion said the campaign has hired SUV drivers to fan out and drive reluctant Iowans to the caucus precincts “They’re in key areas where we want to be able to turn people out and, and where maybe the weather would make a difference,” the sycophant continued on a plan that we were to understand was a big no-no and basically “ballot harvesting” but what the hell do we know.

As far the managing expectations thing goes though, Trump himself isn’t into it, posting “Ron DeSanctimonious has just dropped to a solid third place in the new Suffolk University Poll, as Birdbrain, who performed poorly in the last debate against him, nevertheless overtakes Ron in Iowa. TRUMP, however, surges to a 34 Point lead, ‘knowing that his people will vote no matter how cold it gets. They will walk on glass for him in order to MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN'” on Truth Social Friday morning, making it clear he thinks he’s going to win by far greater than 12 percent.

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