Convicted felon former President Trump on Monday toggled the caps lock and posted “DRUG TEST FOR CROOKED JOE BIDEN??? I WOULD, ALSO, IMMEDIATELY AGREE TO ONE!!!” as if a company such as CNN wouldn’t have the resources to administer a piss test to both men prior to the debate.

If we’re going to indulge this then we guess it’s on the Biden campaign and CNN to call the bluff and schedule it for Thursday evening in Atlanta, maybe even have Jake Tapper and Dana Bash read the results right at the beginning just to embarrass the fat bastard and throw him off his “game.”

In related news, CNN on Monday printed an article headlined “First debate of the cycle has a history tripping up former presidents,” and by that they mean “incumbents,” since historically the sitting president has had a hard time in their first round with a challenger who is fresher off of multiple face-offs against primary opponents. It’s not until the twelfth paragraph that they finally mention that “Trump skipped this year’s Republican primary debates, passing up a training exercise past challengers have enjoyed. In some ways, that puts both men on equal footing when they walk onto Thursday’s debate stage,” which in some ways undermines the article’s entire premise.

Almost as stupid and mainstream media circlejerky on Monday was the New York Times’s “The Voters Watching the Debate With a Hand Over Their Eyes,” quoting from apprehensive libs worrying about how Biden will fare against the fat fuck. “I’m fearful, I really am,” said one Dem voter hailing from The Villages, Florida (lol). For “balance,” the Times includes quotes from Philly-area Trump fans saying shit like Donald “has [Biden] in the debate, hands down,” and another declaring the Orange Allah “is going to eat him up and spit him out. I’m going to make popcorn. I’m having a party.”