A DDOS attack on computers at a Friday conference in St Petersburg delayed a speech by Russian dictator Vladimir Putin for over an hour, the New York Times reports. It’s not clear who was behind the attack on the annual St. Petersburg International Economic Forum, once called “Russia’s Davos” before the evil little bastard drove everyone else away, but it was sorted out and Vlad was able to make his “extremely important” address, which was mostly just anti-America rants. “[Russia is] the messenger of the Lord on Earth,” said Vlad, adding “If [Americans] are exceptional, then that means that everyone else is second-class… Russia is entering the approaching epoch as a powerful, sovereign country. We will certainly use the new, colossal opportunities that this era is opening in front of us and will become even stronger.” Must’ve hired Kim Jong Un’s speechwriter.