Several years after the Mueller Investigation implicated then-President Trump in at least 10 instances of obstruction of justice, DC Metro police on Friday confirmed Mueller and his wife were killed Thursday by a lightning strike in the park adjacent to the White House.
The deceased were Jim and Donna Mueller, tourists in their mid-70s from Janesville, Wisconsin with no known relation to former FBI director and Trump-Russia investigation Special Counsel Robert Mueller, but we wanted to mislead our right wing readers into thinking somehow God smote their once feared and hated enemy who in 2017 and 2018 represented a grave threat to the Trump Administration. Of course we’ll be accused of clickbaiting readers with such a headline and lede, and we plead guilty as charged. However in our defense, we like to think of our clickbait as existing on a separate plane as that of inferior news aggregator sites like Raw Story.
They and their ilk do it to mislead readers with headlines like “Republican Congressman says Trump will be indicted” so you have already clicked and they got 75 cents from you impression of the five dozen autoplay video ads on the page by the time you see that the “Republican Congressman” is fucking Adam Kinzinger. Our clickbait is meant simply to troll you for our own amusement.