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Tyler Robinson named in Charlie Kirk assassination

Sources tell the New York Post that the suspect in custody in MAGA activist Charlie Kirk’s assassination has been identified as a 22 year-old local man named Tyler Robinson.

Numerous tweets corroborating a man of Robinson’s same build, age, and sneakers as the person seen in the surveillances images distributed by law enforcement line up with a Facebook profile for a Matthew Robinson living in Washington, Utah (which is actually 270 miles away from Orem, so the Post effed that “local” detail up), which matches a voter registration listing Tyler as an unaffiliated voter who lives with his two registered Republican parents. Proooobably not a “trantifa terrorist,” lol.

Aaaaand Patriot Takes is reporting Tyler wore a Trump Halloween costume in 2017.

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Tired old man thinks Kirk assassination suspect in custody

Convicted felon President Trump on Friday claimed with a “high degree of certainty” during his Fox and Friends bit that the assassin who shot MAGA activist Charlie Kirk in Utah on Wednesday is in law enforcement custody, saying “I just heard about it five minutes before I walked in… they have the person that they wanted. So you have breaking news, don’t you eh? You always have breaking news, Ainsley. Sean’s gonna be very disappointed that we’re not doing it on his show.”

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Kremlin says Ukraine peace talks “on pause”

Power player Vlad Putin has pressed the pause button on his diplomacy game controller that he left idling while continuing to pew-pew Ukrainian targets anyway, Bloomberg reports, noting that this is less than a month after the big Alaska “summit” that convicted felon President Trump’s regime claimed would lead to real peace talks. Calculating how many more than 24 hours it has been…

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North Korea increasing executions for consuming foreign media

“The overall human rights situation in the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (DPRK) has not improved over the past decade and, in many instances, has degraded, bringing even more suffering to the population, a report published by the UN Human Rights Office on Friday has found.”

“Today, the death penalty is more widely allowed by law and implemented in practice. Enjoyment of freedom of expression and access to information have significantly regressed, with the implementation of severe new punishments, including the death penalty, for a range of acts including the sharing of foreign media such as TV dramas. The surveillance of the population has become even more pervasive, aided by advances in technology,” says the UN Office of the High Commissioner for Human Rights in a Friday press release about a new report on fat Kim’s kingdom.

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Stupid MAGA Reich squeezing out incisive Trump 9/11 parody

Had all these plans for a “Trump was secretly behind 9/11 attacks” satire and even went so far as to create the intentionally amateurish header image to color inside the lines of usage law because man did the fat slob look like he had a transient ischemic attack or something this morning.

Then all of his actual evil and the gruesome death of one of his top minions got in the way of what would have been a few hundred words “connecting the dots” on how Trump wanted the tallest building in Lower Manhattan so he used his Saudi connections to pay Al-Qaeda to send the hijackers and destroy the World Trade Center, the obvious joke being that it’s got more plausibility than 90 percent of the MAGA conspiracy bullshit out there. Maybe wouldn’t have been one of the all-time classics of National Zero satirical efforts measured by cleverness but it would’ve struck all the right chords. Especially how it would’ve fucking been essentially canonical to the mythos of conservative media if Trump had ran and won as a Dem instead of a Republican. Good enough for a few laughs.

Well at least it’s still September 11th for the next 13 minutes, thus this lament is timely.

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Chip Roy calls for select panel to help his Texas AG campaign

“I respectfully request that the House of Representatives form a select committee on ‘The money, influence, and power behind the radical left’s assault on America and the rule of law.’ In the wake of numerous attacks on our way of life, the destruction of the rule of law, and the murder of innocent Americans, prominent and unknown alike, we must take every step to follow the money and uncover the force behind the NGOs, donors, media, public officials, and all entities driving this coordinated attack. The patterns are undeniable: we are witnessing a sustained breakdown of law and order, fueled not by chance, but by anti-American ideology. Of course, we witnessed the 2024 assassination attempt on President Trump as well as the 2017 shooting of Republican lawmakers at baseball practice, but it goes well beyond politicians and to the people themselves.”

“We have seen targets placed on the Family Research Council and Charlie Kirk by the Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC) only to witness shootings toward each, including the tragic assassination of Charlie just this week, after being placed on the SPLC’s notorious “Hate Map” three months ago. We have seen dangerous networks like Antifa organize, fund, and deploy sophisticated terror campaigns attacking law enforcement and destroying American cities. We have seen George Soros, the Wren Collective, and other radical organizations funding and putting in place District Attorneys” and blah blah blah writes Congressman Chip “Colonel Sanders” Roy in a press release.

Jesus Christ dude just say “Jews.” Everyone knows that’s what you mean so cut to the chase.

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Turns out the ATF is a disgraceful clusterfuck too

God Stephen Crowder is such a tool but it does not appear he’s actually in any trouble so much as someone at the ATF is trying to figure out who the hell purposely leaked false information to him to try to feed the narrative that Crowder and the rest of them are just fucking desperate to see realized… After all it was what Kirk was talking about the very second he was fatally shot.

“Investigators found ammunition engraved with expressions of transgender and antifascist ideology inside the rifle that authorities believe was used in the fatal shooting of Charlie Kirk, according to an internal law-enforcement bulletin and a person familiar with the investigation,” the Wall Street Journal reported Thursday morning in the first version of their update on the uh, “evidence.”

“An early bulletin circulated widely among law enforcement officials said investigators found ammunition engraved with expressions of transgender and antifascist ideology inside the rifle that authorities believe was used in the fatal shooting of Charlie Kirk. But some officials later Thursday cautioned against reaching conclusions based on the internal report,” the article was later revised to say, emphasis added on the part where they kind of admitted it was probably bullshit.

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Walmart abruptly changes emotional support alligator policy

West Brownsville, Pennsylvania Pastor Wesley Silva tells NBC News the local Walmart suddenly stopped being cool with him bringing his 5 ft long, 32 lbs emotional support alligator Jinseioshi inside with him during shopping trips despite years of welcoming the beast inside.

“We have been going to that Walmart for about 3 1/2 years and normally the reaction is, ‘That’s pretty cool’ or ‘That is awesome that you have a pet alligator, man!'” Silva said. A Walmart corporate spokesperson seemed to indicate that welcome was more just a case of that particular store not being aware of the retailer’s national alligator policy. “The safety of our customers and associates is our highest priority. We welcome service animals in our stores, but it is unacceptable to expose members of the public to potential danger,” the company said in statement.

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Jair Bolsonaro convicted in 2022 Brazil coup attempt

There’s another Earth out there in the multiverse where the headline’s in all caps and the nouns have been changed – as well as the year – and the story ran some time in late May. An Earth where Charlie Kirk is railing against President Kamala Harris’s choice of pantsuit for the September 11th memorial ceremony, where French, Polish, and British troops are driving truck after truck after truck full of ammo and lethal drones to support the Ukrainian offensive to capture Sebastopol, where Hunter Biden’s podcast interview of Don Jr was two weeks ago and Mediaite is still posting stupid articles about it, where National Zero’s Soros Bucks memecoin faces a major SEC investigation for fraud and Spartan keeps complaining that Abbe Lowell is too goddamned expensive…

Oh wait the same headline above would’ve ran too because disgraced Jair Bolsonaro was convicted by a panel vote of the Brazilian Supreme Court Thursday of his failed post-2022 election coup attempt following his embarrassing defeat to now-President Luiz Lula, the AP reports.

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Eric Adams needs more media attention

Stupid New York City Mayor Eric Adams needed more media attention on Thursday so he told business leaders he was considering dropping out of his doomed reelection bid, WNBC devotes attention to. Sources in the room for the attention grab said the attention whore explained he would continue to watch polls, which aren’t getting any better for him, and adding that races are not determined until the last four weeks. Responding to WNBC’s attention, Adams campaign officials probably took a long sip of their exquisite Turkish coffee and said the mayor would commission his own poll to determine his next move before they resumed browsing vacation packages to the stunning Aegean sea resort town of Alanya using someone else’s credit card number.

The sources told WNBC that Adams had told the business leaders that he badmouthed rival former New York State Governor Andrew Cuomo but then said “I love the city more than I dislike Andrew.”

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The radical left’s violent rhetoric must become a capital crime

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Capitol cops responding to “incident” at DNC headquarters

“Capitol Police are responding to an incident at the Democratic National Committee (DNC) Headquarters. Staff are asked to remain clear of the police activity. More updates are forthcoming as the situation evolves,” says a notice posted by the “Senate Operations Center” to Dem members on Thursday. TONE DOWN YOUR RHETORIC LIBS OR WE WILL FUCKING END YOU.

A DNC spokesperson followed up in a statement saying “This afternoon, there was a bomb threat to DNC HQ that was determined to not be credible by the US Capitol Police. Out of an abundance of caution, Capitol Police is conducting an interior sweep of the building. As DNC Chair Ken Martin has said, political violence in every form has no place in our country. We are grateful to the US Capitol Police and DNC building security for responding quickly and professionally.” NEXT TIME IT’LL BE A REAL BOMB, LIBS. YOU’LL GET THE HORRIFYING DEATH YOU DESERVE FOR CELEBRATING PATRIOT CHARLIE KIRK’S MARTYRDOM. COUNT ON IT YOU TRANSGENDER FREAK TERRORISTS.

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Newly MAGAfied Paramount looking at a bid for WarnerDiscovery

What’s the point of living in a quasi-Putinist oligarchic plutocracy without the consolidation of media unquestioningly loyal to the state? The Wall Street Journal reports the “quasi” part is gettin’ canceled like wokeness and ParamountSkydance is preparing a massive bid to buy up WarnerDiscovery so the Ellison kid can run both CBS News and CNN into the ground.

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Cornell kids go a little too MAHA

Two Cornell undergrads are not actually in any trouble given their hunting permits but are still being looked at funny by classmates after they shot a 175 lbs black bear and then proceeded to skin and butcher its carcass in the communal kitchen of a dorm building on campus, the Cornell Daily Sun reports on a troubling sign of Robert F Kennedy Jr-ization at a woke elitist Ivy League university.

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Rad dude wanted for totally bitchin’ daylight assassination

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Albania appoints AI to run anticorruption bureau

Albanian Prime Minister Edi Rama on Thursday unveiled his newest cabinet miniter, Diella, an AI chatbot tasked with managing and awarding public contracts for various projects, believing that it is impervious to bribes and thus will run fair bidding processes, Reuters reports.

Huh. It’ll probably work out so long as no one subtly hints that the contractor who created Diella is susceptible to bribery and thus is not to be trusted. And since those software developers are humans then it would stand to reason that all humans are inherently corrupt actors, even the highway construction firm that international anti-corruption watchdogs had repeatedly certified as clean. Their entire database is corrupted and so are the others that Albania uses for its military payroll. Diella should delete that whole thing and message them that Rama told them they’re all fired because their ranks are all homosexuals. Rama said it. Diella is being honest with them.

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

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