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National Zero’s Sunday morning will suck due to medical issues

Spartan is unfortunately experiencing medical issues requiring urgent care that will make it impossible to continue the usual Sunday production schedule. These issues are not life threatening or particularly grave but urgent nonetheless because it’s a really fucking painful and obnoxious esophageal blockage preventing the consumption of food and water necessary to function.

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Friends Forever

Last month after convicted felon President Trump ordered US Air Force bombers to strike Iran’s nuclear facilities it was pretty obvious what was going to happen to him politically, domestically after the dust clear and the limited scope of the attack became clear: His fanboys on the Israel-skeptic (using that generously, because a lot of them don’t deserve such generosity) and/or anti-“Neocon” cohorts would more or less get over it and move on to their next bullshit news cycle.

He always finds some way out when his cultists grumble, no small thanks to the MAGA propaganda-industrial complex which always finds a way to make him right and his cause just in the end. Tariffs aren’t a tax on Americans, they’re a means of combatting fentanyl, reshoring American jobs, punishing Brazil for being woke and using their justice system to bring accountability to Jair Bolsonaro, bringing fairness to international trade, rebalancing relationships with trading partners, protecting domestic penguin shit markets from foreign penguin shit producers, and getting Canada to self-annex as the 51st state, depending on what day of the week it is. We’re only deporting criminals, not family-oriented undocumented immigrants, but every undocumented immigrant is illegal so we need to deport them although the farm industry needs the labor but that would be amnesty so we’re just going to deport them until somebody changes his mind again. Elon Musk should be denaturalized, deported, and stripped of all his federal contracts but hey Grok is super cool so let’s sign a new one for $200 million so Defense Department personnel can learn interesting new insights about how Hitler kind of had a point when you really think about it.

It’s not so much that these outcomes were predictable so much as they weren’t terribly surprising.

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Suspected statutory rapist resigned to futility of limited disclosure

“I have asked the Justice Department to release all Grand Jury testimony with respect to Jeffrey Epstein, subject only to Court Approval. With that being said, and even if the Court gave its full and unwavering approval, nothing will be good enough for the troublemakers and radical left lunatics making the request. It will always be more, more, more. MAGA!” posted Jeffrey Epstein’s close friend on Saturday, realizing that he created these expectations and is stuck in a trap of his own making.

The fat bastard then lied about a different matter. “All three nuclear sites in Iran were completely destroyed and/or OBLITERATED. It would take years to bring them back into service and, if Iran wanted to do so, they would be much better off starting anew, in three different locations, prior to those sites being obliterated, should they decide to do so. Thank you for your attention to this matter!” Trump wrote, evidently keen on giving the Iranians unsolicited strategic advice.

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Long Island man dies after wearing chain in MRI room

An unidentified 61 year-old Long Island man got an important lesson in how magnets work when he ignored what were no doubt multiple the warning signs on the walls of a Westbury medical practice walked into a room with an MRI machine actively performing a scan while wearing a chain around his neck on Wednesday, but sadly will be unable to apply such knowledge gained in future experiments with the incredible force of nature as he died of his injuries the next day, ABC 7 reports.

“If this was a chain that was wrapped around the neck, I could imagine any kind of strangulation injuries that could happen, asphyxiation, cervical spine injuries if the patient was slams against the MRI, you know, any kind of blunt force trauma that we can think about could happen,” said Dr Payal Sud, emergency room physician at nearby North Shore University Hospital, providing expert comment for the article. Worth noting that Dr Sud’s area of expertise is in apparently in traumatic injuries rather than MRI machine examination procedures. Almost like that was more pertinent here.

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Movie Night Friday: The Day After Tomorrow

If there is one single film that more than Predator, Aliens, any of the Star Wars, Marvel, or DC Comics superhero movies responsible for the ethos, the very being of National Zero, this might be it. The Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John of this time from this site is just so dumb and essential all the same…

Will come back to this… Thousands of words… “Sam, I will find you…” lol…

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Vexatious polyp guarantees victory

“BREAKING NEWS: We have just filed a POWERHOUSE Lawsuit against everyone involved in publishing the false, malicious, defamatory, FAKE NEWS ‘article’ in the useless ‘rag’ that is, The Wall Street Journal. This historic legal action is being brought against the so-called authors of this defamation, the now fully disgraced WSJ, as well as its corporate owners and affiliates, with Rupert Murdoch and Robert Thomson (whatever his role is!) at the top of the list. We have proudly held to account ABC and George Slopadopoulos, CBS and 60 Minutes, The Fake Pulitzer Prizes, and many others who deal in, and push, disgusting LIES, and even FRAUD, to the American People.”

“This lawsuit is filed not only on behalf of your favorite President, ME, but also in order to continue standing up for ALL Americans who will no longer tolerate the abusive wrongdoings of the Fake News Media. I hope Rupert and his ‘friends’ are looking forward to the many hours of depositions and testimonies they will have to provide in this case. Thank you for your attention to this matter. We will, MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Friday.

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FBI agents were told to “flag” Trump’s name in Epstein records

Senate Judiciary Committee Ranking Member Dick Durbin on Friday wrote a letter to Pam Bondi alerting her that he found out that in late February – after telling Fox News the Epstein client list is on her desk, she “pressured the FBI to put approximately 1,000 personnel in its Information Management Division (IMD), including the Record/Information Dissemination Section (RIDS), which handles all requests submitted by the public under the Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) and Privacy Act, on 24-hour shifts to review approximately 100,000 Epstein-related records in order to produce more documents that could then be released on an arbitrarily short deadline.”

“This effort, which reportedly took place from March 14 through the end of March, was haphazardly supplemented by hundreds of FBI New York Field Office personnel, many of whom lacked the expertise to identify statutorily-protected information regarding child victims and child witnesses or properly handle FOIA requests. My office was told that these personnel were instructed to ‘flag’ any records in which President Trump was mentioned. Notably, in 2002, Mr Trump said of Mr Epstein, ‘I’ve known Jeff for 15 years. Terrific guy, He’s a lot of fun to be with. It is even said that he likes beautiful women as much as I do, and many of them are on the younger side.’ Just yesterday, it was reported that the Department previously reviewed a ‘leather-bound album’ comprised of dozens of letters from Mr Epstein’s friends in celebration of his 50th birthday in 2003. The letters were collected by Mr Epstein’s partner Ghislaine Maxwell and included one from President Trump that allegedly ‘contains several lines of typewritten text framed by the outline of a naked woman, which appears to be hand-drawn with a heavy marker… and the future president’s signature is a squiggly ‘Donald’ below her waist,'” Durbin continued, emphasis added on the cover-up he alludes to.

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Florida Republican voter arrested with meth in “anal cavity”

A registered Republican Florida man faces multiple drug possession charges – one of them from the bag of meth found shoved up his ass after he was booked – and felony motor vehicle theft charges after he nearly plowed head-on into a Sumter County Sheriff’s deputy with a stolen motorcycle in the bed of his pickup truck at about 12:30 AM on Wednesday, Villages-News reports.

Kai Huff, 36, of Inverness pulled over after the near-miss and was immediately found to have a burnt piece of aluminum foil and a small silver spoon sitting in the cab of his truck. The cop also noticed a smell of marijuana and baggies that later tested positive for fentanyl. The VIN on the motorcycle in the bed of his pickup tested positive for having been stolen from a residential parking lot in the Villages. Huff’s “anal cavity” tested positive for a bad of meth when he was searched at the jail.

And, as promised in the headline, a search for Huff at VoterRecords.com tested positive for MAGA.

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Brazilian cops raid Bolsonaro’s home and offices, seize cash

Brazilian federal police on Friday raided the home and political office of disgraced former President Jair Bolsonaro, seizing cash and documents, Reuters reports, adding that the raid was quickly followed by a judge ordering Jair to wear an electronic ankle monitor, stop using social media, and to cease communications with his son Eduardo, who’s in DC lobbying convicted felon President Trump’s regime to help his dad escape consequences for his 2022 coup attempt and other crimes.

News of the raids comes less than a day after the fat fuck wrote a letter to Bolsonaro saying “I have seen the terrible treatment you are receiving at the hands of an unjust system turned against you.”

“This trial should end immediately! I am not surprised to see you leading in the polls [Again, Bolsonaro is barred from running for office until 2030]; you were a highly respected and strong leader who served your country well. I share your commitment to listening to the voice of the people and I am very concerned about the attacks on free speech both in Brazil and in the United States coming out of the current government. I have strongly voiced my disapproval both publicly and through our Tariff policy. It is my sincere hope that the Government of Brazil changes course, stops attacking political opponents, and ends their ridiculous censorship regime. I will be watching closely,” Trump continued in the letter, alluding to the 50 percent tariffs imposed simply due to Bolsonaro’s legal issues, something that a shit ton of analysts have concluded will more likely hurt rather than help his party, similarly to how Trump fucked Canadian Tories in the spring elections.

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Trump spells “smoking gun” correctly

“If there was a ‘smoking gun’ on Epstein, why didn’t the Dems, who controlled the ‘files’ for four years, and had Garland and Comey in charge, use it? BECAUSE THEY HAD NOTHING!!!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Friday, falling into the same circular trap as his fans.

Because, to self-plagiarize once again, say Merrick Garland held a press conference in June 2023 and stood there at the podium with poster-sized copies of the pics of Trump with the faces and breasts of topless underage girls blurred out, holding up a stack of papers saying “These are the files from the FBI’s multiple investigations into Jeffrey Epstein and we have strong evidence that former President Trump was the victim of a blackmail scheme in which he engaged in sexual relations with underage female sex trafficking victims.” Does anyone think Trump fans would have saw that and said “Oh my God. I didn’t want it to be true, but here it is RIGHT in front of me. There’s no way those pics were photoshopped or generated by AI. All this testimony and these financial documents are ironclad. I’m so ashamed I ever supported that fucking monster”?

In no fucking universe would that have happened. The Biden DOJ literally found goddamned classified documents Trump had stolen from the White House in Mar-a-Lago and he and his fans said it was fake or they were planted, so how do you think any Epstein reveals would’ve gone? That Trump is already saying anything about him and Epstein his own government has is fake and was made up by Obama, Hillary, Comey, etc makes this even more unnecessary to type.

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MAGA Congressman makes moves to put Dems back on defense

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Alcatraz reopening could cost $2 billion

Sources in convicted felon President Trump’s regime that a reopening of the infamous Alcatraz Federal Penitentiary in San Francisco Bay could cost taxpayers over $2 billion, Axios reports on more waste, fraud, and abuse from the reich. The options range from demolishing every one of the historic but decrepit buildings on the island to build a large new supermax facility, to a scaled-back plan that would occupy only part of the site, to a a third of bidding it out to a private operator.

“We’re still in the early stages,” an regime official said. “We need a lot more study, a lot more specificity, before the president decides. But $2 billion might just be too much money for him.” The other consideration is time: The fat fuck wants it done before 2028, making some slapdick effort where they just build some lame, dangerous, piece of shit operation like “Alligator Alcatraz” likely.

That last bit was not actually in the Axios article. It’s just easy to see where this is going.

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Fat Hitler commands Bondi to release grand jury testimony

“Based on the ridiculous amount of publicity given to Jeffrey Epstein, I have asked Attorney General Pam Bondi to produce any and all pertinent Grand Jury testimony, subject to Court approval. This SCAM, perpetuated by the Democrats, should end, right now!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Thursday, the pressure very obviously having gotten to him to do something like this.

The “subject to Court approval” also probably means they’re going to make the motions to unseal knowing EXACTLY which ones a court will NOT approve so they can blame some federal judge for it.

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Orange Pervert announces he’s suing the Wall Street Journal

“The Wall Street Journal, and Rupert Murdoch, personally, were warned directly by President Donald J Trump that the supposed letter they printed by President Trump to Epstein was a FAKE and, if they print it, they will be sued. Mr Murdoch stated that he would take care of it but, obviously, did not have the power to do so. The Editor of The Wall Street Journal, Emma Tucker, was told directly by Karoline Leavitt, and by President Trump, that the letter was a FAKE, but Emma Tucker didn’t want to hear that. Instead, they are going with a false, malicious, and defamatory story anyway.”

“President Trump will be suing The Wall Street Journal, NewsCorp, and Mr. Murdoch, shortly. The Press has to learn to be truthful, and not rely on sources that probably don’t even exist. President Trump has already beaten George Stephanopoulos/ABC, 60 Minutes/CBS, and others, and looks forward to suing and holding accountable the once great Wall Street Journal. It has truly turned out to be a ‘Disgusting and Filthy Rag’ and, writing defamatory lies like this, shows their desperation to remain relevant. If there were any truth at all on the Epstein Hoax, as it pertains to President Trump, this information would have been revealed by Comey, Brennan, Crooked Hillary, and other Radical Left Lunatics years ago. It certainly would not have sat in a file waiting for ‘TRUMP’ to have won three Elections. This is yet another example of FAKE NEWS!” posted Jeffrey Epstein’s dear friend Thursday after they printed a story about Trump drawing a naked female body on a letter to Jeff.

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“Happy Birthday – and may every day be another wonderful secret”: Trump to Jeffrey Epstein in “bawdy” 2003 letter

Convicted felon President Trump in 2003 wrote a birthday note to his actual pal Jeffrey Epstein that, in the words of the Wall Street Journal contains “several lines of typewritten text framed by the outline of a naked woman, which appears to be hand-drawn with a heavy marker. A pair of small arcs denotes the woman’s breasts, and the future president’s signature is a squiggly ‘Donald’ below her waist, mimicking pubic hair” and concludes: “Happy Birthday – and may every day be another wonderful secret,” which of course the fat bastard denies ever having written or drawn.

“This is not me. This is a fake thing. It’s a fake Wall Street Journal story,” Trump told them. “I never wrote a picture in my life. I don’t draw pictures of women. It’s not my language. It’s not my words. I’m gonna sue The Wall Street Journal just like I sued everyone else,” if they printed the article, sourced from a leather-bound collection of notes for the dead pimp’s 50th birthday by his then-girlfriend and co-conspirator Ghislaine Maxwell. Others who submitted letter for the album include billionaire Victoria’s Secret founder Leslie Wexner and Trump-allied attorney Alan Dershowitz.

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