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“Fresh controversy is swirling around Chip and Joanna Gaines’ new show titled Back to the Frontier. The show was produced by the Gaines’ Magnolia Network and premiered on HBO Max on July 10. The show features a male homosexual couple and their two sons. The Gaineses espouse to be Christians and have historically been very outspoken about their faith. They attend the Antioch Community Church, which holds to a traditional biblical view of marriage that excludes homosexual unions. The new show clearly contradicts this biblical viewpoint,” writes third place 2016 Georgia state Senate District 24 Republican Primary finisher and commercial real estate broker Joe Edge in a piece printed by the Augusta Press on Monday. This copypasta of Edge’s opinion piece wasn’t necessary so much as a concise intro to the “fresh controversy” that those of us living outside the world of Evangelical-themed reality television shows were until this point unaware of.

“To make matters worse, the show carries at TV-14 rating,” Edge continues in his screed, lol.

For those unaware the Gainses are the insufferable Waco, Texas Evangelical couple whose show Fixer Upper helped popularize the interior design movement that resulted in retail stores across the United States filled with candle holders, picture frames, and all sorts of other shit manufactured to look like they were dug out of an abandoned barn. They rode the wave of the whole “urban rustic chic”-something style from a single series to their own 24 hour HGTV ripoff called “Magnolia,” and through their clout and millions in net worth remained in good standing with the Evangelical America.

After noticing a package from Vietnam declared as chocolate spongecake didn’t quite smell like chocolate spongecake, customs officials in the German city of Cologne last month opened it up and found that their suspicions had been justified since some asshole had stuffed over 1,500 baby tarantulas in plastic vials inside the cakes and shipped it to Germany, the Associated Press reports.

“My colleagues at the airport are regularly surprised by the contents of prohibited packages from all over the world, but the fact that they found around 1,500 small plastic containers containing young tarantulas in this package left even the most experienced among them speechless,” Cologne customs office spokesman Jens Ahland said in a statement Monday. The survivors were given to a local expert for care and the intended recipient – who per usual with the German justice system was not named publicly – is facing customs violation and import tax evasion charges.

“Moderate” Republican New York Congressman Mike Lawler was beyond sick and tired of talking about Jeffrey Epstein on Monday, complaining to CNN’s John Berman that the evil pimp is dead and buried so it’s not relevant anymore, but also saying that if there’s anyone else implicated in his sex-trafficking ring they should be prosecuted as well. Lawler did not get into how convicted felon President Trump had said the classified documents exist but that Obama and Biden had written them, lol, nor did he acknowledge that it’s not CNN leading the charge to get the Trump Regime to finally release the files irrespective of whether or not Trump is inculpated.

A list compiled by Justice Department officials and handed to Reuters reveals that 69 of roughly 110 lawyers assigned to the Federal Programs Branch – the unit charged with defending Trump Regime’s policies in court, such as his order ending birthright citizenship – have quit since January.

“Many of these people came to work at Federal Programs to defend aspects of our constitutional system,” said one of the lawyers. “How could they participate in the project of tearing it down?”

Unlike so many others in her state’s long and storied history of violent encounters with the vicious reptiles, 15 year-old Florida Panhandle resident Summer Hinote wasn’t asking for a fight with an alligator but she got one while wading in the waters of Pond Creek in Okaloosa County last month.

“I didn’t know what it was at first, so I just turned my body around and started punching it in the head. It let go and then it grabbed again and then dragged me under the water and shook me around,” Hinote told CBS News, adding a friend rushed to her aid, pulling her and another girl out of the water. Hinote said she asked the friend if her leg was still attached. “He said ‘you’re fine, you’re fine, it’s not that bad but you have to get up. He’s coming up from behind you,” she said. They then called Hintote’s parents who arrived and took her to meet EMTs who took her to a local hospital.

Hinote’s since made a full recovery from the June 22 attack. Officials estimate the alligator to have been at least 10 feet long based on the size of the bite marks on her leg. Lucky friggin kid.

FBI opens 'grand conspiracy' probe on weaponization of DOJ, FBI, opening door to special prosecutor https://t.co/yfe8jXpHig

— John Solomon (@jsolomonReports) July 14, 2025

“The FBI has quietly launched an investigation into a decade of Democratic party and deep-state antics from Russia collusion to Jack Smith, opening the door for the appointment of a special prosecutor to examine whether the well-documented episodes amount to a criminal conspiracy to meddle in three US elections to the benefit of Democrats and the detriment of President Donald Trump, Just the News has learned,” writes one of the most reliably pliant if not reliably competent arms of the Trump state media apparatus. Lol at he’s “learned” about the “new” probe.

Continued: “The ‘grand conspiracy’ case was opened several weeks ago after new FBI Director Kash Patel took over, and it could get a significant boost if Trump were to declassify two secret tranches of evidence that identify a potential ignition point to the alleged conspiracy in the summer of 2016, according to several people directly familiar with the inquiry, who spoke to Just the News on a condition of anonymity,” emphasis added on the conditional “if Trump were to declassify” part because holy fucking shit, lol. You all know what this newest shiny object is meant to distract from but the fact that it’s contingent on the convicted felon president ordering declassifications is just freaking solid gold. Like what got the fat bastard in this Epstein shitstorm in the first place? And weren’t John Solomon and Kash Patel in the goddamned White House all day on January 19, 2021, rushing to find documents to declassify about the 2016 election that didn’t incriminate Trump?

At least nine people are dead and another 30 have been injured when a fire erupted at an assisted living facility in Fall River, Massachusetts at about 9:30 PM EDT on Sunday, WCVB reports.

“This is an unfathomable tragedy for the families involved and the Fall River community,” Fall River Fire Department Chief Jeffrey Bacon said. “On behalf of the Fall River Fire Department, I want to express our heartfelt condolences to the loved ones who are grieving this morning.” Five firefighters suffered minor injuries during the inferno at the 100-unit Gabriel House assisted-living facility.

Convicted felon President Trump on Sunday called small-faced white nationalist activist Charlie Kirk to ask him to back up scumbag idiot Attorney General Pam Bondi after Trump saw a clip of Kirk backing Deputy FBI Director Dan Bongino over Bondi at this weekend’s Turning Point fan-con, CNN’s Kristen Holmes reports on more flailing by the fat fuck as the Epstein shitshow continues unabated.

Not going to act like Charlie Kirk is “principled” or somehow not a piece of shit, but seriously what the hell does Trump think is going to happen? Kirk needs to remain “credible” with his fans and asking him to do that is like asking him to just set all his hard-grifted money on fire and never do another episode of his fucking insufferable podcast again. How would or even could he walk that back and suddenly say Bondi’s awesome and Bongino’s wrong? It’s like expecting him to say “Hey you know what? I’m okay with a Black pilot flying my plane. I take back all that shit I said about DEI.”

Missed this on Friday but Holmes’s colleague Kaitlan Collins said some funny shit about how it’s going inside the White House, telling Anderson Cooper that Trump’s minions “are very frustrated because they feel like this news cycle is only getting worse for them. It is not from people that they can easily dismiss or say it’s the media or Democrats. It is their own base that is so furious and so angry over how they’ve handled this. And the question is how they get out of it.” Evidently the answer to that question is for Trump to call Charlie Kirk and order him to fall on the grenade, lol.

Yeah this was real until Twitter kicked the hackers out. A little more subtlety and 100 percent less antisemitism might’ve been more fun for everyone, but nobody can have nice things.

During the public comment period of an April 2022 Kerr County Commission meeting focused on what to do with $10.2 million disbursed to the county by the Biden Administration from the 2021 American Rescue Plan Act’s funding for local governments for use on pretty much whatever they needed, within reason, one resident stood up and said “I’m here to ask this court today to send this money back to the Biden administration, which I consider to be the most criminal treasonous communist government ever to hold the White House.” That resident, per the Texas Tribune, feared strings were attached and that Biden would force their kids to have transition surgeries or whatever.

“We don’t want to be bought by the federal government, thank you very much,” another told the commissioners. “We’d like the federal government to stay out of Kerr County and their money.”

“As far as where that money sits for the next year or two, my old law partner [Senator] John [Cornhole] tells me that if we send it back it’s going to New Jersey or it’s going to New York or it’s going to… or California. And so I don’t know if I’d rather be the custodian of the money until we decide what we have to do with it rather than giving it back to the government to spend it on values that we in Kerr County don’t agree with,” said Kerr County Judge Rob Kelly at the meeting.

The director at the Curtis Area Senior Center – near the rural Nebraska hospital slated for closure in the next few months because of convicted felon President Trump’s Medicaid cuts – tells the Washington Post that “anyone who’s saying that Medicaid cuts is why they’re closing is a liar.”

Either April Roberts, who said the old timers she helps take care of at the day facility will have to drive 40+ miles for routine procedures like blood work after the Community Hospital shuts down, did not tell the Post the “real” reason or the Post did not bother to print it. Nor did they print one from veteran Jim Christensen, who said he’d read an op-ed that “tried to blame everything on Trump.”

“Horse feathers,” was all Christensen had to say about it at the senior center. Sitting in his office next to a red punching bag shaped like Barack Obama, Mayor Brad Welch called the hospital blaming the Orange Overlord’s Medicaid cuts “irresponsible,” adding “I don’t think the signing of the ‘Big Beautiful Bill’ had one thing to do with the closure of this clinic.” Again, no alternative explanation.

Kerri Kemp, a MAGA 47 year-old bartender/county worker/ranch hand, wasn’t so deep in denial about it, saying she’d recently lost her insurance because she couldn’t keep up with the already standard documentation requirements for Medicaid eligibility, was worried she’ll face even bigger challenges when work requirements kick in for real. But she’s optimistic that Trump will change his mind about that. “I really think he’s gonna do something,” Kemp said, deep in denial overall.

Sharon Jorgensen, a 73 year-old non-MAGA Republican who has never voted for Trump, said her friends and neighbors are “huge Trumpers. It doesn’t matter what he does – there’s an excuse for it.”

MAGA Easter Sunday, celebrating the near-death experience of convicted felon President Trump in Pennsylvania on July 13th, 2024, has been completely ruined by Jeffrey Epstein’s resurrection from the dead, his rotting corpse – and the wreckage in Texas and the ICE shitshow – spoiling the now cheaper eggs filling the baskets of right wing children on this morning’s shows.

Follow along for live coverage of this sad, cheerless day for the Republican Party.

Two-thirds of calls to FEMA’s disaster assistance hotline went unanswered in the days immediately after the July 4th flash flood disaster in central Texas because convicted felon President Trump’s regime allowed the government’s contracts with call center operators General Dynamics Information Technology, Maximus, ITCON, and TTEC – which together provided hundreds of operators to the agency for handling aid applications – to expire on Sunday, July 6th, the New York Times reports.

Documents show that, on the 5th, the last day of the contracts, the sum total of all call center operators picked up 3,018 of 3,027 calls placed to the hotline, roughly 99.7 percent. The next day, after the expiry, they received 2,363 calls and answered 846, or about 35.8 percent. The on Monday, July 7, the agency answered 16,419 calls and answered 2,613, or around 15.9 percent. For perspective’s sake, the first day’s near 100 percent rate is a bit misleading because of the absolute volume: The week of October 14, 2024 in the aftermaths of Hurricanes Helene and Milton, call centers answered 53 percent of over 900,000 calls but improved to 68.5 percent on about 500,000 calls the next week – which makes the 15.9 percent rate on 16,419 a fucking MAGAtrocity.

“Responding to less than half of the inquiries is pretty horrific,” said Columbia University National Center for Disaster Preparedness Director Jeffrey Schlegelmilch. “Put yourself in the shoes of a survivor: You’ve lost everything, you’re trying to find out what’s insured and what’s not, and you’re navigating multiple aid programs. One of the most important services in disaster recovery is being able to call someone and walk through these processes and paperwork.”

This is, uh, something else from our President:

Going into the second half of 2023 the road was wide open for another yearly examination of the steady increase of not very subtle antisemitism in the institutional Republican Party – as in words and actions by politicians, candidates, and campaigns – that had been collected in the November 2021 piece “The Road is Open Again” and then again in the lengthier and maybe less well-executed December 2022 follow-up “The Road is Open Again II: The New Colossus.” I believe at one point in August or September that I had even taken a few hours to collect the instances in anticipation of a November or December post for “The Road is Open Again III” with some clever subtitle.

Then October 7th happened.

“Because of the fact that Rosie O’Donnell is not in the best interests of our Great Country, I am giving serious consideration to taking away her Citizenship. She is a Threat to Humanity, and should remain in the wonderful Country of Ireland, if they want her. GOD BLESS AMERICA!” posted fat tits on Saturday, stirring shit up and getting media attention with over-the-top provocative statements about a sub-mediocre has-been media personality to distract from the Jeffrey Epstein shitshow.

Like who the fuck wants to have sympathy for friggin Rosie O’Donnell? God she freaking sucks. And yet threatening a naturally-born American citizen with denaturalization obviously demands attention because it’s in a lot of ways light years worse than the many other signs of creeping fascism emanating from the fat fuck. On the flip side, it’s also Trump writing yet another check his fat ass can’t cash, so reporters can needle him on what the next steps are the next opportunity they get.

And holy freaking shit what a histrionic cunt with the “She is a Threat to Humanity,” lol.

Obviously extra annoyed by the TACO thing, convicted felon President Trump decided to take it out on the country that invented them on Saturday, posting a letter to President Claudia Sheinbaum saying “Despite our strong relationship, you will recall, the United States imposed Tariffs on Mexico to deal with our Nation’s Fentanyl crisis, which is caused, in part, by Mexico’s failure to stop the Cartels, who are made up of the most despicable people who ever walked the Earth, from pouring these drugs into our country” and blah blah blah 30 percent tariff allegedly as of August 1st.

“A lot of people online have been very, very upset over the Trump Department of Justice’s two-fold conclusion, announced last Sunday, that Jeffrey Epstein’s death in jail in 2019 was a suicide and that the Federal Bureau of Investigation had no ‘incriminating ‘client list” among its Epstein files. The tremendous uproar against the Justice Department and FBI has crossed partisan lines; if anything, it has been many conservative commentators and some Republican elected officials who have expressed the most outrage, with accusations and implications that the government is hiding something about the case to protect powerful individuals,” writes right wing Newsweek “Senior Editor-at-Large” Josh Hammer in a snooty lecture to the mud-brained MAGA plebes.

Skipping ahead “With that large caveat aside, though, the fact remains: This is just not the biggest deal in the world—and if you think it is, then you probably need to log off social media…” blah blah blah some shit about how the midterms aren’t going to have anything to do with Epstein “…There are simply better uses of your time than fuming over the government’s avowed nonexistence of the much-ballyhooed Epstein client list. You might, for instance, consider spending more time, during these midsummer weeks, with your family. Maybe you can take the kids camping or fishing. Maybe you can take them to an amusement park or to one of America’s many national park treasures. You can spend less time scrolling Instagram and TikTok and more time reading a good old-fashioned book; you will learn more, you will be happier, and you will be considerably less likely to traffic in fringe issues and off-putting rhetoric that alienates far more than it unifies.”

Translation: “Your rage over Epstein and other conspiracies were useful to us in the right wing propaganda complex needed you to vote accordingly, but now you’re just a distraction and the Democrats are having way too much fun with this. So shut the fuck up. Now.”