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In a tweet that he hasn’t yet bothered to repost in English, Israeli dictator and fugitive war criminal Benjamin Netanyahu on Friday wrote “Today, my annual medical report was published. I requested to delay its publication by two months so that it would not be released at the height of the war, in order not to allow the Iranian terror regime to spread even more false propaganda against Israel.”

l’etat c’est moi, toujours, fucking prick. Eventually “Bibi” cuts to the chase, writing that “Upon examination, it turned out to be a very early stage of a malignant tumor, with no spread or metastases whatsoever. Doctors told me that this is very common among men my age, and that there are two options: 1 – It doesn’t have to be treated; it is possible to remain under monitoring alone. You can live with it, and many do so. 2 – Undergo treatment and remove the problem. You already know me. When I’m given information in time about a potential danger, I want to address it immediately. This is true on the national level and also on the personal level,” with that last part being maybe kind of not true considering scattered reports of ignored warnings prior to October 7th.

Illinois Dem Congresswoman Delia Ramirez tells Axios that she’s been pushing her colleagues to start doing all the work now to “build up the case so that when we are in power in January, we’ve created the conditions… we’ve done the fact-checking, we’ve done the shadow hearings, everything we need to be able to to impeach” the Orange God Emperor immediately and without haste.

A leaked email between Pentagon officials discussed “suspending” Spain from NATO for disallowing US aircraft to use their bases for transit on the way to the Middle East, Reuters reports.

The Daily Mail wasn’t ever going to not headline this story “Lesbian sex secrets of Kristi Noem’s ICE leader: Ex lover claims jealous rages over men, screaming through hotel walls… and vile tight bodysuit demand,” putting the salaciousness about the MAGA scumbag up front as they are wont to do, but leaving it to the article that she’s running in the Ohio 9th District GOP primary – as well as disabuse anyone who read too fast of the notion that Noem had an affair with Madison Sheahan too.

‼️ Ted Nugent ENDORSES MAGA Conservative Madison Sheahan for OH-09.

“You want real Ohio and real America? Madison Sheahan, District 9, Northwest Ohio.” Ted Nugent

Vote for Conservative Madison Sheahan in the May 5th Republican Primary.@TedNugent pic.twitter.com/7bnXhsLuUx

— Sheahan For Ohio (@TeamSheahan) April 23, 2026

Just gonna leave that one there all by itself.

Anyway Sheahan, 29, who until January served as Deputy ICE Director in convicted felon President Trump’s regime, is accused of abusive, domineering girlfriend to another MAGA zoomer in a relationship that began during the twilight days of the 2020 campaign. The woman, then 19, tells the Mail that Sheahan, then 23, hosted a house party for young Trump Ohio staffers and talked her into bed. By the end of the next month both had been deployed to Georgia to try to protect the ultimately doomed seats held by now-former Senators David “Chickenshit” Perdue and Kelly “Left-eye” Loeffler but were stationed in separate parts of the Peach State. The younger woman texted Sheahan a pic of herself wearing a tight black outfit as she got ready to go out with other staffers.

“United States Attorney for the Southern District of New York, Jay Clayton, Acting Attorney General for the United States, Todd Blanche, Director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation (‘FBI’), Kash Patel, and Assistant Director in Charge of the New York Field Office of the FBI, James C Barnacle, Jr, announced today the unsealing of an Indictment charging GANNON KEN VAN DYKE, a US Army Soldier, with unlawful use of confidential government information for personal gain, theft of nonpublic government information, commodities fraud, wire fraud, and making an unlawful monetary transaction. The charges arise from an alleged scheme in which VAN DYKE used sensitive classified information to make wagers on Polymarket, a prediction marketplace. As alleged in the Indictment, VAN DYKE participated in the planning and execution of the US military operation to capture Nicolás Maduro, ‘Operation Absolute Resolve,’ and VAN DYKE used his access to classified information about that operation to personally profit,” says a Thursday Justice Department press release.

Oh look the Trump Regime is getting serious about prosecuting insider trading/bettting – provided it’s some middle management-level (at most) solider nobody’s ever heard of. The White House itself and the Mar-a-Lago member list are off-limits even if they made way more than $400,000.

This month’s Marquette University Law School national survey finds that in “Looking ahead to the November congressional elections, among registered voters, 48 percent say they would vote for the Democratic candidate and 44 percent would vote for the Republican. An additional 6 percent say they would vote for neither, and 1 percent say they would not vote. The slight Democratic advantage increases among likely voters, ie, those who say they are certain they will vote, to 53 percent for the Democratic candidate to 43 percent for the Republican candidate,” emphasis added on the fun part.

A sailor on a US Navy minesweeper bound for the Strait of Hormuz had a little monkey mishap on a beach in Phuket, Thailand and had to be medically evacuated back to base in Japan for treatment due to a scratch inflicted by the small primate, Axios reports without further detail on the attack.

“Weird stuff happens. This was definitely an unknown unknown,” an official said. The assailant is thought to be a long-tailed macaque, both ubiquitous in Thailand and aggressive toward humans. Whether the attack was somehow provoked is unclear but the monkey ought to be spanked.

Oh wait, wrong video feed. Meant to paste in the Trump one…

Binge-drinking date rapist Pete Hegseth on Wednesday fired Navy Secretary John Phelan over what Fox News actual journalist Jennifer Griffin reports was Phelan’s refusal to ignore a federal court blocking the Pentagon from punishing Dem Senator Mark Kelly for the “Don’t Give Up The Ship” video from about five months ago. For those keeping score at home the Navy is currently on a mission to blockade the Strait of Hormuz and Hegseth fired its top official for complying with a federal court order blocking them from retaliating against a US Senator who publicly urged service members of their responsibility to refuse illegal orders and to not to commit war crimes.

Lacking any further specifics, Al Jazeera reports in a live update that Iran’s Nour ⁠and Mehr news agencies are claiming that “Air defense batteries ‌had ​been activated ​in parts ⁠of Tehran.”

The immediate previous update in the live feed quotes Israeli Defense Minister Israel Katz saying the IDF is “awaiting a green light from the US – first and foremost to complete the elimination of the Khamenei dynasty… and additionally to return Iran to the Dark Age and the Stone Age by destroying key energy and electricity facilities and dismantling its national economic infrastructure.”

“When socialist democrats don’t believe laws should be enforced, or believe judges should legislate from the bench, then their opinions on how well someone does those things are irrelevant” – Top comment on the Fox News article “Poll: 56 percent doubt White House’s competence at managing government,” posted Wednesday and, most damningly, sourced from their own polling.

That’s actually pretty good… for a political cohort full of mental children. Evidently they realized the old “THESE POLLS ARE FUCKING FAKE” wasn’t really doing it anymore and switched it up to “These polls don’t matter because of our subjective spin on how 56 percent of these respondents feel.”

The same poll also found Dems up +4 on Republicans on the economy for the first time since 2010.

SHOCKER: People who own shares of Warner Bros would like to see them increase in value regardless of the downstream effects on American news and entertainment media, Axios reports.

“Iran is having a very hard time figuring out who their leader is! They just don’t know! The infighting is between the ‘Hardliners,’ who have been losing BADLY on the battlefield, and the ‘Moderates,’ who are not very moderate at all (but gaining respect!), is CRAZY! We have total control over the Strait of Hormuz. No ship can enter or leave without the approval of the United States Navy. It is ‘Sealed up Tight,’ until such time as Iran is able to make a DEAL!!!” posted grandpa on Thursday morning, leaving no hint of how much of his little story is happening in his head as opposed to somehow, maybe kind of tenuously connected to reality in a way that if you make a few inferences…

Maybe he should have an AI rewrite them for him before he posts. That might help.

1. This is fake. Democrats do not have this money.

2. WSJ is acting like a DCCC press shop here.

3. What’s not fake is massive GOP money, which will make every House DEM fight for their political life.

Republicans can sleep well. https://t.co/ryc1bnZcM0

— James Blair (@JamesBlairUSA) April 23, 2026

Moonlighting as a young woman who effs older guys for cash and gifts, 29 year-old Homeland Security Deputy Assistant Secretary for Counterterrorism Julia Varvaro cleaned up over $40,000 in cash and gifts in just three months from an older divorced dad. Then he found her profile on another Sugar Daddy site and told the Daily Mail everything, leading to what Fox News reports is a leave of absence. It’s not clear if Markwayne Mullin suspended Varvaro for embarrassing the Department or for never telling him about her other job. Suppose there could be other possible reasons.

“Republican Red Winery today announced it has received three prestigious awards at the 2026 Monterey International Wine Competition, including Best of Show and Platinum for its America 250 Sparkling Wine (scored 94 points) and Gold for its Vino MAHA Cabernet Franc (scored 91 points).”

“The Monterey International Wine Competition is recognized as one of the nation’s respected wine judging events, bringing together experienced industry professionals including winemakers, sommeliers, wine writers, retailers, and educators. Wines are evaluated through a rigorous blind tasting process designed to ensure impartiality, with judges assessing entries based on quality, balance, structure, varietal expression, aroma, and finish. At a time when the US wine industry is experiencing declining consumption and an oversupply of grapes, Republican Red Winery continues to expand its portfolio through thoughtfully developed releases that resonate with consumers seeking meaning and connection in the products they choose. By focusing on craftsmanship, American sourcing, and wines tied to cultural moments and shared values, the winery has identified a distinct niche that continues to support growth even amid broader industry headwinds,” says a Wednesday press release from said winery and this is just so, so maddeningly fucking stupid.

They could’ve just slapped “Trantifa Reserve” on the bottle and it’d be the sa- Forget it. It’s this deeply sus “Monterey International Wine Competition” that merits scrutiny as it carries the air of the little fake “Palme d’Or” emblems you see on the marketing for some dogshit B-movie that, when you look close at them, turn out to say “Entrant, 2025 North Platte Film Festival” or similar.

No kidding … https://t.co/645OoVPdVA

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) April 23, 2026

Nobody who Politico talked to – including his own fellow New Jersey Republicans – has seen or heard from Congressman Tom Kean Jr since March 5th, fueling questions about whether he’s actually still alive on top of the more prosaic political problem of representing a swing district but not voting on the floor of Congress for nearly two months. “I don’t even know the truth myself or even enough to disclose any information,” Union County GOP Chair Carlos Santos said. “But I have been texting with him and was told he’ll be fine and make a full recovery in the next couple weeks.”

Note how the guy said “texting” and not “called” or “seen in person” or “FaceTimed,” etc.

Having given up on messaging like “We lowered your gas and grocery prices,” “ICE is protecting American citizens from violent illegal alien maniacs who would shoot them four times in the face unprovoked,” “Bill Clinton is the only president with alleged to have raped Jeffrey Epstein’s sex trafficking victims,” “We’re entitled to five more seats,” “Look at how awesome our Obamacare replacement plan is,” and “The Big Beautiful Bill cut taxes for working families,” the top minds of the Trump and Republican Party political messaging teams held a little powwow at the former Trump DC Hotel to come up with a game plan for the next six months of the usual overdone propaganda ops.

According to CNN, the best that White House Chief of Staff Susie Wiles, Team Orange top strategist James Blair, and other MAGA minions could come up with was “You think everything sucks now? It’ll be even worse if Democrats win the House and Senate.” Now that was not a direct quote, but the actual summation from one of the scumbags present was that Dems want “to make it a referendum on, ‘Do you think everything is perfect?’ For us, it’s about, do you want to go forward and continue the work that is being successful and finish the job? Or go backwards to record inflation and high crime?” without so much of a hint of irony on the tonal overlap with “We’re not going back!”

Remember how confident Dems were that Americans would not return to power the convicted felon, adjudicated rapist, the bloated corpse endowed like a piglet tail who lasted approximately 120 seconds during a coerced sexual encounter with a porn star, the racist criminal shitbrain who thought bleach would be a viable COVID treatment? Shouldn’t top Republicans actually kind of understand that better that anyone given their successful memory-holing campaign of 2024?