Ignoring term-limited Governor Mike DeWine’s pleas to stay the hell out of it and remain neutral, the Ohio Republican Party on Friday just went ahead and endorsed Vivek Ramaswamy for 2026, Politico reports. While Ohio isn’t New York and there still will be a primary, it is, per Politico a “major blow to his intraparty opponents.” State Attorney General Dave Yost, the fucking idiot who just threw away a cushy ambassadorship offered by the Trump Administration so he could keep running for governor, congratulated Ramaswamy and apparently indicated he’s reconsidering his campaign.

Other would-be candidate Lt Gov Jim Tressel, who used to be a big deal in sportsball before accepting the appointment to be DeWine’s numero dos earlier this year, could still prove formidable against Da Vek in a primary should he jump in, though that may be less likely now.

So for those keeping score at home, there were two top officials, one of them who won five statewide elections and the other an appointee who in his previous job won five NCAA national football championships – all of them for Ohio teams, that the state Republican Party could’ve picked but instead they went with a dark-skinned 39 year-old billionaire Hindu who got himself out of DOGE when he realized it’d be a politically toxic shitshow, all simply because Trump sort of tolerates him.

The owner of the childhood home of the former Robert Prevost, now Pope Leo XIV, has taken the Dolton, Illinois three-bed, three-bath suburban house off the market after being unable to sell it for months even after dropping the asking price from $219,000 to $199,000, Realator.com reports.

The anonymous flipper who owns the home via an LLC and did not wish to be named, says he’s taking the home off the market and will in the coming months put it back up for sale with some dramatic changes to the asking price, one befitting its connection to his holiness. A heavenly price.

Reviewing the above segment, convicted felon President Trump on Friday gave a very, emphatic thumbs down, writing “I just watched an exhausted, highly neurotic Stephanie Ruhle spew LIES about Tariffs, as do many others, in order not to give me the Victory that they all see coming. Few people know Stephanie Ruhle, but I do, and she doesn’t have what it takes. Our Deal with the United Kingdom yesterday was AMAZING for both Countries and, in addition to everything else, British Airways just ordered $10 Billion Dollars worth of new Boeing planes. We’re going to make a fortune with Tariffs, only smart people understand that, and Stephanie was never known as a ‘High IQ’ person. MSDNC has become the Voice of the Democrat Party, and they should be treated as a Political Advocate with all of the Taxes and Penalties therefrom. Their Ratings are terrible, but Brian Roberts and his crew should be forced to TELL THE TRUTH. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!”

Asked by NOTUS if he’s going to subjecting the Trump family to the same scrutiny he did the Bidens, House Oversight Charibilly James Comer said he’s “not worried about anything the Trumps are doing. I want you to write this down: I’m not worried about anything the Trumps are doing business-wise, because they’re being transparent. Unlike the Bidens,” emphasis NOTUS’s on the “not.”

Right so when it’s transparent, which is actually an excellent adjective to use to describe the Trump family corruption, like that cross-border trucking company that bought $20 million worth of his shitcoin and said straight up it was an investment in getting a tariff exception, then it’s okay.

Actually maybe America is better off if Comer, who has been pretty quiet this Congress as everyone knew he would be after Trump won, continues to lay low. Were he to suddenly have a change of heart and decide that fighting corruption is a bipartisan virtue then he might start asking questions like “Wait, the Trump boys told me they’re building a hotel in that country with them camels and the fellas with the little picnic blankets on they heads and Eric said they were all Christians there but naw Congresswoman Cammack sayin she heard they actually Muslims so we needa hold a hearin’ with Jonathan Turley and Matt Taibbi to get to the bottom of this Saudi Rapeya or whatever.”

From a letter by FDA Commissioner Marty Makary to physicians across the US, annotated: “I am writing to draw your attention to a dangerous and growing health trend facing our nation and particularly young people – the increasing number of adverse events involving products containing tianeptine, which can lead to serious harm, including death. Tianeptine, which is often called ‘gas station heroin’ because of its availability in gas station stores, is not approved by the FDA for any use.” Yeah but neither are “SUMATRATONIC – My Fat Melting Tropical Hack!” or “NativePath Grass-Fed Collagen Peptides!” and you don’t seem to be in a rush to crack down on the Gateway Pundit and other far right propaganda sites for selling MAGAmericans that kind of bullshit, but go on.

“I am very concerned. I want the public to be especially aware of this dangerous product and the serious and continuing risk it poses to America’s youth. While the FDA is closely following the distribution and sale of these products, it is critical that you appreciate the magnitude of the underlying danger of these products, and disseminate information about it.” Well for every guy with a fancy “MD, PhD” after his name saying gas station heroin is bad there could be thousands out there who have done their own research on YouTube and come to a different conclusion about the product. It was the same so-called “doctors” who said ivermectin was useless against COVID so why should anyone listen to this Faucist fraud about anything else? Let’s hear what Joe Rogan thinks.

And to drop the MAGA voice for a second, Makary does not at all seem prepared to answer such questions to the millions of Trump fans who will be “just asking” them. He’s in over his head here.

President Trump's political operation reportedly dug into its cash-flush coffers to make a major nationwide ad buy to highlight his tax plan and pressure lawmakers to get on board with his agenda. https://t.co/e7B0QZMZbl

— NEWSMAX (@NEWSMAX) May 9, 2025

“MSNBC, the worst there is on Television misrepresentation, is so far knowingly off in their statements about me and Tariffs that it should be considered a Major Campaign Violation. They are nothing less than an arm of the Democrat National Committee, and their untruths are incredible, real losers. Their ratings are down the tubes, but that pressure on them doesn’t give them the right to lie and cheat!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Friday, the “Major Campaign Violation” part seemingly indicating a belief that it’s the title of a statute under the US Criminal Code.

The fat fuck also continued lying about prices, posting “Costs down, NO INFLATION. Very different from what the Fed, and Fake News Media, were hoping for!” Yeah, the Fed’s hoping for higher costs and more inflation. That’s what they’re paid the big bucks to do, hope for increased prices.

Former Supreme Court Justice David Souter has taken his long walk out into the Cursed Earth, taking law to the lawless. He will never again enter Mega-City One. For it is written: the law is unforgiving. He is and will always be the law… Scholar. Judge. Justice. Jury. Executioner.

That may or may not have been what Chief Justice John Roberts wanted to write while announcing the death of his former colleague on Friday, but instead he just went with a boilerplate that his staff likely wrote: “Justice David Souter served our Court with great distinction for nearly twenty years. He brought uncommon wisdom and kindness to a lifetime of public service. After retiring to his beloved New Hampshire in 2009, he continued to render significant service to our branch by sitting regularly on the Court of Appeals for the First Circuit for more than a decade. He will be greatly missed.”

Souter, known to longtime fans of The Simpsons as a “nerd,” retired in 2009. He was 85.

“For the first time in the history of Ukraine, the Security Service has exposed a Hungarian military intelligence agent network that was carrying out espionage activities to the detriment of our state.”

“The task of this cell was to collect information about the military security of the Transcarpathian region, search for vulnerabilities in the region’s ground and air defense, and study the socio-political views of local residents: in particular, scenarios of behavior if Hungarian troops enter the region.”

“As a result of comprehensive measures in Transcarpathia, the SBU detained two agents from the Hungarian special service network. As the investigation established, the curator of both suspects was a regular employee of Hungarian military intelligence, whose identity has already been identified by the Security Service. One of his agents was a 40 year-old former military man from the Beregov district, who was recruited by foreigners and put into ‘standby mode’ back in 2021. According to counterintel and SBU investigators, the curator ‘activated’ this agent in September 2024. Then the traitor was given the task: to study the mood of the local population,” says the Ukrainian SBU in the beginning of a lengthy statement posted to Telegram on Friday, translation by Google.

Holy shit, lol. Missed this on Thursday even though the “WATCH LIVE” was on here. This fucking idiot actually thinks the Mattel toy company is a country and even acted like he had seen their Prime Minister – who would obviously have to be Ken since Trump would never respect Barbie and would instead just ogle her plastic boobs – say he was going to “go counter” tariff their US imports.

Setting the marker down on where he’s willing to get taken for a ride before the meetings even start, convicted felon President Trump on Friday posted “80 percent Tariff on China seems right! Up to Scott B,” as in Treasury Suckretary Scott Bessent, who must be thrilled that it’s “up to” him now.

“CHINA SHOULD OPEN UP ITS MARKET TO USA – WOULD BE SO GOOD FOR THEM!!! CLOSED MARKETS DON’T WORK ANYMORE!!!” the fat bastard also wrote in another post shortly before the above. What happened to a closed market where instead of having 30 dolls an 11 year-old baby girl can have two and then she can grow up with a more prosperous life because she works in a factory assembling American-made dolls that retail for $90 each? That no longer the American dream?

Donald also showed a complete lack of courage in his back and forth over whether or not to increase taxes on the wealthiest to generate revenue needed for other shit, like more middle-tier breaks, posting “The problem with even a ‘TINY’ tax increase for the RICH, which I and all others would graciously accept in order to help the lower and middle income workers, is that the Radical Left Democrat Lunatics would go around screaming,’Read my lips,’ the fabled Quote by George Bush the Elder that is said to have cost him the Election. NO, Ross Perot cost him the Election! In any event, Republicans should probably not do it, but I’m OK if they do!!!” What a powerful statesman.

Convicted felon President Trump’s negotiators are looking for an out that allows them to announce a major reduction in tariffs imposed on Chinese exports during this weekend’s negotiations in Switzerland, Bloomberg reports on yet another colossal failure and capitulation.

“On May 4, 2025, a 47 year-old man from Cape Coral, Florida, was injured by a bison in Yellowstone National Park. At approximately 3:15 pm in the Lake Village area of the park, a man was gored by a bison after he approached it too closely. The individual sustained minor injuries and was treated by emergency medical personnel. The incident is currently under investigation, and no further details are available at this time. This is the first reported incident of a person injured by a bison in 2025.”

“There were two reported incidents in 2024 and one in 2023,” says the National Park Service in a sign that summer has truly arrived as massive ungulates plunge their horns into moron tourists.

Indian officials on Thursday accused Pakistan’s military of directly attacking military bases on New Delhi’s side of the disputed Jammu and Kashmir province, the BBC reports on a non-deescalatory move in the recent flare-up that Pakistan tried to deny in public statements to media.

“We deny it, we have not mounted anything so far,” Pakistan Defense Minister Khawaja Asif said of the drone attacks that India says they thwarted, adding “We will not strike and then deny.”

Now maybe that’s true that it is not the Pakistani military launching the drones and trying to blow up Indian military installations. The problem is that if it isn’t them, it’s gotta be one of the network of militant groups based in Kashmir that the Pakistani ISI created decades ago specifically for the purpose of waging warfare against India in the region. Such as the assholes that massacred 26 Hindu men last month and the whole fucking reason for this current extremely volatile situation.

Islamabad might have created these guys but they don’t control them and there’s no telling if they’d abide by a ceasefire, if any is met between the two national governments. Not an ideal situation.

Yeah for real. ABC News reports “Judge” Jeannine Pirro is up next as Acting DC US Attorney after similarly chemically-imbalanced freak Ed Martin crashed and burned this week. Does this day drinker even still have a law license after being on Fox News for who the hell knows how long?

From a lawsuit filed by a group of shareholders against UnitedHealthcare over how they handled the aftermath of CEO Brian Thompson’s assassination after Luigi Mangione got famous: “On January 16, 2025, following Mr Thompson’s murder, the Company announced that it would maintain its previously issued guidance. In a press release titled ‘UnitedHealth Group Reports 2024 Results,’ the Company reaffirmed the guidance issued on December 3, 2024, stating: ‘UnitedHealth Group affirmed the 2025 performance outlook established in December 2024, including revenues of $450 billion to $455 billion, net earnings of $28.15 to $28.65 per share, adjusted net earnings of $29.50 to $30.00 per share, and cash flow from operations of $32 billion to $33 billion.'”

“The statement was materially false and misleading when made because it failed to disclose that the Company, due to heightened scrutiny and public hostility, was no longer willing to use the aggressive, anti-consumer tactics necessary to achieve earnings per share of $28.15 to $28.65, or adjusted net earnings per share of $29.50 to $30.00. As a result, the Company acted with deliberate recklessness in reiterating its prior guidance,” emphasis added because yeah, they actually fucking wrote that in a federal civil complaint, filed this week in the Southern District of New York, per NBC.

Who exactly “they” are isn’t clear yet. The only text of a complaint matching that exact phrasing comes from what’s apparently a draft of the complaint hosted on the site of the Manhattan-based Rosen Law Firm, PA, which at the top says “IN THE UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT FOR THE DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA,” with the plaintiff listed as “[Blank line], Individually and On Behalf of All Others Similarly Situated” v United Healthcare et al, which could indicate that this complaint was Rosen’s idea and they just need injured parties to sign up as a class. That they didn’t have the right venue in the first place might also be a sign that Team Rosen were indeed working backwards here.

NBC’s article has no further details on who if anyone actually signed on, because holy fucking shit who would want to put their name on that? It’s like a goddamned ouroboros of madness that the greed begat the murder which begat the greed and yet here it is. Someone actually fucking wrote that in a lawsuit demanding that the machine continue to hum mercilessly without interruption.

As Trump & Bukele use Oval to 🤣 Feds’ illicit deportation of a US resident (https://t.co/t80iDMbBKf), once an undoc-ed Salvadorean himself, now-DC Aux +Evelio asks, “Do you not see the suffering? Is your conscience not disturbed? How can you stay quiet?” https://t.co/jTradMfr0v

— Rocco Palmo (@roccopalmo) April 14, 2025

This is the most recent tweet by @drprevost, first flagged by America’s co-greatest clip guy, Aaron Rupar on Thursday, leaving not even a molecule of doubt of certain things are going to go.

Maybe the honorary Pope candidate himself might not have posted “Congratulations to Cardinal Robert Francis Prevost, who was just named Pope. It is such an honor to realize that he is the first American Pope. What excitement, and what a Great Honor for our Country. I look forward to meeting Pope Leo XIV. It will be a very meaningful moment!” if he’d done some basic research first.

He is right though. It will be a very meaningful moment indeed if that’s how Leo thinks of Donald.

Acting FEMA Administrator Cameron Hamilton is no longer acting and no longer employed either as sources tell Politico that Hamilton was semi-ceremoniously fired on Thursday morning for having given pro-FEMA testimony to lawmakers on Capitol Hill during a Wednesday hearing.

“I do not believe it is in the best interests of the American people to eliminate the Federal Emergency Management Agency,” Hamilton told a House Appropriations subcommittee at the hearing, evidently an irredeemable thoughtcrime in the Trump Regime. The somewhat ceremonious firing began Thursday morning when, per Politico, “Hamilton was summoned to Department of Homeland Security headquarters in Washington on Thursday morning and told of his termination by Deputy Homeland Security Secretary Troy Edgar and Corey Lewandowski, a longtime adviser to President Donald Trump, according to a person with direct knowledge. Hamilton was driven back to FEMA headquarters a few miles away, where he cleared out his desk and left,” thus ending the ceremony.

On a side note if Kristi Noem didn’t want people to think she’s still fucking Corey Lewandowski on the side then maybe he shouldn’t be working at DHS and firing people for her, but whatever.

Chicago’s Cardinal Robert Prevost has been elected the first ever American Pope, taking the name Pope Leo XIV. He’s the first Leo since 1903. Prevost is also a Peruvian citizen and there’s a whole shit ton of other details that are going to need to be filled in here. He was favored by Francis as potential successor, which is probably going to piss off a whole shit ton of MAGA Catholics.