“Prime Minister Mark Carney says he told [Tory] Leader Pierre Poilievre he would trigger a byelection as soon as Poilievre can find a vacant seat. ‘No games,’ says Carney,” per the Toronto Star’s Rob Benzie. Copied that verbatim as unsure what it means exactly but it seems like Carney’s throwing his newly-unemployed rival a mulligan and helping him find a way back into Parliament.

“NOW COMES Plaintiff, the state of Maine, and Defendants, the United States Department of Agriculture and Secretary of Agriculture Brooke Rollins, and hereby jointly file the instant status report pursuant to the Court’s Order on Joint Motion to Extend Temporary Restraining Order (Dkt #16, Apr 16, 2025), which requires the parties to update the Court regarding the scheduling of a preliminary injunction hearing by May 2, 2025 The parties write to inform the Court that they have executed a settlement agreement which fully and finally resolves the pending matter The state of Maine will file a voluntary dismissal of its claims with prejudice in this matter pursuant to Federal Rule of Civil Procedure 41(a)(1)(A)(i) See D Me Local R 41.1(a)(1) (‘parties must promptly notify when an action has been settled’ and ‘must file the papers necessary to terminate the action’) Upon entry of the dismissal, the matter will be resolved, thereby obviating the need to schedule a preliminary injunction hearing or further proceedings,” says a notice to the court in Maine’s lawsuit against the Trump USDA over pulled food assistance in what was Trump’s usual petty revenge bullshit.

Germany just gave its spy agency new powers to surveil the opposition. That’s not democracy—it’s tyranny in disguise.

What is truly extremist is not the popular AfD—which took second in the recent election—but rather the establishment’s deadly open border immigration policies…

— Secretary Marco Rubio (@SecRubio) May 2, 2025

On Friday the Verfassungschutz, modern Germany’s top domestic intelligence agency, designated the Fourth Reich party Alternative for Germany (AfD) as a right-wing extremist organization which, well no shit that’s their branding, but with it comes enhanced surveillance. “The ethnicity- and ancestry-based understanding of the people prevailing within the party is incompatible with the free democratic order,” wrote Verfassungschutz officials in a statement and, well, a spade’s a spade.

If tomorrow you were to form a political party hell bent on ending elections and seizing permanent control with which to enact ethnic cleansing through mass deportation then what the fuck else are you if not a right wing organization? If your goal was to end elections and then redistribute all wealth then holy shit what the hell else need be written here? It’s not that complicated. Stop trying to make this and everything else into these insufferable fucking sob stories about oppression when the stated objective of the supposed victims of that action IS oppression. Rubio sure as shit wouldn’t be pissing and moaning if the AfD were an Islamist party looking to impose goddamned Sharia law.

Taking a page out of now-former Canadian Prime Minster Justin Trudeau’s meaningless gestures as a means of allowing convicted felon President Trump an off-ramp to declare victory in the early battles of World War Trade, China’s Xi Regime are putting out feelers to find ways to “address the Trump administration’s gripes over China’s role in the fentanyl trade,” the Wall Street Journal reports.

If and when the glasnost comes and the two tyrants back down from their centimeter-based dick measuring contest we can look forward to right wing media declaring that this is the greatest victory for America since, no greater than, the end of World War II, after which Xboxes will still be more expensive and zero Americans will be working in reshored jobs assembling iPhones and manufacturing will not have made the promised comeback because the pain was necessary to make sure that children’s toys don’t have lead paint in them and so on. None of that will or will have ever mattered if the fat fuck takes this off-ramp that you’d be foolish to bet big against him taking.

Hey, what the hell. Why not, right? Axios reports bald Nazi Stephen Miller is being considered to take over for already the Secretary of State Marco Rubio as White House National Security Advisor.

You might’ve seen the phrase “All power is unitary” being thrown around a lot these days and, though it definitely does ring like a bullshit truism that some intellectual styrofoam at the National Review deploys to pad out his masturbatory column, it’s worth a refresher: Basically what it means is that nothing in government or politics happens in isolation and for any leader a victory or momentum on one policy front begets another in a completely different one. And, more relevant here, it may be even more true on the reverse end. Look no further than the last administration for fucking corrupt assholes Joe Manchin and Kyrsten Sinema, neither of whom ended up facing voters again, waited until after the Afghanistan withdrawal shitshow to decide they were no longer team players and they could do whatever they wanted to jam up Biden’s ambitious legislative agenda.

Without going down a rabbit hole as to whether or not those two were bribed (they probably were, let’s be completely honest) the more relevant question is whether or not something similar is what’s happening here with Ron “RonAnon” Johnson. Don’t kid yourself about this miserable cocksucker suddenly going all “resistance,” in fact think of it as being directionally the same as Manchinema 2022: That he’s pulling the whole plan further to the right of what convicted felon President Trump’s already been convinced by Mike Johnson and his House pals is the bill(s) he wants to sign.

Staring at a possible dead end for the “Alien Enemies Act” shitshow, convicted felon President Trump’s minions are now looking into whether they can label suspected cartel and gangbangers as “enemy combatants,” CNN reports on the next way of justifying extrajudicial detentions, deportations, and probably application of lethal force if we’re being honest with each other here.

“Lawyers and policy folks like me said that it was nuts and that they’d never meet the legal definition, and if we started treating migrants like terrorists it wouldn’t just be a slippery slope – it would be a fucking mudslide into illegality and police state behavior,” said a former Trump official who served at Homeland Security during the fat fuck’s first failed administration.

Chilean officials on Friday ordered a mass evacuation of the country’s remote southern coast after a shallow 7.4-magnitude earthquake struck the sea floor far offshore in the Strait of Magellan, threatening a tsunami, Reuters reports. “We’re calling to evacuate the coast in the whole region of Magallanes,” President Gabriel Boric tweeted, adding that the country’s resources would be made available to deal with any impact. Chilean outposts on the Antarctic Peninsula were also evacuated and damn that would fucking suck to have to deal with as winter approaches in the southern hemisphere. NOAA forecasts that any resultant tsunami should be limited to 0.3 to 1 meters in Antarctica and 1 to 3 meters were expected in Chile, but nobody’s really going to know until it hits.

God has forsaken thee, America. You failed to repent and this is what happens: Kotaku reports the most-anticipated new game of the decade, Grand Theft Auto VI is not hitting stores this October as expected but in May 2026, over a full year from now. The millennials nostalgic for the mass shooting simulator will have to continue to be happy with Grand Theft Auto V, released back in 2013.

Oh and it’ll be more expensive to play it if you don’t already own an Xbox Series X/S or a Playstation 5 since Trump’s tariffs have prompted permanent price increases for such hardware.

Yeah, most of you NZ readers don’t care, but for a certain generation the series is a cultural landmark, having introduced us to “Young Turks” by Rod Stewart and the joys of strapping C4 to a stolen truck and lifting it up with a military helicopter to crash it into other players in a fictionalized version of Downtown Los Angeles. It’s worth asking that if Grand Theft Auto III hit stores in 2001, Vice City in 2002, San Andreas in 2004, IV in 2008, IV‘s large expansions The Lost and Damned and The Ballad of Gay Tony in 2009, and V in 2013 then what the fuck was taking Grand Theft Auto VI so long? This certain generation doesn’t really ask, being long conditioned to disappointments.

“Gasoline just broke $1.98 a Gallon, lowest in years, groceries (and eggs!) down, energy down, mortgage rates down, employment strong, and much more good news, as Billions of Dollars pour in from Tariffs. Just like I said, and we’re only in a TRANSITION STAGE, just getting started!!!”

“Consumers have been waiting for years to see pricing come down. NO INFLATION, THE FED SHOULD LOWER ITS RATE!!!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Friday and, apologies for oversaturating the newsfeed with the insane shit the fat bastard’s been writing from the toilet, but it’s important to stay focused on this as he plummets further down this ever-bottomless chasm of insanity he’s been dragging the entire nation down for now almost a decade at this point.

Gas is still $3.18 a gallon on average nationally, eggs still retail for $6.23 a dozen as of March, the 30-year fixed mortgage rate remains above 6.5 percent, there are no actual figures yet to support the claim of “Billions of Dollars pouring in from Tariffs,” which are going to be paid by American consumers, and yeah Trump’s just going to keep making shit up like this as things get worse.

A 12 year-old tabby named Mirage is lucky to be deprived of her fucking idiot owners after the two of them either stupidly walked off a cliff in Utah’s Bryce Canyon National Park in darkness or intentionally jumped while holding her in a carrier late Monday or early Tuesday, CBS reports.

Matthew Nannen, 45, and Bailee Crane, 58, had been itinerants driving around the country in a U-Haul until they met the business end of a 380 ft high ledge in the park and, while it would seem like they were taking Mirage with them as they ended it all together, it’s entirely possible they could’ve just been drunk or high or something too. The reporting is kind of scant on details that could indicate one or the other, as in whether they were also carrying camping gear and what not and it was simple misadventure. Either way, Mirage – who veterinarians say appears to be in good shape despite the ordeal but they want to conduct further tests to see if she suffered any rib damage – is in need of a new home and can be adopted from the Best Friends Animal Society in Kanab, Utah.

Something big is coming. Stay tuned 👀 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸 pic.twitter.com/wVr6foNWoW

— Scott Jennings (@ScottJenningsKY) May 2, 2025

Supreme CNN douche Scott Jennings, whose hit catalog includes downplaying Elon Musk’s Nazi salute and then refusing to do the same on air when immediately challenged by columnist Catherine Rampell and weakly asserting there “may be some elasticity in the American people” after convicted felon President Trump admitted he was full of shit about lowering grocery prices, on Friday posted something that apparently only makes sense in the context of the dipshit openly teasing a run for the Kentucky Senate seat soon to be vacated by the rapidly dying Mitch McConnell.

“We are going to be taking away Harvard’s Tax Exempt Status. It’s what they deserve!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Friday morning, either starting a fight he’s about to lose or opening up Pandora’s Box for a future Dem administration to do the same to Liberty University, the Heritage Foundation, the Federalist Society, a whole shit ton of MAGAchurches, and so on.

On Saturday the roughly 200 residents of an unincorporated area of Boca Chica Village, Texas will vote in a pretty much stacked referendum as most of them are SpaceX employees, over whether to incorporate as Starbase, Texas, giving the drug-addicted billionaire overlord status on a municipal government and then who knows what the hell will happen after that, Politico reports.

UPDATE: In an attempt to avoid any criticism that our new joint @InsiderPolling/@trafalgar_group @realDonaldTrump Job Approval Poll did not reflect the public attitude after yesterday‘s economic news, we are delaying the release by one day.

By doing this, we can ensure that…

— Robert C. Cahaly (@RobertCahaly) May 2, 2025

“Many of our allies and friends are celebrating May 8th as Victory Day, but we did more than any other Country, by far, in producing a victorious result on World War II. I am hereby renaming May 8th as Victory Day for World War II and November 11th as Victory Day for World War I. We won both Wars, nobody was close to us in terms of strength, bravery, or military brilliance, but we never celebrate anything — That’s because we don’t have leaders anymore, that know how to do so! We are going to start celebrating our victories again!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Thursday night after breaking down mentally during a graduation speech at the University of Alabama.

And, uh, yeah pretty much everything he wrote here was bullshit. In the first World War the US put Britain and France over the top with the late add. The war ended sooner. In the second, the Soviets gained the initiative in the east by early 1943, largely independent of the pressure exerted by the Allies in the Mediterranean. The Allies and the Soviets together dramatically shortened the war and it’s not impossible Germany could have prevailed if either of its opponents had collapsed early. For Trump to ignorantly and unilaterally claim and deny credit to the European Allies, all of whom suffered grave civilian casualties and bombing campaigns is pretty on-brand for the fat fuck.

“China’s State Council Information Office on Wednesday issued a white paper titled ‘Covid-19 Prevention, Control and Origins Tracing: China’s Actions and Stance.’ Apart from preface and conclusion, the document contains three chapters: ‘Contributing Chinese Wisdom to the Study of the Origins of SARS-CoV-2,’ ‘China’s Contribution to the Global Fight Against Covid-19,’ and ‘The Mismanaged Response of the US to the Covid-19 Pandemic,'” and blah blah blah, ChiCom state media reports on their own bullshit “white paper” that DeepSeek probably “wrote” in two minutes.

“The white paper points out that ‘WHO-convened Global Study of Origins of SARS-CoV-2: China Part-Joint WHO-China Study,’ as well as other studies, conducted systematic epidemiological investigations, molecular tracing, animal reservoir screening, and studies on cold-chain pathways, ruled out the possibility of Wuhan being the natural origin of SARS-CoV-2, and concluded that a Wuhan lab leak is extremely unlikely. These efforts have provided the global scientific community with critical empirical evidence and established a research paradigm for future studies… As pointed out in the white paper, the US government, instead of facing squarely its failure in response to Covid and reflecting on its shortcomings, has tried to shift the blame and divert people’s attention by shamelessly politicizing SARS-CoV-2 origins tracing. It has severely undermined joint international efforts against the pandemic and become a weak link in global public health governance.”

“Substantial evidence suggested the Covid-19 might have emerged in the United States earlier than its officially-claimed timeline, and earlier than the outbreak in China. A thorough and in-depth investigation into the origins of the virus should be conducted in the United States. The United States should respond to the reasonable concern of the international community, and give a responsible answer to the world,” the article says and lol that’s some pretty goddamn funny trolling.

Sometimes you have to separate the art from the artist, especially when the target is fat Donald.

The United Nations’ top court on Thursday ordered Venezuela’s Maduro regime to cease holding a fake election for a number of fake offices for a province that doesn’t exist because it’s within the borders of neighboring Guyana and none of this bullshit would legitimize their claim, the AP reports.

“Once again, Guyana’s position has prevailed,” Guyana President Irfaan Ali said of the UN’s order for Venezuela to halt the planned May 25th election in the non-existent Essequibo province, encompassing two-thirds of Guyanese territory. While obviously being a Venezuelan election it would be rigged but it also feels like that would imply that at least some people would be casting ballots, which in turn would require the Maduro regime to have access to Guyanese voter rolls to make the election at least appear legitimate by filling out their ballots and… The AP’s article didn’t explain any of the nuts and bolts of what the plan is, but it’ll be interesting to see what happens when they ignore the UN ruling and hold the fake election anyway later this month.

A registered Republican Florida voter was arrested at the entrance of Disney World’s Magic Kingdom in March after getting caught with his wallet full of magic nose candy at the front entrance, People Magazine reported Thursday. Dustin Lee Miller, 44, was asked by security to open his wallet after setting off the metal detector on March 29th and, per an arrest affidavit, appeared to get nervous and fumbled with his bulky wallet, upon which a baggie of cocaine fell out. Miller was then ordered to leave the premises and was later arrested by Orange County Sheriff’s Office somewhere nearby.

What a fucking traitor to America First. This beta needs his MAGA card revoked for this horrible embarrassment of getting caught willingly paying to enter the global source of the woke mind virus.