The US Army on Friday gave to watchdog group American Oversight a heavily-redacted copy of the files on the assault on an Arlington National Cemetery employee by convicted felon former President Trump’s minions Justin Caporale and Michel Picard and goddamn is this freaking useless:

“On 26 August 2024 at 1030 hours, the Joint Base Meyer – Henderson Hall (JBM~HH) Police Department was notified by [REDACTED] of the following incident: While working at the Arlington National Cemetery [REDACTED] with both of [REDACTED] hands while attempting to move past [REDACTED] did not require medical attention on scene and later refused when offered [REDACTED] rendered a sworn statement on a DA Form 2823 and stated [REDACTED] not want to press charges. Investigation continues by JBMHH PD Investigations Branch,” says the only part of the 10 page document worth copying. Honestly if we hadn’t gotten the heads up we would’ve just skipped this.

We were hoping for way more of the overall context of the campaign stop. While obviously a serious offense and the two MAGA cocksuckers should absolutely be named and shamed for shoving an employee, we were hoping for more information on why they were even there in the first place. The bottom line is Trump was desecrating a sacred space for his own political gain – completely lying about the circumstances of the campaign stop – and the minor assault is kind of ancillary.

Vance in North Carolina: "I want to give a shout out, you guys have a great Lieutenant Governor… *pause* S-s-sorry. *pause* Sorry, Mark isn't here" pic.twitter.com/urtiTNt0Qc

— Kamala HQ (@KamalaHQ) October 25, 2024

You will not be shocked to learn that the now-deactivated Twitter account “BlackInsurrectionist,” the mastermind behind both the “whistleblower exposes collusion between Harris and ABC News before the debate” and “Tim Walz is a pedophile” hoaxes is actually white, the Associated Press reports.

Jason G palmer, who lives somewhere in Upstate New York, claimed he started the account but sold it to someone else earlier this year to a party he declined to identify. But later in an interview Palmer told the AP he’s a “researcher” involved with a larger group of trolls who had made up the Walz pedophilia claims. “We did that with big people. National people. I have no comment on anything else regarding that.” Then he said that a friend in this supposed group of political researchers who actually ran the “BlackInsurrectionist” account actually is Black. Palmer did not identify the “friend.”

Actual people who know Palmer say he’s a scam artist. “He owes me a ton of money,” said Kathleen Albano, whose late husband had a business relationship with Palmer. “He has a way of roping people in. I always had his number, knew exactly who he was. But unfortunately my husband got caught up in a lot of those dealings.” Palmer also owes the state $6.7 million in back taxes, has struggled with drug addiction, as was the target of an FBI raid about a decade ago. Definitely Trump’s kind of guy.

“A video posted in March by Black Insurrectionist shows a computer screen displaying the docket of Trump’s election case in the Georgia. His initials ‘JP’ are visible in an icon on the web browser’s toolbar. And Palmer’s email address can be seen in the corner of the screen, indicating that he used it to log into the state’s online court system,” the AP writes on how they doxxed the son of a bitch.

Chinese communist hackers are believed to have gained access to the phones of convicted felon former President Trump and his couch-fucking sidekick JD Vance, sources tell the New York Times.

Intel officials told the Trump campaign last week that Donald and Jaydee were among a number of people both in and out of government targeted in the hacking campaign, which also breached the phones of members of Congress and (possibly) Vice President Kamala Harris’s political team.

‘The Onion’ Officially Endorses Joe Biden For Presidenthttps://t.co/wxIYJY7s6M

— The Onion (@TheOnion) October 25, 2024

“Google faces an investigation by the Missouri attorney general’s office for allegedly ‘manipulating search results’ and exhibiting anti-conservative bias ahead of the 2024 election. Missouri Attorney General Andrew Bailey said he will issue subpoenas to ‘get to the bottom of what appears to be election interference by Google,’ a spokesperson for the Republican told The Post on Friday.”

“Bailey will be seeking information about the black-box algorithm that powers Google search – which has come under fire from Donald Trump leading up to the election for yielding mostly negative articles about the Republican presidential candidate. ‘Evidence has come to light that Google is deemphasizing conservative speech or content – such as putting conservative reporting on Page 11 rather than Page 1 – by manipulating search results,’ the spokesperson said. ‘Google is the largest search engine in America and has an obligation to consumers to utilize fair business practice,’ the spokesperson added. ‘We will be subpoenaing information on Google’s algorithms and other systems to determine whether they are censoring conservative speech,'” says a press release from Missouri AG Andrew Bailey’s office as laundered into an “article” in the New York Post.

Good luck getting them to comply and stop “rigging” it in the next 11 days, bro.

New Freedom Caucasians chair Congressman Andy Harris of Maryland – the replacement for Bob Good, who would’ve led the far right group next year if he hadn’t lost his primary to some asshole Trump sent to avenge the sin of endorsing heels-wearing Florida Gov Ron DeSantis – on Thursday said North Carolina legislators should award the state’s 16 Electoral College votes because of the devastation wrought by Hurricane Helene in the heavily red areas of the state, Politico reports.

“You statistically can go and say, ‘Look, you got disenfranchised in 25 counties. You know what that vote probably would have been,'” Harris said during an exchange with MAGA conspiracy freak Ivan Raiklin at a dinner for a county GOP in Harris’s district. “Which would be, if I were in the Legislature, enough to go, ‘Yeah we have to convene the legislature. We can’t disenfranchise the voters.'”

Raiklin had told the crowd that in North Carolina, New Hampshire, Arizona, Nebraska, Georgia, and Wisconsin, the GOP-majority state legislatures could just hand their electoral votes to Trump no matter what happened, to which Andy Harris told him to pump the brakes with “It looks like just a power play,” but told Raiklin he had a point about the Tar Heels State, where “it’s legitimate. There are a lot of people that aren’t going to get to vote and it may make the difference in that state.”

WOW! Look at how freaking close these planes come to people sitting on the beach in St Martin, an island in the Carribbean where one side of it is a French colony and the other side Dutch. Think this airport is on the Dutch side of it since it’s “Sint Maarten” and the Dutch like the extra As.

A new Leger360 survey of Canadians finds Vice President Kamala Harris leading convicted felon former President Trump 64 to 21 percent among the people who can’t vote in the 2024 election.

“Last week, Senator Rand Paul sent a letter seeking additional information and calling out the US Department of Homeland Security (DHS) and the Cybersecurity and Infrastructure Security Agency (CISA) for participating at a cybersecurity conference on Election Day. RNC Chairman Michael Whatley stated: ‘It is deeply alarming that federal agencies are spending November 5th at a conference instead of focusing exclusively on safeguarding our election. We demand answers and a full explanation as to why this conference is being held on Election Day, what is being discussed, and how these agencies plan to also fulfill their election duties. It is critical to give the public confidence in the fairness, safety, and security of our election system.'”

“Background: Last week, Senator Rand Paul (R-KY) sent a letter to the US Department of Homeland Security after learning of a meeting happening in Atlanta, Georgia on Election Day. Rather than monitoring cyberthreats that may occur relative to the election, senior federal officials of DHS, CISA, and various other agencies plan to participate in a homeland and cybersecurity training and networking conference. Senior administration leadership should be focused exclusively on securing this year’s presidential election rather than attending this conference. Furthermore, Georgia has endured years of election-day-related rumors, intrigue, and litigation. It is highly concerning that the conference is located in such a critical battleground swing state, right after the election. The letter asks for the conference’s agenda, presentations, and other important information. The public also deserves to know how these agencies will fulfill their Election Day duties while participating at this conference. Americans deserve to have confidence in our elections. We are committed to protecting election integrity for all,” says a statement from convicted felon former President Trump’s campaign.

“Let’s be clear about what just happened: only 11 days before a Presidential election, a federal judge ordered Virginia to reinstate over 1,500 individuals–who self-identified themselves as noncitizens–back onto the voter rolls. Almost all these individuals had previously presented immigration documents confirming their noncitizen status, a fact recently verified by federal authorities.”

“This is a Virginia law passed in 2006, signed by then-Governor Tim Kaine, that mandates certain procedures to remove noncitizens from the voter rolls, with safeguards in place to affirm citizenship before removal – and the ultimate failsafe of same-day registration for US citizens to cast a provisional ballot. This law has been applied in every Presidential election by Republicans and Democrats since enacted 18 years ago. Virginia will immediately petition the Fourth Circuit Court of Appeals and, if necessary, the US Supreme Court, for an emergency stay of the injunction,” says vest guy Virginia Governor Glenn Youngkin in an angry statement Friday after a federal judge ordered him to stop breaking the law and purging voter rolls less than 90 days before an election.

The final 2024 edition of the Harvard Institute of Politics Youth Poll finds Vice President Kamala Harris leading convicted felon former President Trump 60 to 32 percent among likely voters, shrinking to 53 to 33 percent in the registered voter sample and then down to 50 to 41 in the swing state registered voter sample. That last bit we’re not totally sure whether it means anything since they couldn’t narrow it down to likely voters or by state to be statistically meaningful.

Another finding of note: “The gender gap among young registered voters has more than doubled since Spring 2024. When President Biden was the presumptive nominee, there was a 9-point difference between young men (Biden +2) and young women (Biden +11) in a multi-candidate matchup. Now under Harris, the gender gap has expanded to 20 points, with Harris leading by 10 points among men and 30 points among women in a multi-candidate matchup.”

Central Floridians who enjoy watching alligator and crocodiles massacre pumpkins take notice: The Orlando Sentinel reports that this Sunday local tourist trap Gatorland will holds its Great Pumpkin Toss in which for three-plus hours the aquatic reptiles will savagely annihilate the plump orange vegetables to the joy of spectators. The zoo’s capybaras, parrots, bobcats and Florida panthers will also be fed pumpkins, though the degree of enthusiasm with which they destroy them may vary.

“The sight of mighty jaws chomping down on pumpkins has proven to be a crowd pleaser over the years,” the Sentinel writes, citing Gatorland’s marketing team. Still sounds accurate nontheless.

“Kamala Harris has finally lost the Catholic vote. Her and the Democrat’s persecution of the Catholic Church is unprecedented! Her poll numbers have dropped like a rock, both with Catholics, and otherwise. RFK JR has been pushing hard for Catholics to VOTE FOR TRUMP,” posted convicted felon former President Trump on Friday and we kind of have to stop there to question whether the animal corpse abusing phone sex freak is the best surrogate to reach out to Catholic voters.

“Kamala again made a fool of herself last night at a Radical Left fundraiser, and this after putting on a very Low IQ display at a FAKE NEWS CNN Town Hall. She was almost incoherent, and even host Allison Cooper, who couldn’t get her to make any sense, became agitated. Kamala is DEMANDING LATE TERM ABORTION, in months 7, 8, and 9, and even execution after birth, and people aren’t buying it – and they never will. She is a Radical Left Lunatic!” Trump continued in the Truth Social shitpost, emphasis ours on “Allison Cooper.” Definitely not a typo, definitely homophobic.

The fat fuck’s starting to get a bit cocky here, even by his extremely egomaniacal standards. This was the kind of hubris that led him to pick JD Vance as a running mate. Could get interesting now.

In not so few words, House Majority Whip Tom Emmer on Friday told CNN’s Kate Bolduan he’s personally okay with convicted felon former President Trump’s admiration toward the Third Reich.

National fast food chains such as Burger King, Taco Bell, KFC, and Pizza Hut this week announced that you can’t get onions because some dickhead farmer let E Coli get into the bulbous vegetables sold to McDonald’s, killing one person and sickening dozens of others, NBC News reports.

“We have reviewed our restaurant supply given recent announcements. There is no crossover with McDonald’s for the vast majority of our onion facilities,” said a Burger King statement. Buuuut “About 5 percent of our restaurants do receive onions distributed from the Taylor Farms Colorado facility.”

“As we continue to monitor the recently reported E. coli outbreak, and out of an abundance of caution, we have proactively removed fresh onions from select Taco Bell, Pizza Hut and KFC restaurants,” said a Kentucky Taco Hut spokesperson “We will continue following supplier and regulatory guidance to ensure the ongoing safety and quality of our food.” Very creative use of the word “quality” there.

Worker bees at the sub-mediocre political news hive-mind The Hill are writing strongly worded letters to corporate owner Nexstar over the apparently pending firing of longtime Editor-in-Chief Bob Cusack, as Zeteo media guy Justin Baragona reports Cusack has been seen cleaning out his office and that his negotiations for a new contract to continue helming the rat-infested ship have collapsed ahead of the current contract’s expiry in December. From the letter:

“We, the staff and alumni of The Hill, are writing this letter of support for our editor in chief, Bob Cusack. Bob is a beloved manager, who we consider both an essential and irreplaceable part of The Hill. For the past decade, and particularly amid these divided times, Bob has served as a driving force behind The Hill’s mission of The Hill’s mission of non-partisan and unbiased political coverage.”

Lol, Nexstar should fire them all for lying about “unbiased political coverage.”

“An exceptional and dedicated leader, Bob has mentored and championed countless young journalists. He has built and grown a newsroom centered around a positive, supportive and respectful work culture. His credibility, integrity, and reputation extend beyond The Hill – he has been called an ‘institution’ in Washington,” the letter continued, and yeah the place is like an institution alright. They nailed that part. Speaking of which, it’s not clear if Jonathan Turley or John Solomon signed the letter. Solomon’s technically an “alum,” so it’s possible-ish.

😁 https://t.co/2JY48UndCr

— Breitbart News (@BreitbartNews) October 25, 2024

A new ABC News/Ipsos national survey finds convicted felon former President Trump holding a big lead over Vice President Kamala Harris on the question of which one is a fascist as 49 percent of respondents say he is compared to just 23 percent for Harris. As 5 percent of respondents answered “both” to whether each candidate is a fascist, and therefore are fucking edgelord dumbasses who don’t know what the hell they’re talking about, the rawer numbers are 44 percent Trump is a fascist to 18 percent for Harris. The remaining 32 percent said “neither” are fascists.

And since you all saw this coming, hear it right from the pollsters themselves: “Among registered voters who think Trump is a fascist, 8 percent support him anyway.” They did not however include whether they believed it but didn’t care because economy something, or if because fascism is good.