Evidently annoyed over something something pro-Palestine protest at one of those ultra-bougie colleges last week, convicted felon President Trump on Tuesday posted a decree warning that “All Federal Funding will STOP for any College, School, or University that allows illegal protests. Agitators will be imprisoned / or permanently sent back to the country from which they came. American students will be permanently expelled or, depending on on the crime, arrested. NO MASKS!”

“Thank you for your attention to this matter,” he added. Looking forward to a school testing this by breaking up a MAGA student protest of a trans woman playing intramural field hockey.

A least a dozen brand-new Teslas were torched in an (alleged) arson attack on a dealership in the Toulouse, France suburb of Plaisance-du-Touch on Sunday night, local officials tell AFP.

Alleged, because they could’ve just spontaneously burst into flames on their own, a possibility officials seem to be overlooking here by asserting the blaze was “not at all accidental.” Plaisance-du-Touch Mayor Philippe Guyot was also maybe a little too quick to blame some lib pranksters, telling AFP the firefighters who responded had quickly determined it was arson.

Now look, officials in other countries tend to be a little more opaque than American ones when it comes to divulging specific details of a criminal investigation, so maybe these guys are leaving out that there were unused molotov cocktails left at the scene or some other evidence that put such questions to rest. Totally fine. And it’s not like no one’s going to enjoy such confirmation of French libs sticking it to Ketamine Brain. But again, in absence of said information, nobody should just roll with “arson” without leaving the door open for simply Teslas doing what Teslas are wont to do.

Gabonese Supreme General Brice Oligui Nguema, the self appointed military junta leader of the small west African country since a successful 2023 coup ousted President Ali Bongo, scion of the family that had ruled the country for 56 years, announced Monday that “after careful reflection and in response to your many appeals,” he’s launching his campaign for the presidency in next month’s election, a transition back to democratic-ish governance promised after the coup, the BBC reports.

“I am a builder and I need your courage, your strength, to build this country,” Nguema told citizens gathered in a heavy downpour in the capital city of Libreville. The BBC notes that the campaign launch happened after “a new constitution and electoral code that critics argue were designed to favour [sic, freaking British and their extra vowels] a bid for the presidency by the junta leader.”

The Chinese commies responded to convicted felon President Trump’s doubling of tariffs on imports to 20 percent by vowing to fight “till the end” and retaliating with 15 percent levies on selected American goods and expanding export controls to a dozen US companies, CNN reports.

“Pressure, coercion and threats are not the right ways to engage with China. Trying to exert maximum pressure on China is a miscalculation and a mistake,” said Chicom Foreign Ministry spokesman Lin Jian, at a regular news briefing Tuesday afternoon. “If the United States insists on waging a tariff war, trade war, or any other kind of war, China will fight till the end.”

Democratic members of Congress are hashing out an array of props to annoy and heckle convicted felon President Trump during his speech on Tuesday night, including signs, clappers, obnoxious colors, and empty egg cartons, Axios reports. A laser pointer might be going too far.

Police in Higginsville, Missouri this week announced the arrest of a grown man wanted for the theft of as much as $300 worth of Pokemon cards from a Dollar General and a Walmart store in the town last month, the playing cards depicting magical cartoon animals that fight each other, per KCTV.

A probable cause statement filed last week revealed that on January 9th, cops were called to the Dollar General at 3400 Missouri 13 to respond to a report of a past theft. Two unidentified grown men had stolen more than $200 in Pokemon cards and candy, with the investigation of security footage revealing that the adults had also ganked about $150 of the cards from the nearby Walmart.

A search of Facebook marketplace that day revealed a 27 year-old grown man Jonathan Vantine attempting to sell packs of Pokemon cards on the social network’s exchange. Cops matched him with a vehicle spotted on the footage and the next day they tracked Vantine to a McDonald’s at a Love’s Travel Center. In the vehicle was not just the Pokemon cards but other stolen goods, unspecified narcotics, and a .22 caliber rifle. The grown man was arrested and charged with two counts of burglary, two counts of stealing, possession of a controlled substance and unlawful use of a weapon. He faces up to 25 years behind bars because of goddamned Pokemon cards, lol.

🚨Disruptions Won’t Silence Us!🚨

This morning, Congressman Keith Self hosted a town hall to connect with constituents, but unfortunately, many Democrats showed up only to cause disruptions. We’ve seen multiple videos where, instead of engaging in meaningful discussion…
1/ pic.twitter.com/boX1kXFxg9

— Collin County GOP (@CollinGOP) March 1, 2025

In related news, asked about his town hall cowardice from last week, Kansas Senator Roger Marshall on Monday told the Huffington Post’s Igor Bobic that “The sad deal was that is a a county of less than 3000 people. 85 percent of those people voted for Donald Trump. Almost every job there is connected to agriculture, and they were drowned out by people from urban America. So it was just very embarrassing, very embarrassing for the people that were so rude to the other folks,” basically proving the point made that this cocksucker thinks that just because they weren’t local means they weren’t his constituents and that he somehow doesn’t represent the entire state.

As expected, convicted felon President Trump on Monday ordered a halt of all military aid to Ukraine, Bloomberg reports. What’s “funny” here is that the fat fuck was supposed to be helping America secure a steady supply of rare earth minerals – elements critical for the production of all sorts of future technologies – in these negotiations. But because he thinks Volodymyr Zelensky “disrespected” him and couchfucker JD Vance in the Oval Office last week, here we are.

The Trump regime this week forced FBI New York office Chief James Dennehy to retire just months after he promised agents we would “dig in” against the Reich, NBC News reports.

“Today, we find ourselves in the middle of a battle of our own as good people are being walked out of the FBI,” Dennehy wrote after the election. “And others are being targeted because they did their jobs in accordance with the law and FBI policy… Time for me to dig in.”

Trump inherited Biden's bad economy, Newt Gingrich says | https://t.co/sS97GaWISc @MornningsMaria @FoxBusiness

— Maria Bartiromo (@MariaBartiromo) March 3, 2025

Sometimes one need take a slight step back, using just a little bit of imagination and extrapolating to fully appreciate this kind of “messaging”: Picture if convicted felon President Trump and FBI Director Kash Patel were relatively normal, well-adjusted adults and that, back in November after his win, Kash approached Trump and said something like “Congrats Mr President-Elect. Say, I’ve been talking to some people in the FBI and I’m alarmed. They’re telling me Chris Wray is basically an absentee boss and that agents are just dicking around vaping and playing video games all day in the office instead of getting work done. I think a new direction is needed and I want to be the guy to do it.”

Then about six weeks later, after Kash had some “NO VAPING” signs hung up and confiscated all the Xbox controllers, Trump asks Kash why agents are still vaping and playing video games at FBI headquarters. Would “Oh well, you know. Chris Wray left me a real mess here. He had no sense of discipline” inspire a lot of confidence in Kash’s leadership of the Federal Bureau of Investigation?

Trump should fire him then, right? Like most reasonable adults can all agree someone who claims they’re going to fix something and then turns around and simply blames their predecessor has no business remaining in that position, correct? Looking to hear from the Trump fans on this one. It’s tricky on purpose. Can any of you fucking morons ignore the impulse to start going off on a “Deep State” tangent when the actual point has nothing to do with that? Let’s see. Impress us.

Speaking on complete chode influencer Patrick Bet-David’s podcast on Monday, incel hero and credibly accused sex trafficker Andrew Tate expressed some disappointment with the way heels-wearing Florida Gov Ron DeSantis reacted to news of Tate’s arrival in the Sunshine State last week following he and his brother’s suspicious reprieve from Romanian police restrictions, the AP reports.

“I don’t know why Ron’s answer wasn’t, ‘He has an American passport. The judicial system in Romania, which I know absolutely nothing about, decided to let him fly, and he’s flown to his home country. As far as we’re concerned, he’s broken no laws,’” Tate told the fellow Trump ballsucker Bet-David. “Instead, what he did was say: ‘We’re going to get our attorney general to try and find some laws he’s broken and wreck this man who’s done nothing inside of the United States ever.'”

The Dow Jones Industrial Average dropped nearly 700 points on Monday afternoon after convicted felon President Trump confirmed that Mexico and Canada have yet to talk him out of imposing 25 percent tariffs on their exports to the United States, CNBC reports.

On the plus side, Bitcoin dropped over $8,000 in value despite Trump’s “crypto reserve” scam.

Town of Topsail Beach, North Carolina official statement, September 14th, 2024: “With great sadness, the Town of Topsail Beach regrets to announce the passing of our beloved Mayor Steve Smith, who passed away peacefully on September 13, 2024. Mayor Smith served the Topsail Beach Community faithfully for almost a decade, as both a Commissioner and Mayor, dedicating his life to improving the quality of life for its residents and visitors. Mayor Smith was a visionary leader who had a passion for serving his community. His commitment to preserving the town’s unique character and natural beauty was evident in his many accomplishments over the years. He served on countless boards and committees to better serve Topsail Beach. In addition to being a true friend and a dedicated public servant to Topsail Beach, he was also a loving husband, father and grandfather who was adored by his family. Mayor Smith leaves a huge void in the Town of Topsail Beach. His leadership, wisdom, and compassion will be greatly missed by all who knew him.

Town of Topsail Beach, North Carolina official statement, March 3, 2025: “With great sadness, the Town of Topsail Beach regrets to announce the passing of our beloved Mayor Morton Blanchard, who passed away yesterday afternoon. [Several items of career/biographical info unique to Blanchard] Mayor Blanchard then served the Topsail Beach Community faithfully for over a decade, as both a Commissioner and as Mayor for the past five months. Mayor Blanchard had a passion for serving his community and has worked on many initiatives for the Town but worked especially hard on trying to bring public sewer service to residents and property owners. Mayor Blanchard served on countless boards and committees to better serve Topsail Beach. In addition to being a true friend and a dedicated public servant to Topsail Beach, he was also a loving husband, father and grandfather who was adored by his family. Mayor Blanchard leaves a huge void in the Town of Topsail Beach. His leadership, wisdom, and compassion will be greatly missed by all who knew him.”

Still a Congresswoman and not-yet UN Ambassador because Speaker Mike Johnson can’t get his shit together Elise Stefanik was viciously booed Monday during a speech to the Anti-Defamation League’s “Never is Now” conference at the Javits Center in Manhattan as the crowd took exception to her bullshit line that convicted felon President Trump would have somehow prevented the October 7th attacks on Israel had he still been in office at the time, Jewish Insider reports .

“I believe that it’s quite obvious to the world that if President Trump had remained in office, October 7 would never have happened,” said Stefanik in the line that was so poorly received that the next few statements were drowned out. It’s not clear precisely why the crowd didn’t like it as Jewish Insider’s report says that she was cheered otherwise, and even got a standing ovation for boasting that “The antisemites at the United Nations better buckle up because I’m coming. The university presidents were just a warm-up and, believe me, anyone who knows me knows that I’m just getting started,” in her closing. If they liked that bullshit then why didn’t they like the other bullshit?

Hey remember when the “Biden Regime” was making it impossible to build a home because lumber was too expensive, and even though it was difficult at best to make a correlation between his policies and the price spikes he still got blamed for it anyway? Well the same thing’s happening now, except Bloomberg reports that this new price increase is directly attributable to the fat fuck ordering the Commerce Department to “investigate the national security harm posed by lumber imports.”

Markets reacted immediately on Monday, putting the price up to about $675 per board foot, approaching the $700 high from mid-2022, on the Chicago Mercantile exchange.

In related news, Donald posted “To the Great Farmers of the United States: Get ready to start making a lot of agricultural product to be sold INSIDE of the United States. Tariffs will go on external product on April 2nd. Have fun!” as in “Have fun losing a shit ton of business when they retaliate!”

You’d think a guy who got away with stealing billions in Medicare funds from taxpayers would know a thing or two about the federal justice system, but nevertheless Florida Senator Rick Scott’s here on Russian asset Benny Johnson’s show saying he sure hopes “Tom Homan does his job and prosecutes” New York Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez “to the full extent of the law,” for supposedly obstructing federal immigration enforcement by holding some webinars informing people of their rights under questioning. Problem is that if that “hope” was premised correctly, that Homan could unilaterally determine probable cause for obstruction then she would’ve been arrested and charged already, rather than Homan (supposedly) having made a criminal referral to the Justice Department to open an investigation for obstruction or interfering with law enforcment or whatever.

Then again it’s possible Rick Scott already knew all that and is just lying to this four-eyed penis and the incels in his audience so they direct their ire at Homan, an expendable bureaucrat, rather than have to own up to any failure by Scott’s fellow Floridian Attorney General Pam Bondi to pursue AOC.

“The GDPNow model estimate for real GDP growth (seasonally adjusted annual rate) in the first quarter of 2025 is -2.8 percent on March 3, down from -1.5 percent on February 28. After this morning’s releases from the US Census Bureau and the Institute for Supply Management, the nowcast of first-quarter real personal consumption expenditures growth and real private fixed investment growth fell from 1.3 percent and 3.5 percent, respectively, to 0.0 percent and 0.1 percent,” says the Atlanta Federal Reserve Bank in a forecast update.

It’s not clear yet when DOGE will order the bureaucrats who wrote this be fired and placed under criminal investigation for spreading hateful lies contradicting the new Golden Age of America.

“Texas has about 12.2 million head of cattle, the most in America. I met with the Texas Cattle Feeders and Cattle Raisers this week. Out of curiosity, I asked each of them their favorite cut of meat. A few said New York Strip. I asked why we didn’t call it a ‘Texas Strip’ because New York has mostly dairy cows. Just because a New York restaurant named Texas beef a New York Strip in the 19th century doesn’t mean we need to keep doing that. The Texas Senate will file a concurrent resolution to officially change the name of the New York Strip to the ‘Texas Strip’ in the Lone Star State. We ask restaurants to change the name of this strip of meat the next time they reprint their menus, and grocery stores to do the same. We want this to catch on across the country and around the globe. In a world filled with serious issues that we address every day at the Texas Capitol, this simple resolution will help better market Texas beef. That’s good for the Texas cattle industry.”

“The Cattle Associations sure liked the idea. Liberal New York shouldn’t get the credit for our hard-working ranchers. We promote the Texas brand on everything made or grown in Texas because it benefits our economy and jobs. After session ends this summer, I might take a short cruise across the Gulf of America and have a juicy medium-rare Texas Strip,” wrote Texas Lt Governor Dan Patrick in a lengthy tweet on Friday, taking the lead on addressing an important matter for his state.

Interviewed Monday by that Limey on Fox Business News, Florida MAGA Congressman Carlos Giminez was pissed at the “Democrats” for denying “Donald Trump a huge win” by somehow encouraging Volodymyr Zelensky to back out of the minerals deal, with Varney citing a Saturday New York Post piece the chyron indicated was “reporting” but the main screen labeled accurately as “opinion”: “Disaster in the Oval Office: Dems lead Zelensky, Ukraine off a cliff with pressure to reject mineral deal.” In it, Post opinion columnist schmuck Michael Godwin cites a tweet by Dem Connecticut Senator Chris Murphy saying “Just finished a meeting with President Zelensky here in Washington. He confirmed that the Ukrainian people will not support a fake peace agreement where Putin gets everything he wants and there are no security arrangements for Ukraine.”

Evidently Godwin’s interpretation of Murphy’s tweet means to Varney and Giminez that “Democrats” had demanded Zelensky deny Trump a win. Thus it’s “outrageous” and horrible.

Later in the segment Varney informed Giminez that Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth had ordered an end to all cyber operations against Russia. Giminez was unaware and was furious with Hegseth.