Officials at a federal prison in Los Angeles tell the LA Times they were called in to work over the weekend to process an expected 120 new inmates – all of them coming from pre-planned ICE raids at locations across the city. But by Sunday afternoon, just 12 had been swept up, meaning the agency very plainly fell fully 90 percent of its goal to Make America Great Again.

“We are hearing they aren’t getting the numbers they want,” a source told the Times.

The US Coast Guard’s Great Lakes command on Monday issued a press release urging members of the public in the area “to exercise caution around icy waters as temperatures fluctuate across the Great Lakes region. Temperature fluctuations have impacts on the structural integrity of the ice and could pose safety concerns for those planning to recreate on or near ice and cold water.”

“Warmer air temperatures will cause frozen waters to melt at an alarming rate and may cause misperceptions about Great Lakes water temperatures, which will remain dangerously cold, posing safety concerns for anyone venturing onto the lakes. Ice is unpredictable and the thickness can vary, even in small areas. Warm temperatures and currents, particularly around narrow spots, bridges, inlets and outlets, are always suspect for thin ice. Stay away from cracks, seams, pressure ridges, slushy areas and darker areas since these signify thinner ice. In addition, ice near shore of a frozen lake may be unsafe and weaker because of shifting, expansion, wind and sunlight reflecting from the bottom. Before you head out onto the ice or onto the water, make sure you take the necessary precautions that could save your life,” the release continues.

The “necessary precautions” include tips such as “Dress in bright colors, wear reflective clothing, patches, or tape, and wear an exposure suit that is waterproof,” and to use a “buddy system.” Not mentioned is anything along the lines of “Just stay off the ice until next winter you fucking assholes.”

Adhering to the letter of would-be law SF0077, mandating that “The state and its political subdivisions shall not compel or require an employee to refer to another employee using that employee’s preferred pronouns,” Casper, Wyoming activist Britt Boril got just a little bit under state Senate Agriculture Committee Chair Tim French last week when Boril started off her public comment on a Thursday afternoon hearing by saying “Thank you Madam Chairman.”

“You can call me Mr Chairman if you want,” responded French, plainly annoyed, to which Boril responded “Well, I cannot be compelled to use your preferred pronouns as you have all voted,” referring to the title of SF0077, the “Compelled Speech Is Not Free Speech Act.”

“Wait a minute, we’re talking about preferred pronouns, a lot of people are… I prefer to be called Chairman French. That’s my preferred pronoun,” French then said. Boril then noted “I know, and you all voted that preferred pronouns cannot be compelled speech,” and began her testimony.

Trump-appointed DC Federal Judge Trevor McFadden on Monday refused the Associated Press’s bid for an injunction blocking the Regime from refusing the wire service’s reporters access to the White House over the convicted felon president’s personal vendetta against them for refusing to call the Gulf of Mexico the “Gulf of America” in their coverage, Politico’s Josh Gerstein reports.

Gerstein however adds that McFadden warned “that case law in DC is against Trump and ‘it might be a good idea’ to adjust the policy,” hinting that the AP may ultimately prevail over the fat fuck.

In a statement to NBC News national restaurant chain Denny’s said they’re going to have to follow Waffle House’s lead and begin surcharging for eggs due to the Trump Regime’s failure to handle a supply crisis. Unlike their competitors, Denny’s is not applying the increase across-the-board but leaving it to regional and individual location manager to determine the surcharge amount. They also don’t have any figures yet, describing the bump on omelettes and what-not a “fluid situation.”

“Denny’s remains committed to providing our guests with delicious meals they love at the value they expect,” Denny’s PR team said in the statement. “We do our best to plan ahead with our vendors on items like eggs to minimize the impact market volatility has on our costs and menu pricing.”

The average price for a dozen eggs is up another 10 percent this week, per the USDA.

After a considerable number of agency heads and others told federal employees to disregard ketamine brain’s email commanding them to list five things they did over the last week, Talking Points Memo’s Josh Marshall reports that on Monday afternoon a follow-up was sent out, which reads “Pursuant to updated OPM guidance, responses to the email from sender ‘HR’ dated Saturday, February 22, are voluntary. Non-responses are not considered a resignation.”

Hollywood, Florida motel owner Richard Clavet, whose eponymous establishment Richard’s Motel has since 1990 been a hub for tourists from his native Quebec, tells the CBC that business has been shit since Clavet’s Orange Jesus started harassing Canada and emptily threatening US annexation.

“Right now, the places are being filled up with Americans. I just wish I had more Canadians,” said Clavet, who the CBC describes as “an ambassador for a French-speaking enclave in the beachside community north of Miami,” with his main motel and several other properties offering Quebec TV channels, French-language magazines, and regular visits by a poutine food truck. It’s not clear if the beating he’s taking from his countrymen ghosting is directly attributable to Clavet’s support for Trump or if he’s simply just one particularly deserving casualty of the larger Canadian boycott of Florida described in the article, but either way he’s feeling a little extra victimized.

“This is not Trump’s country, this is Little Quebec,” the CBC’s article quotes Clavet as having said to his “uneasy guests,” evidently trying to disown his vote. “I’ve seen a customer dropping a $1,000 deposit to choose to go to Cuba instead,” offended that they would go to a communist state or Mexico. “They’re boycotting Trump,” Clavet continued, adding that he’s worried the few Quebecois he has now are going to come back next year. “They’re all worrying, you know, ‘What’s gonna happen? Are we gonna go to war?” he said, insisting that they’re “way overreacting.”

Free-spirited Russian tourist Olga Perminova, 53, posed for a photo while hanging out of the passenger car of the “Podi Menike” train from the Sri Lankan capital of Colombo to the town of Badulla in the South Asian island nation’s interior last week, Metro UK reports.

The British media outlet’s article includes a pic of Perminova smiling and enjoying the breeze in the middle of the 10-hour ride on the world-famous route, which offers breathtaking views of lush green hills and valleys. Moments later, Perminova grabbed the phone to take a selfie but that pic is not in the article. It’s actually not clear from the text whether she got to take that particular photo.

See the railway was built in the 1800s, during the British colonial era, and the geography means that it’s a pretty tight squeeze. It’s not like most passenger trains you ride in the United States these days where there’s typically a lot of room between the tracks and their surroundings, sooo…

So, yeah Perminova’s selfie attempt kind of didn’t work out for her. Local news site Adaderana.lk has a pic of the aftermath, with Perminova being taken on a stretcher from a nearby station. They blurred out her body. One guy’s covering his mouth as if either nauseous or simply aghast, like “What the fuck?” Metro UK reports the Russian government are working on repatriating her remains.

Scenes like this one where Missouri MAGA Congressman Mark Alford on Monday was mobbed by a shit ton of anti-DOGE protestors – and apparently getting screamed at during a town hall for the very same reasons – raise the important question of how long it will be until elected Republicans start using “insurrection” to describe their own constituents furiously confronting them over pointless layoffs, expected drastic cuts to social services, and supplicating at the feet of the Orange God Emperor and his ketamine-addicted puppeteer. Days? Hours? Or does it not matter anymore since Trump will never be held accountable for January 6th, thus there’s no longer any need to minimize it by equivocating normal protests, so not everything’s an insurrection anymore?

But that doesn’t mean that they’re taking it seriously. One swing district Republican told Axios “It’s 2017 all over. They’ve hated Trump since 2016. Same folks largely,” adding “Most hate Musk based on the calls.” Another said the protests are “all manufactured bullshit for likes and clickbait.”

Also last week Politico Playbook printed this: “As Playbook’s resident geriatric millennial [Ugh shut the fuck up, please], your author’s mind immediately flashed back to the raucous town hall forums that preceded the 2010 midterm wave election, when an angry and energized electorate propelled Republicans to victory and smashed through Democratic control of Congress – only this time, the parties would be reversed. (It is, of course, way too soon to be making any serious predictions about what might happen in 2026).” Self-jerking aside, it’s an interesting and tantalizing observation.

“Some on Wall Street are beginning to sound the alarm that the fast times can’t last,” Politico writes in a Monday article titled “‘Uncertainty is rising’: Stock market turbulence could spell trouble for Trump,” the ESPN of politics warns that this season could be rough for the defending champs as the season ticket holder-type fans are already tiring of the team captain’s mental health struggles.

“For good or bad, depending on your politics, we’re back to the chaos presidency,” said hedge fund manager Jim Chanos, who Politico says bet against Enron and other failing companies, so he knows hi shit. “Whatever you might think about the Biden administration, if you were a market participant, you generally didn’t need to check your Twitter feed the first thing in the morning when you woke up just to see what was said. But we’re back to that, and with that, comes probably more volatility.”

Financial industry lobbyist Ed Hill says maybe Trump shouldn’t have made the stock market an indicator of his success as president. “Everyone who puts on the nightly news or even watches Twitter knows what the stock market does every day. It’s become a preferred measure of the economy, even though we all know it doesn’t really reflect the economy. People are going to be very sensitive. This administration particularly is going to be very sensitive to markets.”

Hungry poor people will have to earn their keep in the new MAGAmerica if House Republicans led by South Dakota Congressman Dusty Johnson have their way with his new “America Works Act of 2025” that could be folded into the main budget bill or bills, Fox News reports.

“Able-bodied people who can work should work if we want to continue to have our welfare programs be pathways out of poverty,” Johnson told Fox News. “There is no reliable path out of poverty that doesn’t have work, training and education at its core.”

“Great news for Law Enforcement and American Justice! Dan Bongino, a man of incredible love and passion for our Country, has just been named the next DEPUTY DIRECTOR OF THE FBI, by the man who will be the best ever Director, Kash Patel. Dan has a Masters Degree in Psychology from CUNY, and an MBA from Penn State. He was a member of the New York Police Department (New York’s Finest!), a highly respected Special Agent with the United States Secret Service, and is now one of the most successful Podcasters in the Country, something he is willing and prepared to give up in order to serve. Working with our great new United States Attorney General, Pam Bondi, and Director Patel, Fairness, Justice, Law and Order will be brought back to America, and quickly.”

“Congratulations Dan!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Sunday night.

“So-called ‘Author’ Michael Wolff’s new book is a total FAKE JOB, just like the other JUNK he wrote, he called me many times trying to set up a meeting, but I never called him back because I didn’t want to give him the credibility of an interview. Others in the Administration were also called, they reported his calls, and likewise, did not talk to him. I assume, however, he was able to speak to a small number of people, but not meaningfully. His other books about me have been discredited, as this one will be also. I am one who believes in commenting about FAKE NEWS, or made up stories, even if you have to ‘punch low,’ and shouldn’t be wasting the time required to do so.”

“We had one of the Greatest Elections in History, and perhaps the Greatest First Month EVER, according to almost everybody, but Wolff doesn’t want to talk about that. He mentions the people that surrounded me during the Election, and in many cases now, in derogatory terms, but they couldn’t have been that bad because here I am in the White House, refusing to take his calls. Wolff says he has sources, but he doesn’t have them, it’s a LIE, as is the case with many so-called ‘journalists.’ If he has sources, let them be revealed. Watch, it will never happen. He is FAKE NEWS, a total LOSER, and no one should waste their time or money in buying this boring and obviously fictitious book!” posted convicted felon President Trump on Sunday, because time is a flat circle and seven fucking years later we’re still in the middle of him melting down over a book by Wolff.

A center-right coalition led by Friedrich Merz of the Christian Democratic Union of Germany and backed up by the Christian Social Union looks poised to have the first crack at establishing a government and handing Merz the chancellorship, Politico EU reports citing official projections of Sunday’s snap elections showing the CDU/CSU in first at 29.9 percent, the Fourth Reich Alternative for Deutschland (AfD) in second at 19.9 percent, now-outgoing Chancellor Olaf Scholz’s Social Democratic Party in third at 16.2 percent, the Greens at 13 percent, and so on.

Politico’s Euro branch describes Merz as an extreme Americaphile and Ronald Reagan fanboy, visiting the US more than 100 times in his life. Or he was a fan until Jaydee’s speech at this month’s Munich Conference, joining other European leaders as seeing America now “as another force joining Russia and China to steadily chip away at their ever-more brittle democracies.” Nice job, MAGA.

Spandex-wearing grapple-freak Congressman Jim Jordan on Sunday conceded to Fox’s Shannon Bream that “Maybe there have been some mistakes made,” in firing thousands upon thousands of federal workers in the ongoing DOGE purge “but” because the Washington Post reported that some of the National Park rangers knew how to unlock the doors when people got trapped in toilets it’s kind of justified. He also said he’s not in favor of cutting Medicaid benefits “but” imposing work requirements are necessary to save money. Since that forces disabled people to have to go find a job and when no one hires them they can be kicked off Medicaid. Thus cutting spending.

A new ICE memo obtained by Reuters and titled “Unaccompanied Alien Children Joint Initiative Field Implementation,” outlines the federal immigration enforcement agency’s plans to protect minors who crossed into the United States without a parent or guardian from sex trafficking and other forms of exploitation by deporting them, especially those who have ghosted deportation hearings.

So if, for example, one of the sex trafficking victims depicted in QAnon fan-favorite movie Sound of Freedom somehow ended up escaping from a sinister cartel’s camp in Colombia on their own and against all odds later made it into the United States to go work on a farm then ICE wants to make sure they’ll be deported back to Colombia for their own protection from sex trafficking.

House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffires on Sunday was a bit tentative on how far he’d be willing to go with concessions to help House Republicans out with funding the government – since it will probably be a heavy lift for the MAGA party with a three-seat majority, especially with the whole DOGE shitshow – for now saying flat-out that it’s on them and for not expect a single Dem vote.

In a Sunday article titled “Idaho murders case: Bryan Kohberger’s likelihood of firing squad execution if convicted increases,” Fox News sounds an unmistakable note of excitement that the former PhD candidate credibly accused of the 2022 horrific murder of four sleeping undergrads could eventually end up being shot dead by Potato State corrections officers as the result of a bill designating firing squads as the state’s primary execution method steadily advancing though the state Senate.

“Idaho is one step closer to becoming the first state to use a firing squad as its primary execution method, months ahead of the start of college murder suspect Bryan Kohberger’s trial,” says the lede to the story which, while tying together two far less tenuously connected news cycles than some other Murdoch media products have in the past, still seems maybe just a little bit forced.

It’s not like the Republican supermajority Idaho legislature is doing this with the express intent that the 30 year-old Kohberger be shot dead so much as ensuring that he and others whom would be condemned have less room for appealing and delaying their sentences based on the increasingly complex issues surrounding lethal injection. Kohberger isn’t even mentioned at all in the Idaho Capital Sun article cited. But the high-profile murders and the prospect of a punishment as violent as the acts Kohberger committed were a no-brainer for the clickbaity propaganda network.

Pope Francis, the overlord of all Catholics, is in “critical condition,” the AP reports, citing Vatican officials who are no doubt already plotting to install one of the Borgias or some other malefactor.

“The Holy Father continues to be alert and spent the day in an armchair although in more pain than yesterday. At the moment the prognosis is reserved,” said the Vatican in a statement on the 88 year-old’s condition. Francis has been hospitalized for a the past week with a complex lung infection which got to the point of requiring a blood transfusion as he was showing symptoms of anemia.