In an interview earlier this week disgraced former Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro told the New York Times he’s “feeling like a kid again with Trump’s invite” to Monday’s freezing cold inauguration in DC, and he’s “fired up. I’m not even taking Viagra anymore. Trump’s gesture is something to be proud of, right? Who’s Trump? The most important guy in the world.”

Then on Thursday the Brazilian Supreme Court denied Bolsonaro’s request to have his passport back while out on bail for a number of felony offenses related to his misrule of the country. So no, Bolosonaro will not be attending the Orange God Emperor’s re-coronation ceremony.

MAGA incel Georgia state Senator Colton Moore, famous for his ridiculous attempts to derail Fulton County DA Fani Willis’s now-self-derailed case against convicted felon President-Elect Trump and his crew of fuckwits, was slammed to the ground and arrested Thursday as he tried and failed to gain entry into the chamber for Governor Brian Kemp’s State of The State Address. Moore is excommunicado from the Georgia GOP for his past declarations of jihad against Kemp and was barred from attending the speech by state House Speaker Jon Burns, leading to this violent arrest.

Still stinging from the end of his quest to retrieve a hard drive containing $600 million worth of Bitcoin from under a mountain of “rubbish” he had mistakenly thrown out circa 2012, Welsh crypto loser James Howells tells the New York Post that maybe convicted felon President-Elect Trump, who is pro-crypto much more than he understands anything about crypto, can somehow intervene.

“So it is game over. I’ve not given up and will never surrender but it is looking pretty bleak,” said Howells “I don’t know what else to do. Maybe Donald Trump could help make something happen. I would certainly cut Trump in on the deal if he could help. I am appealing to him and anyone else who can help sort this madness. I’m half joking of course but it would be great if he did.”

To recap: Howells mined 8,000 Bitcoins back in 2009 when the crypto was a worthless novelty, stuck the keys to the coins on a hard drive, mistakenly threw out the hard drive in 2012 or so, then the next year began harassing the local government to allow him to conduct a search for the likely corroded-beyond-all-use drive in a landfill, and then 12 years later was told to piss off by the UK’s highest court. It’s not clear why he didn’t just start tunneling into the landfill himself in like 2015 or whenever the local government refused to budge, he might’ve found it by now.

Alcoholic shitbrain Rudy Giuliani was supposed to be in federal court Thursday in Manhattan to testify in his defense in a trial over whether victorious defamation plaintiffs Ruby Freeman and Shae Moss are entitled to his Yankees World Series champ rings and some other valuable possessions to satisfy the $148 million judgment the former Georgia election workers won against him in 2023.

But he’s not there, according to Inner City Press’s Matthew Russell Lee, who writes that Judge Lewis Liman has adjourned court until 1pm, by which time Rudy will be four hours late. If he shows up.

Meidas Touch’s Ron Filipkowski pointed out that at 10:44 AM EDT, when Rudy was already 1 hour and 44 minutes late, he posted a clip of his dog… At Mar-a-Lago. “Vinny loves hanging out at Mar-a-Lago, but he’s ready to spend a lot more time in Washington, DC over the course of the next four years in support of his favorite President-Donald J Trump!🇺🇸” Rudy wrote in the tweet.

National Zero has written over the years that this or that utterance or transgression would be it, that a judge would toss Rudy in the clink for contempt, only for more straws to suddenly materialize after what had seemed was the last one. So instead of “OH THIS IS IT, RUDY’S SO FREAKING SCREWED THIS TIME, FOR REAL” let’s instead just note that this does appear to be the first time Captain 9/11 outright fucked off from appearing and without any explanation. And might be in Florida.

The state of the southern border with Mexico, described variously as a “crisis,” an “invasion,” a “disaster,” an “insurrection” and other hyperbolic horseshit by political actors for the last decade is now suddenly one of placid idyll and happiness, even before the one destined to end the madness has yet to formally reassume power, according to Fox News anchortwit Maria Bartiromo.

Former House Speaker and California Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi will on Monday stay warm at her home in DC, maybe play mah-jong on her phone or do a crossword puzzle while sipping tea at the same time most other members freeze their asses off outside the Capitol, ABC News reports.

Heels-wearing Florida Governor Ron DeSantis on Thursday announced he will be appointing mentally unstable Attorney General Ashley Moody to replace former (?) Senator and soon-to-be-US Secretary of State Marco Rubio as half of the Sunshine State’s team of assholes in the chamber.

What happened between when Lara Trump said she was interested and then walked that back would be interesting to learn, specifically in what way DeSantis told her to fuck off and stop asking.

Leading Thursday’s slate of four simultaneous confirmation hearings is Treasury Secretary pick Scott Bessent, an openly gay former Soros lieutenant who apparently literally got the nod for slapping together a graph (some of it in comic sans) validating convicted felon President-Elect Trump’s bullshit claims that the stock market’s gains in 2023 and 2024 corresponded to his poll numbers, that investors were pricing in a Trump win. Probably silly to expect that to come up at all in the hearing but the main reason for putting this one on top – even though it won’t start until 10:30 EDT, a half hour after the others – is the subject of tariffs. Senators will be keen to know how Bessent plans to manage the Orange God Emperor’s pledged intent to fuck up the economy by levying massive price increases on all sorts of consumer goods made with foreign components.

Researchers at the University of Alberta this week announced they’ve determined that it was indeed a small meteorite that struck the pavement outside of Prince Edward Island man Joe Velaidum’s home in July 2024, just minutes after he had been standing in the exact spot, the CBC reports on Velaidum’s missed opportunity to become world famous as there are no documented occurrences of a human being getting killed by a piece of rock falling from outer space anywhere in history.

“The shocking thing for me is that I was standing right there a couple of minutes right before this impact,” Velaidum told CBC News. “If I’d have seen it, I probably would’ve been standing right there, so it probably would’ve ripped me in half,” he continued, evidently considering himself lucky to be alive rather than unlucky to have his name echo across history as the first ever victim of such an impact. Him and all the dinosaurs who died when a much bigger bolide smashed into the Earth 65 million years ago. Just think of all the would-be future Trivial Pursuit cards bearing his name.

“How does one interpret that, except… with wonder and with awe?” Veladium said, pondering the impact itself rather than what could have been if had destiny collided with him on his driveway.

Convicted felon President-Elect Trump’s new regime plans to initiate a “light speed” mass deportation starting the moment the fat fuck “puts his hand on that Bible and takes the oath of office,” bald reichsminister Stephen Miller has been “boasting” per the Washington Post.

The actual logistical reality of that is the subject of a long examination by the Post. To summarize it, the article says it’s going to be, let’s say, difficult for them to round up millions of people.

An anonymous lawsuit accuses Conor McGregor of sexual assault during an NBA Finals game — and also says the Miami Heat team is responsible for the alleged incident because the MMA star's access to alcohol was not cut off. https://t.co/XQ2SQ2ekPo

— Breitbart News (@BreitbartNews) January 16, 2025

Breitbart on Thursday reported that an anonymous accusation in this specific instance is suspicious and indicative of a motivation other than a desire for justice to be served on behalf of an injured party. It’s a contrast with their January 12th, 2025 article “Exclusive – Firefighter Blasts Lack of Resources: ‘We Could Have Saved Buildings Like Caruso Did’,” in which the titular firefighter goes unnamed fearing he would lose his job, their October 2nd, 2024 article titled “Nolte: Kamala’s Husband Doug Emhoff Accused of Assaulting Woman in 2012,” when an accuser’s insistence on anonymity was in order to protect their safety as, per columnist John Nolte, “we’ve all seen what the corporate media do to people who hurt the Democrat party politically,” and their June 16, 2022 story titled “EXCLUSIVE: The Code Behind Google’s Woke Autocorrect,” in which the “whistleblower” exposing the thoughtcrimes regime at the megacorporation feared unemployment as well.

All of those – two of whom were known to Breitbart staff writers – and a great many others in various articles on the site were granted anonymity as they were brave heroes speaking truth to power. This accuser is (implicitly) not however because Conor McGregor is anti-woke.

California Governor Gavin Newsom’s office tells Fox News that he’s ordering the US flag at the state Capitol raised to full height on Inauguration Day next week, a move the propaganda network notes makes him the “only Democratic governor to issue the directive, which comes as Southern California is ravaged by catastrophic wildfires,” without fully articulating that obvious connection.

It doesn’t take a PhD in political science to conclude there’s zero chance Newsom would have ordered this if he did not need to appease the Orange God Emperor. It’s a necessary evil to help ensure that the fat fuck doesn’t veto or otherwise block the federal aid to rebuild the wide swaths of the Los Angeles area that are still burning. It should be so obvious to the MSM that’s what’s happening here that they lead with that takeaway, that the actual story is about the fat fuck’s ego being vulnerable to such petty bullshit acts of supplication rather than the act of petty bullshit supplication itself the way Fox News did. That the position of the flag is all it takes.

Even Fox News seems to know it, otherwise they wouldn’t have mentioned the fires.

Israeli dictator Benajamin Netanyahu on Thursday said his cabinet will not meet to approve the Gaza ceasefire deal, blaming Hamas for causing a “last-minute crisis,” Al-Jazeera reports.

“Hamas reneges on parts of the agreement reached with the mediators and Israel in an effort to extort last minute concessions,” a statement from Netanyahu said. “The Israeli cabinet will not convene until the mediators notify Israel that Hamas has accepted all elements of the agreement.”

Thailand Prime Minister Paetongtarn Shinawatra won’t say whose voice it was, but according to CNN’s reporting on an AI-generated voice call she got from someone pretending to be a “well-known” world leader, it’s at least kind of obvious which particular leader it was.

“The voice was very clear, and I recognized it immediately. They first sent a voice clip, saying something like, ‘How are you? I want to work together,’ and so on,” said Shinawatra. “They sent another voice message asking for a donation, saying, ‘You are the only country in (the Association of Southeast Asian Nations) that hasn’t donated yet,’ emphasizing it. I was taken aback for a moment and realized something was off” and whoever sent it “probably used AI to take the voice” of this unspecified world leader. Who else would be shaking people down for donations right now?

“Today, the US Department of the Treasury is moving against Russian efforts to evade US sanctions. This action targets a sanctions evasion scheme established between actors in Russia and the People’s Republic of China (PRC) to facilitate cross-border payments for sensitive goods. In addition, Treasury is designating a Kyrgyz Republic-based financial institution that coordinated with Russian officials and a US-designated bank to implement a sanctions evasion scheme.”

“Treasury is also reinforcing the grave risks foreign persons face in continuing to work with Russia’s military-industrial complex by re-designating pursuant to Executive Order (EO) 13662 almost 100 entities already designated pursuant to EO 14024. As a result of these entities’ designation pursuant to EO 13662, foreign persons, including foreign financial institutions, that knowingly facilitate significant transactions for or on behalf of any of these entities could be subject to mandatory secondary sanctions under the Ukraine-/Russia-related sanctions program,” says the Treasury Department in what’s likely to be the last such announcement we’ll see for quite a while.

Houston Mayor John Whitmire, Harris County District Attorney Sean Teare and Houston Police Chief J Noe Diaz on Friday announced they’re finally getting around to cleaning out the police department’s evidence locker of old narcotics seizures – some of it dating back decades – because the rats are getting high as fuck chewing into weed and cocaine, NBC News reports.

“We got 400,000 pounds of marijuana in storage,” said Whitmire. “The rats are the only ones enjoying it.” All drugs seized before 2015 will be destroyed even if the case hasn’t been closed while going forward the evidence will be disposed of after a case has been adjudicated. The good news for prosecutors is that the rats have only wrecked one case, according to a DA spokesman.

Jesus Dork Speaker Mike Johnson has removed Congressman Mike Turner from the chair of the House Intelligence Committee, CNN’s Annie Grayer reports. The reasons are not totally clear but probably because he’s considered a “RINO” among the fanboys for occasional independent thought.

Ranking Member Dem Congressman Jim Himes tells CNN’s Manu Raju that the firing “sends a shiver down my spine” and he’s “enormously concerned,” adding that Turner doesn’t automatically “bend the knee” to Trump and kept his “eyes on the prize” of oversight of the intel community.

Former Hampton, Virginia cop J’ron Harry is available for any other police departments who would want to hire him after he was the victim of a sneaky hooker named “Dream” who stole his personal vehicle, wallet, and phone after a December 30th trick at his Virginia Beach home, WAVY reports.

He could be useful for, you know, investigating similar cases of prostitutes stealing stuff from their johns. It happens a lot. Anyway Harry admitted to paying Alexis “Dream” Copeland $100 for the good time late last month and, when he was finished, went into the shower and asked her to join him. Instead “Dream” grabbed his keys and other shit, taking the car for a ride. Later that night other cops found the car and arrested “Dream,” who now faces Grand larceny auto theft, Grand larceny of greater than or equal to $1,000 not taken directly from another person, Credit card fraud of less than $1,000 in six-month period, Prostitution, Obtain credit card number – larceny, and Grand larceny – stealing motor vehicle. She’s due in court March 28th. What a total “nightmare” for her, right?