Indicted former Brazilian dictator Jair Bolsonaro tells the Wall Street Journal he’s plotting a comeback and counting on convicted felon President-Elect Trump to help topple current President Luiz Lula to help make it happen with economic sanctions against the country.

“It’s time for MAAGA – Make All Americas Great Again,” said Bolsonaro, banned from office until 2030, already indicted on multiple felonies and facing a shit ton more after attempting to flee to Hungary and police have obtained recordings of him plotting a coup after his 2022 defeat to Lula.

This image has nothing to do with the content of this “article,” yet it’s still appropriate.

Well it’s Thanksgiving and lots of people have to sit at the dinner table with relatives of certain persuasion, relatives whom might be a little extra fucking insufferable and smug after they feel like “they” won this year. We’ve already done that joke guide on how to argue with them on at least one of the four previous Thanksgivings this site has been around for. Probably two actually.

Instead we recommend a tact like this: “Uncle Marty, I’m so happy for you. You’ve come so far personally since last Thanksgiving, before you went to AA then stopped and now you’re off the wagon again. Janet cleaned you out in the divorce and went back to the Philippines but you seem so much happier with, um, what’s the other 23 year-old’s name again? Yekaterina, yes. And above all else the election seems to be really brightening up your spirits. And yes, you were so right about Joe Biden’s economy and I’ve come around to see the light of America First. I’m really looking forward to unemployment going to zero, gross domestic product shooting up to 7 percent, and gas going down to $1.83 a gallon nationally. Also my electricity bill cut in half. That’s really been out of hand lately. So when should I expect that? Is it going to be in February or March? April at the latest, right?”

Well you guys are smart, you can mix it up. Talk about the murder rate and how you expect it to be zero by next summer. That McDonald’s better drop the price of a Big Mac meals back down to 2019 levels within a few months or you’re going to report Yekaterina to ICE. But be subtle with the threat.

With just one race left uncalled in the US House as the AP on Wednesday handed Iowa’s 1st District to incumbent Republican Mariannette Miller-Meeks over Dem challenger Christina Bohannan by 798 ballots, the GOP are looking into why the hell they lost (probably) a net two seats to the Ds despite the first popular vote win for a Republican presidential candidate in two decades, with some pointing to Libertarian spoiler efforts in several key swing seats as a major factor, Politico reports.

In three districts there were right wing spoilers whose vote share was larger than the margin of the Democrat’s win: Ohio Libertarian Tom Pruss took 14,799 votes in the 9th District, far larger than longtime incumbent Marcy Kaptur’s 1,193 vote edge over Republican challenger Derek Merrin. In North Carolina’s 1st District, freshman Dem Don Davis beat Republican Laurie Buckout by 6,303 votes while Libertarian Tom Bailey took 9,949. Dem Janelle Bynum ousted Oregon 5th District GOP Congresswoman Lori Chavez-Deremer by 9,475 votes, which was larger than Libertarian Sonja Feintech’s 6,033 vote share but a fourth candidate, independent Brett Smith, took 18,233 votes.

Politico identified spending by two groups key for late ad pushes boosting the three Libertarian spoilers: In the Ohio race it was $423,263 from the Voter Protection Project, founded by Dem former House candidate Andrew Janz. Save Western Culture, a mysterious outfit registered at a UPS Store box in Massachusetts, dropped $46,348. In Oregon’s 5th both groups spent a total of $371,340.

Both chambers of India’s parliament were suspended Thursday just minutes after calling to order when, for the third day in a row, opposition lawmakers demanded inquiries into dictator Narendra Modi’s links to the Adani Group and specifically why it’s the US Justice Department rather than Indian prosecutors looking into the shady billionaire and the center of the outfit, Reuters reports.

Mega-rich asshole Gautam Adani, nephew Sagar Adani, and managing director of Adani’s Green division, Vneet S Jaain, are accused in New York’s Eastern District of a scheme to pay bribes of $265 million to secure solar power contracts in India, and lying to US investors about the venture.

“We want a discussion on this in parliament. It is going to be the third day that we are demanding a reply from the prime minister” on the Adani issue, said Manickam Tagore, a lawmaker with the opposition Congress party, which has been leading the protests against the Adani cartel and accusing the Modi’s majority Bharatiya Janata Party of blocking investigation’s into Adani’s fuckery.

For their part, the BJP aren’t defending the Adani crew’s fuckery while not trashing them either. “Let him defend himself,” BJP spokesworm Gopal Agarwal said on Tuesday after the indictment dropped.

Reflecting the opinions of innumerable economists and pundits, Mexican government officials on Wednesday warned that Donald Trump’s plan to levy 25% tariffs on products coming across the Southern border would end disastrously for the United States, Reuters reports.

“It’s a shot in the foot,” Mexico’s Minister of the Economy Marcelo Ebrard said, after Mexican President Claudia Sheinbaum declared that any US tariffs would be met with similar tariffs on US products coming into Mexico, a move that would cost the American economy more than 400,000 US jobs.

In addition to the jobs, an analysis by the Mexican government showed that tariffs on Mexican-built automotive parts or vehicles for the US Big Three automakers would wipe out their reported annual, a situation that obviously would never happen given the manufacturers would pass along the thousands of dollars in tariff costs to consumers.

“Just had a wonderful conversation with the new President of Mexico, Claudia Sheinbaum Pardo. She has agreed to stop Migration through Mexico, and into the United States, effectively closing our Southern Border. We also talked about what can be done to stop the massive drug inflow into the United States, and also, US consumption of these drugs. A very productive conversation!… Mexico will stop people from going to our Southern Border, effective immediately THIS WILL GO A LONG WAY TOWARD STOPPING THE ILLEGAL INVASION OF THE USA. Thank you!!!” posted convicted felon President-Elect Trump Wednesday. Well guess that’s it. No more illegal immigration.

It’s over amigos. This means that not a single person will cross the border after January 20th. Any more than zero means Trump is a failed president. But that won’t happen. He’s in the clear. Also drug overdose deaths will be zero. Same story with that. It’ll go absolutely perfect.

“I will be working on a large scale United States Advertising Campaign, explaining how bad Fentanyl is for people to use – Millions of lives being so needlessly destroyed. By the time the Campaign is over, everyone will know how really bad the horror of this Drug is,” Trump also posted. Lol.

P. Diddy’s will have his sliced Thanksgiving turkey on a metal tray after federal Judge Aran Subramanian ruled that the prisoner whose real name is Sean Combs still poses a significant danger to the public, NBC News reports.  Indicted on dozens of charges relating to sex trafficking and rape, Combs will remain in custody because despite multiple options for house arrest outlined by the music producer’s lawyers, Subramanian said there was “no condition or combination of conditions will reasonably assure the safety of the community.”

Combs’ lawyers detailed ways in which Combs could return to a highly-supervised release in a Manhattan apartment that would be monitored around the clock, giving Combs only access to his lawyers and pre-approved family for visits and communications.  Prosecutors, however, noted that Combs has been accused of attempting to witness tamper while behind bars as he faces trial.

Experts on urine tell CNN it’s mostly okay to piss in the shower, as it’s unlikely to cause any health hazards. “There’s no downside, and it is just convenient for some people,” Dr Karyn Eilber, a professor of urology at Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles, told the mainstream media network, adding “It’s really personal preference that people don’t like to associate a place where you clean yourself in the shower to a place where you also do some elimination.” Eilber did not share her personal preference.

Peeing in the shower is also “not likely to clog up the drain,” per CNN. What the actual fuck, lol.

“In a warm shower, it’s very easy for you just to relax and let the urine come out,” said New York City urologist Dr David Shusterman, addressing a misconception that for women it might cause pelvic straining. “Contrary to claims of urinating in the shower being unhealthy, I think it’s actually healthy.”

The article, by “freelance health and science journalist” Jocelyn Solis-Moreira goes on for quite some length, ending in a section with “Avoid urination in baths and hot tubs” bolded at the top, and warning that “Peeing in the shower may not be bad, but that’s not the case for baths and hot tubs. Shusterman said warm, stagnant water is a breeding ground for bacteria and fungi. It raises the risk of bacteria entering your urethra when sitting in the tub.” Unmentioned maybe it’s just weird to want to bathe in your own piss. Also absent from the article is any sort of social aspect to this, that others might not appreciate you pissing in the shower if you’re at the gym or some other communal setting.

One of the last three undecided House races ended Wednesday when incumbent California GOP Congresswoman Michelle Steele conceded to Dem challenger Derek Tran in the state’s 45th District.

The media are rooting for Trumpflation, since they’ve now seen how inflation crushed Joe Biden. But Trump’s tariff policy is designed as leverage to smack down America’s opponents, not as a full-scale economic policy that would increase prices.

pic.twitter.com/hMZzl3RrD3

— Ben Shapiro (@benshapiro) November 27, 2024

Citing three federal law enforcement sources, NBC News’s Tom Winter reports that the officials who were “briefed on the swatting incidents involving members of the Trump transition say these were not credible threats, no devices or physical threats were found, and the threats did not involve Trump or Vance.” What the “not credible” means exactly is unclear but it’s obviously either some jerkoff troll posting shit online and Trump’s minions grossly exaggerated it or they just made it up.

Whatever they need to justify implementing a fascist police state starting January 20th.

“Last night and this morning, several of President Trump’s Cabinet nominees and Administration appointees were targeted in violent, unAmerican threats to their lives and those who live with them.”

“These attacks ranged from bomb threats to ‘swatting.’ In response, law enforcement and other authorities acted quickly to ensure the safety of those who were targeted. President Trump and the entire Transition team are grateful for their swift action. President Trump and the Transition are focused on doing the work of uniting our nation by ensuring a safe and prosperous future. With President Trump as our example, dangerous acts of intimidation and violence will not deter us,” said convicted felon President-Elect Trump’s spokeswoman Karoline “Blondi” Leavitt in a statement.

A Wednesday Fox News “exclusive,” which is basically just an extended version of this press release, contains zero specifics about the “swatting” and threats, particularly about their level of credibility.

However Punchbowl’s Melanie Zanona reports that Matt Gaetz received a pipe bomb threat at his home in Florida, at which local cops had a bomb-sniffing dog conduct a check of his mailbox. The search was “inconclusive” and Gaetz was not home at the time. A “family member” was though.

Sources within convicted felon President-Elect Trump’s team of scumbags tell Rolling Stone that the self-proclaimed “anti-war president” is very warm to the idea of sending US military assets to Mexico to take on the drug cartels, so much so that the question now is one of degree.

“How much should we invade Mexico? That is the question,” said a senior Trump transition minion of a conversation that ranges from a full blown ground invasion to a “war on terror” style campaign of drone strikes and assassinations whether or not the Mexican government is cool with it.

Should be fine and free of any unintended consequences like retaliatory terrorist attacks.

A federal judge on Wednesday tossed non-CIA agent Ray Epps’s lawsuit against Fox News, ruling that the propaganda network’s lies about the January 6th-er having been sent by the government to incite the Capitol insurrection did not rise to actual malice, Politico’s Kyle Cheney reports.

Congressman John Duarte was winning but after 22 days of counting ballots he is now losing by 105 votes.

Democrats are stealing another House seat!

Elections nationwide should be one day, paper ballots, and require proof of citizenship with ID!! https://t.co/erOpmddwhk

— Marjorie Taylor Greene 🇺🇸 (@mtgreenee) November 27, 2024

Ughhhhh, what a stupid dipshit. Fun fact that she nor any of her fellow MAGA conspiracy freaks understand: A majority of the House, 297 seats, still have a number of outstanding ballots to count in their races, per the New York Times . Of those 294 have been called and/or the loser conceded because the margin was larger than an estimated number of outstanding votes.

“Since 14 November 2019, we have been investigating alleged crimes committed during the 2016 and 2017 waves of violence in Rakhine State, Myanmar, and the subsequent exodus of Rohingya from Myanmar to Bangladesh. After an extensive, independent and impartial investigation, my Office has concluded that there are reasonable grounds to believe that Senior General and Acting President Min Aung Hlaing, Commander-in-Chief of the Myanmar Defence Services, bears criminal responsibility for the crimes against humanity of deportation and persecution of the Rohingya, committed in Myanmar, and in part in Bangladesh. My Office alleges that these crimes were committed between 25 August 2017 and 31 December 2017 by the armed forces of Myanmar, the Tatmadaw, supported by the national police, the border guard police, as well as non-Rohingya civilians,” said ICC Prosecutor Karim AA Khan KC in a statement on Wednesday.

Chinese Defense Minister Dong Jun, on the job for not even a year yet after his predecessor Li Shangfu was canned in October 2023 for unspecified acts of corruption, must’ve pissed someone off as now he’s in the same hot water for God knows what kind of scams, the Japan Times reports.

As with everything internal to dictator Xi Jingping’s regime the details are sketchy so it’s not clear if this is corruption or “corruption,” as the Times writes that the investigation “hints that Xi has expanded his probe into corruption in the [People’s Liberation Army] amid fears that it may not meet a 2027 deadline set by the Chinese leader that it be ready to invade Taiwan.” Then again it wouldn’t be surprising if this asshole was letting military hardware fall off the back of trucks or was bought off by the CIA. Pete Hegseth wouldn’t have the same problems if confirmed by the Senate.

San Francisco MAGA activist Ricci Wynne, known for serving as Fox News’s resident expert on the city’s drug and homelessness crises, was arrested Monday on suspicion of pimping and pandering as he stepped off a flight from Miami carrying $80,000 in cash, the San Francisco Standard reports.

Cops believe Wynne, who is on federal probation, was trafficking the 30 year-old woman he had been traveling with. Evidence seized from Wynne’s three cellphones and his luxury apartment on Fremont Street – where he had another $79,000 in cash – indicated that the supposedly former drug dealer turned Trump fan had been arranging “dates” with men either in the $5,500 a month apartment or on the road in places including Hawaii, Salt Lake City, and Las Vegas.

Wynne, who last appeared on Fox Business News’s Varney and Co in November 2023, had been nearing the end of a three year federal probation term imposed after doing two years in jail for drug and weapons charges over a 2019 Snapchat video in which he advertised a “cocaine buffet.”

Democrat challenger Adam Gray on Tuesday took a 105 vote lead against incumbent Republican California Congressman John Duarte, one of the “moderate” Quislings who won by an ass-hair in 2022, according to a New York Times update of the ridiculously protracted vote count.

In related good news, Dem Derek Tran also holds a fatter but still slim lead over other California Republican Congresswoman Michelle Steele in the 45th District. Both of these say “>95 percent of the vote in” but who the hell really knows how many ballots are actually still outstanding?

Not as good related news, Iowa 1st District Republican Mariannette Miller-Meeks holds an 800 vote lead over Dem challenger Christina Bohannan in the third remaining still-uncalled House race.

An Arizona man was captured on video jumping out of a moving roller coaster at an amusement park in Phoenix on Sunday, KNPX reports. Since it wasn’t Florida, the man was (apparently) not under the influence of alcohol or drugs and was actually jumping off in an act of self-preservation: His safety harness had failed while the train on the “Desert Storm” coaster was being cranked up to the top of its initial drop. Had the unnamed man not jumped off onto the emergency catwalk staircase with just seconds to spare before the drop, he could very well have been flung to his death on a hard turn or fallen out during one of the two upside-down loops on the large steel roller coaster’s course.

The man, who said he was there for a niece’s birthday party, was relieved it was his harness and not anyone else’s. “I think the worst part is having the kids there and knowing it could have been one of them. It shouldn’t cost your life to have fun,” the man said. He’s also extremely unhappy with park management, complaining that the operator “should have been watching that car and when she saw me climbing out she should have been able to hit an emergency release, should have been able to do something,” and that he filed a report with ownership but didn’t get a copy. “All amusement parks that basically have people lives in their hands need to be better regulated,” the man continued.

Yeah it was already kind of obvious who he voted for even before that part about regulation. It was the fact that he was sober at his niece’s birthday, was worried about kids being endangered by an actual threat to their safety, and demonstrated independent, critical thinking about the incident.