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Dudu Fisher to perform at Chabad Jewish Center in Coral Springs

World-renowned Israeli actor and Yiddish vocalist Dudu (tee-hee-hee) Fisher will perform at the Chabad Jewish Center in Coral Springs, Florida at a service celebrating the congregation’s recent renovations and expansion, which includes a new sanctuary, commercial kitchen and youth lounge, the South Florida Sun Sentinel reports on Dudu-mania hitting the Miami Metro area.

“I personally am a big fan of his Yiddish albums. One of my favorites is his rendition of ‘A Yiddishe Mamah,’ an absolutely powerful song that he sings with such intensity that it touches my heart each time,” said Chabad’s Rabbi Yankie (hee-hee-hee) Denburg, who yanked (hee-hee) Dudu in.

Tickets to the service will range from $36 to $54 for general admission and $100 for VIP.

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Hegseth’s ex-sister-in-law submits affidavit alleging abuse

Former Fox News host Pete Hegseth’s ex-sister-in-law on Tuesday sent an affidavit to Senate Armed Services Committee Dems alleging that the drunken white nationalist bro’s behavior made his second wife, Samantha Hegseth, fear for her safety during their marriage, NBC News reports.

Tanking Member Jack Reed said “the reports of Mr Hegseth’s history of alleged sexual assault, alcohol abuse, and public misconduct necessitate an exhaustive background investigation. I have been concerned that the background check process has been inadequate, and this sworn affidavit confirms that fact,” after receiving Danielle Hegseth’s affidavit in response to request for “instances of abuse, or threats of abuse, perpetrated against any other person” and “mistreatment of a spouse, former spouse, or other members of his family.” Petey Pee Pants has not responded yet.

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Trump to announce AI Infrastructure Week

Convicted felon President Trump will on Tuesday declare it’s AI Infrastructure Week with tech oligarchs SoftBank CEO Masayoshi Son is expected at the White House along with Sam Altman of OpenAI and Larry Ellison of Oracle, CBS News reports, adding that the new $500 billion initiative is called “Stargate.” Be sure to print this article and laminate it so the survivors fighting the machines can piece together the clues to what happened in the before times.

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Tiny D dutifully follows Trump executive order

“WHEREAS, an area oflow pressure moving across the Gulf of America, interacting with Arctic air, will bring widespread.impactful winter weather to North Florida beginning Tuesday, January 21, 2025; and WHEREAS, Winter Storm Warnings have been issued for the western Florida Panhandle, with additional extensions eastward along the I-10 corridor this afternoon and evening; and WHEREAS, all modes of hazardous winter weather will be likely, including snow, sleet, and freezing rain;” and blah blah blah, says heels-wearing Governor Ron DeSantis’s Tuesday order declaring a state of emergency in Florida, emphasis added to a fictional body of water being mentioned prominently.

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Nikki Haley denaturalized

Former South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley was denaturalized on Monday, no longer a citizen of the United States despite being born in the Palmetto State in 1972, as neither of her parents were American citizens at that time. Thus Haley is no longer a citizen of the United States.

Convicted felon President Trump’s executive order ending birthright citizenship, titled “PROTECTING THE MEANING AND VALUE OF AMERICAN CITIZENSHIP” specified that Haley was no longer considered a citizen because, per the order, “Among the categories of individuals born in the United States and not subject to the jurisdiction thereof, the privilege of United States citizenship does not automatically extend to persons born in the United States: (1) when that person’s mother was unlawfully present in the United States and the father was not a United States citizen or lawful permanent resident at the time of said person’s birth, or (2) when that person’s mother’s presence in the United States at the time of said person’s birth was lawful but temporary (such as, but not limited to, visiting the United States under the auspices of the Visa Waiver Program or visiting on a student, work, or tourist visa) and the father was not a United States citizen or lawful permanent resident at the time of said person’s birth,” emphasis added to the part that applies to Haley.

Thus, along with former Vice President Kamala Harris and as many as tens of millions of other former US citizens, Nikki Haley has been denaturalized, although she should be able to become one after a lengthy process given her marriage to Michael Haley, who is (probably) still a natural-born citizen.

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Family members of US military among Afghans fucked by Trump

“Nearly 1,660 Afghans cleared by the US government to resettle in the US, including family members of active-duty US military personnel, are having their flights canceled under President Donald Trump’s order suspending US refugee programs, a US official and a leading refugee resettlement advocate said on Monday. The group includes unaccompanied minors awaiting reunification with their families in the US as well as Afghans at risk of Taliban retribution because they fought for the former US-backed Afghan government, said Shawn VanDiver, head of the #AfghanEvac coalition of US veterans and advocacy groups and the US official, who spoke on condition of anonymity,” says the lede to a Reuters report, copied verbatim to not mince words about what the fat bastard just did.

We were to understand that one of the most horrible things Biden did was to “abandon” such people in Afghanistan, dooming them to retribution by the Taliban. Guess that was a load of shit too.

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MAGA arsonist and wife, dressed as firefighters and driving old auction-bought fire truck, arrested trying to enter Palisades area

A Trump-loving arsonist and his registered Republican wife were arrested in the Pacific Palisades neighborhood of Los Angeles after they were spotted driving an old decommissioned fire engine inside the perimeter of the disaster zone on Saturday, the Los Angeles Times reports.

Oregonians Dustin Nehls, 31, whose Facebook posts make his Trump fandom unambiguous, and Jennifer Nehls, 44, Republican, were both dressed as firefighters when they pulled up to a National Guard checkpoint, claiming they were with a volunteer department somewhere in northern California. The troops waved them through, though an actual firefighter noticed something was off about the truck bearing decals saying “Roaring River Fire Department,” asking a Los Angeles County Sheriff’s deputy also manning the checkpoint to investigate the suspicious couple.

Turns out Dustin did five years in the joint for arson after a series of fires he set at a golf course, a public park, and a water facility in the city of Woodburn (lol), about 30 miles south of Portland. The Roaring River Fire Department does not and never did exist, though the truck itself was obviously was the real thing before being decommissioned and auctioned off in the 1990s by a department somewhere in northern California. It’s unclear how the Nehls acquired it, but their intent was less mysterious as cops found tools that could be used for burglaries and shirts saying “Cal Fire.”

Also unclear is how long the two had already been in Los Angeles, though it’s known that Nehls passed himself off as a fireman to get a free room at a Holiday Inn Express for at least one night, meaning it’s possible he said “I’m not a real firefighter, but I did stay at a-” while being interrogated by sheriff’s deputies. The Los Angeles DA’s office expects to charge the Nehls on Tuesday.

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Chef notes he quit before he could be fired

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Felon-in-Chief nukes Biden order lowering prescription costs

“To build on the IRA, on October 14, 2022, President Biden issued Executive Order 14087, ‘Lowering Prescription Drug Costs for Americans,’ to further address prescription drug affordability through the work of the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services’ (CMS) Center for Medicare and Medicaid Innovation (the Innovation Center). The Innovation Center tests innovative payment and service delivery models designed to reduce program expenditures while preserving or enhancing the quality of care furnished to its beneficiaries,” said a Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Studies description of Executive Order 14087 as it worked before being repealed by convicted felon President Trump’s Anti-Biden executive order on Monday. Suck it, senior citizens and poor people.

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Enrique Tarrio released from prison

Former Proud Boys leader Enrique Tarrio, about two years into a 22 year sentence for seditious conspiracy over his fascist street gang’s plot for the January 6th, 2021 Capitol insurrection, has been told he’s being released from the joint, the Washington Post reports. The exact nature of his release – as in whether it’s a full pardon or commutation – is unclear but it’s a fairly obvious indicator that Trump is letting all the worst of the worst inmates out of Arkham Asylum.

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“What appeared to be a fascist salute”

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Scorecard 2025

The following is a non-exhaustive scorecard for where the United States is at on January 20, 2025.

🇺🇸 Average price per gallon of gasoline: $3.12/gal.

🇺🇸 Dow Jones Industrial Average: 43,857 points as of 11:13 AM EDT on Monday.

🇺🇸 Homicide rate: 7.5 deaths per 100,000 in 2022, the most recent year available.

🇺🇸 Violent crime rate: 363.8 per 100,000 in 2023, the most recent year available.

🇺🇸 Average electric bill: $144.84/month.

🇺🇸 Unemployment rate: 4.1 percent in December 2024.

🇺🇸 Average price of eggs: $4.15/dozen in December 2024.

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LIVE UPDATES: The second Trump Regime comes into power

Might as well put this all in a live feed as the illegitimate 47th President of the United States comes to power. And make no mistake, he won the popular vote and the Electoral College. His illegitimacy stems from his characterlogical unfitness for office and the lies, big and small, with which he suckered so many into his cult and others into believing he would solve their problems.

Stick with National Zero for more on the dawn of a new era in American failure.

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Orange Warlord to revoke clearances for the “51 former officials”

Convicted felon President-Elect Trump will revoke the security clearances of the 51 former intelligence officials who in 2020 signed a letter saying they agreed the whole stupid Hunter Biden’s laptop “October Surprise” failure contained all the “classic earmarks of a Russian information operation,” Axios reports on some extremely fucking petty and ridiculous score settling.

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The Oranges of Wrath

Relief from your suffering is nigh, Trump fans. In less than 20 hours you will be delivered from the oppressions the Biden Regime inflicted upon your people simply for having different opinions on the dangers of 5G technology and the efficacy of horse dewormer as a cure for COVID. The fecklessness with which “Brandon” managed the economy, costing you $18 for a Big Mac Extra Value meal and $99 for an NFT of Trump dressed like Elvis Presley. The way crime was out of control starting in 2020 when scumbags saw the then-former Vice President was leading in the polls and thus felt safe committing horrific acts of depravity against decent Americans. The insane open borders policy that cost what felt like thousands of cats, dogs, and ducks in Ohio their sweet innocent lives. The sense of insecurity wrought by wars in Ukraine and Gaza that never would have happened if those bamboo ballots hadn’t stolen his scared victory in the 2020 election.

That horror show ends at noon on Monday. America will be safe and rich again, and the world will be at peace – except for possibly in Greenland, Panama, and Canada. All 20 million or however many undocumented migrants will be rounded up and removed. The border will be closed. Birthright citizenship will be ended. Every person convicted of a crime committed during the January 6th, 2021 Capitol insurrection will be pardoned. Everything imported from Mexico, Canada, and China will be hit with massive tariffs to the benefit of the American worker and their families, as tariffs will pay for free universal child care nationwide. And that’s just on day one of his historic second administration.

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

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