Sources tell CBS News Republican Iowa Senator Joni Ernst has decided that her sage wisdom of “we’re all going to die someday” applies to her political career as well, as is self-terminating by not running for reelection in 2026. Ernst is expected to make the announcement next week.

The Trump Regime had hoped Ernst, first elected in 2014, would run for a third term. Nothing in CBS’s article points to a material reason for her dropping out, all it says is “Ernst has told people close to her that she intended to serve only two terms, she has accomplished what she set out to do, and intends to head to the private sector, one of the sources said.” Fair enough for CBS to carry that water in exchange for the scoop. But that’s some weak-ass spin considering that on one end she possibly kind of got blackmailed into voting to confirm Petey Pee Pants as Defense Secretary by MAGA agents who knew she was effing a legendary sex machine Air Force officer assigned to lobby for the branch on Capitol Hill. Then on the other there was the “we’re all going to die someday” free ad material for a Dem challenger. Plus who the hell knows what other reasons she hates this job.

Anyway fuck her and the breadbags she rode in on. Tommy Tuberville and Marsha Blackburn don’t have integrity because their stupid hick brains are incapable of perceiving what integrity is. There is no selling out for them because they were bought long ago. Ernst isn’t dumb, she had some tiny remnants of a soul, and nevertheless she gave that away just to make it from one month to the next.

PSA special edition gold sauce is dropping on 9.03 and u can get it on ur Snack Wrap, McCrispy, or with ur strips pic.twitter.com/6KaUpFJJ08

— McDonald's (@McDonalds) August 26, 2025

In leaked audio obtained by the Atlanta Journal Constitution, Republican Georgia Governor Brian Kemp can be heard shit-talking MAGA Congressmen Mike Collins and Buddy Carter as non-viable candidates to take on incumbent Dem Senator Jon Ossoff in next year’s crucial midterm.

“Another congressman from a heavily Republican district with a congressional voting record isn’t going to work… I know and respect both Congressmen Carter and Collins. This is not an attack on them. It’s just the way that I feel. Ossoff will have hundreds of millions of dollars to define anyone’s voting record in the worst possible light,” said Kemp, an astute observer of politics who nevertheless proooooobably wishes this audio hadn’t leaked given the reported private tensions between him and the Orange God Emperor over Kemp’s selling his endorsee Derek Dooley over the two cultists Carver and Collins. “People are pissed. Trumpworld is pissed,” a source told NOTUS of the drama.

The former University of Tennessee NCAA football coach Dooley is “a hard worker who can connect with people and will bring common sense to Washington,” the governor said on the call with GOP donors. “While he may not have a political background, he has been tested more than most.”

Thailand’s top constitutional court on Friday dropped the hammer on 39 year-old nepo hire Prime Minister Ivanka Paetongtarn Shinawatra, who was suspended from office early last month following the leak of a phone call with Cambodian elder statesman Hun Sen over a skirmish between the countries’ militaries – one that escalated into almost all-out war leaving dozens dead during her suspension – removing her from office and setting off a possible constitutional crisis, AFP reports.

Paetongtarn successfully talked the former Cambodian head of state Sen – who still maintains a considerable amount of power – into ordering his military to ease up even after one of their soldiers was killed in a skirmish with Thai troops. Paetongtarn called Sen “uncle” out of respect given her family’s previous history with him and badmouthed some of the extremists in her own military, something seen by her conservative opponents as “breaching ethical standards.” Yet even the fact that the cross-border violence got considerably worse while Acting Prime Minister Suriya Juangroongruangkit was in charge apparently did not vindicate Paetongtarn and the court nixed her.

The now-former Prime Minister is the fifth out of six from a party founded by her father, former PM Thaskin Shinawatra, to have been removed over the last two decades. One of them, Samak Sundaravej, was canned by the court in 2008 for hosting a TV cooking show. Only Thaskin, 76, himself has dodged that ignominy and – just last week – 15 years in the joint on royal insult charges.

Hulk Hogan’s wife evidently isn’t accepting the sage words of Iowa Senator Joni Ernst about the nature of death and is suing the doctors who operated on the racist wrestler’s neck back in May alleging that they effed up his nerves or something when they tried to fix a 71 year-old lifelong steroid abuser who spent decades violently pretend-fighting other men who often weighed upwards of 300 lbs of muscle, Breitbart reports. The far right propaganda site notes that “the Hulkster’s” widow Sky Daily “ordered a private autopsy to try to pinpoint the causes of his death, but she has not released those results to the public,” which sure sounds like she already has the results.

“Sky also said she is working with the police and supplying them with all house surveillance videos, accounts of Hogan’s medications, and his entire set of medical records,” Breitbart writes because why not just open the door a little teeny tiny sliver to allow for the paranoid MAGA freaks in the reader base – as in pretty much all of them – to start a Deep State assassination narrative?

In separate Friday morning cable news bits, Jesus Dork Speaker of the House Mike Johnson first refused to engage with CNN anchor John Berman’s parsing of Fox News’s polling showing the small number of popular provisions to the Big Beautiful Piece of Shit his party jammed through Congress early last month, saying the poll was manipulated somehow and that the whole thing is actually super popular since he’s been to town halls in which people stood up to applaud the legislation.

He then cited the makeup of California’s House delegation to claim that Golden State MAGA voters are being disenfranchised under Gov Gavin Newsom’s retaliatory re-gerrymander, unlike Texas Dem voters who don’t deserve shit. Later on Fox News Johnson was asked to respond to Newsom highlighting Louisiana’s murder rate is nearly four times that of California’s, clearly annoying the speaker who said Newsom “needs to go an govern his state and not be engaging in all this.”

The monthly Bureau of Economic analysis “Personal Income and Outlays, July 2025” report shows that the Core Personal Expenditure “index for July increased 2.6 percent. Excluding food and energy, the PCE price index increased 2.9 percent from one year ago.” CNBC reports that, though it’s a 0.1 percent annual increase, it is in line with Dow Jones consensus expectations on the “Federal Reserve’s preferred inflation measure” and an indication “that [notorious sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein’s friend] President Donald Trump’s tariffs are working their way through the US economy.”

For the second time this August a client of Brad Bondi, brother of scumbag US Attorney General Pam, has scored a complete and total exoneration for a federal criminal client, ABC News reports on the obviously completely meritocratic and objective display of his lawyering skills.

Missouri property developer Sid Chakraverty had been facing felony wire fraud charges in a 2024 indictment that accused him of lying about hiring women/minority-owned subcontractors on a housing development in order to receive tax benefits. With the Biden-appointed US Attorney gone and a new sheriff in town, Trump’s federal prosecutors took a fresh look and decided that Chakraverty wasn’t such a bad guy and he agreed to simply pay the tax credits back to the IRS.

The W for Brad came just weeks after prosecutors gave Republican former Florida state Rep Carolina Amesty amnesty on charges that she ripped off the government’s 2020 COVID relief programs. Amesty had faced 20 years in the joint, now down to 0 thanks to Brad’s lawyering.

Convicted felon President Trump has canceled former Vice President Kamala Harris’s Secret Service detail that had been quietly extended indefinitely by former President Joe Biden in an undisclosed order, CNN reports. Unlike presidents, who are protected for life, former vice presidents only get six months worth of protection after leaving office, unless the sitting president extends it.

Which Biden did. And Trump undid. “You are hereby authorized to discontinue any security-related procedures previously authorized by Executive Memorandum, beyond those required by law, for the following individual, effective September 1, 2025: Former Vice President Kamala D Harris,” wrote Trump in a memo to DHS on Thursday. The rug pull comes just days before Harris is set to go on a tour promoting her memoir, “107 Days” about her failed campaign against the Orange Tyrant.

Below is an image of the aftermath of the deadly crash caused by illegal immigrant and unlicensed truck driver Harijinder Singh in St Lucie County, Florida earlier this month, the license plate covered up by someone proficient in MS Paint in the sheriff’s office after Singh made an illegal U-turn and the minivan’s driver plowed into the trailer. You can think of it as an allegory for the situation or as a deliberate choice in controlling certain politically-charged elements of the narrative in the story.

It probably is the latter, let’s be honest here. Will get to why, but first an update on the aftermath of the August 12th crash that gathered a shit ton of MAGA media attention because of the driver, a 28 year-old Singh, who entered the US illegally via Mexico in 2018. How this is known is not clear, the Tampa Bay Times writes that Florida state troopers did not arrest him at the scene and only found out about his status after checking with ICE two days later, by that time Singh was already back home in California for seriously who the hell knows what reason they let him go after three people were freaking killed. Heels-wearing Gov Ron DeSantis then made a big scene and sent his Lt Gov to arrest Singh and take him back to Florida when he never should’ve left in the first place.

Now that they’re in power again, Republicans have resumed their harassment of Google over Gmail’s spam blockers filtering out their bullshit fundraising blasts, this time through the FTC, Axios reports.

“I write due to recent reporting that suggests Alphabet’s administration of Gmail is designed to have partisan effects, and accordingly to notify you that Alphabet may be engaging in unfair or deceptive acts or practices,” Trump FTC Chair Andrew Ferguson wrote in a letter to Google CEO Sundar Pichai, adding “I write to inform you of your obligations under the FTC Act… Any act or practice inconsistent with these obligations could lead to an FTC investigation and potential enforcement action.”

Republican Surry County, North Carolina Board of Elections Chair James Yokely submitted his resignation on Tuesday, a few weeks after a bizarre incident described in an August 8th Wilmington Police Department statement posted on Facebook: “On August 8, 2025, while on patrol, a Wilmington Police Officer was flagged down by James Yokeley at the Sheetz gas station at 2517 Shipyard Blvd. Mr Yokeley informed the officer that his two juvenile granddaughters had found two hard objects in the ice cream they had recently purchased at the Dairy Queen located at 5901 Oleander Dr. Medical personnel checked the two juveniles. It was determined that they had not ingested any of the substances. The two pills were collected, and preliminary field tests conducted indicated that the pills were illegal narcotics. Those pills have since been sent to the State lab for further conclusive testing. WPD detectives were notified and opened an investigation.”

“During the investigation, it was determined by video footage that Yokeley had been the one who placed the two pills into both victims’ ice cream. Mr James Edwin Yokeley Jr, age 66, has been charged with contaminating food or drink with a controlled substance and felony child abuse. He was transported to the New Hanover County Detention Center and posted a $100,000 secured bond. This is still an ongoing investigation,” the post continued and extra LOL at the part where he was on video trying to frame the Dairy Queen for who the hell knows what reason or objective.

For his part in his resignation letter Yokely wrote he remains “prayerfully confident that I will be exonerated of all accusations levied against me,” so no explanation on motive or the point of it will be forthcoming. Also curious about where a 66 year-old MAGA gets coke and ecstasy.

“I am extremely alarmed at the firing of the CDC director… I see no basis for her firing. It is highly significant that her removal led to the immediate resignation of four other top officials who have served at the CDC for decades in some cases” said Maine Senator Susan Collins on Thursday.

Haha! Great one Jaydee! “If Donald Trump came out tomorrow and said he really likes puppies, you would have AOC come out and say puppies are terrible”! Classic! The crowd there loved it!

Luckily he didn’t say “If Donald Trump cured cancer…” because AOC would say “Actually you and Bobby Brainworms defunded research that could’ve cured cancer,” and the joke would’ve fallen flatter than it did out here in the real world, where pretending Dems like crime is a pretty weak play.

You will not be surprised to learn that psychopathic “Libertarian” Argentina President Javier Milei, whose whole chainsaw act rocketed him into office in 2023, turns out to be just as corrupt as the system he said he was destroying as his sister and other allies have been implicated in a bribery scheme to loot the country’s disability benefits program, the Associated Press reports.

“This week’s operation is nothing more than another in the long list of schemes by the ‘caste,'” said Milei on Thursday, using his version of the “Deep State,” which the AP says is his preferred term for Argentina’s left-leaning Peronist opposition that has dominated politics for decades. So yeah, Deep State. “Like all previous schemes, it’s another lie,” the douchey Trump wannabe continued.

Sales of Ketamine Brain’s cars dropped for the seventh month in a row in July in Europe, down 40 percent from January and leaving Tedla with just 1 percent of the market share, Gizmodo reports.

“Eating a daily serving of about one handful of walnuts (40 grams or about 1.5 ounces) with dinner may help improve measures of overall sleep quality and reduce daytime sleepiness in healthy young adults, according to a new randomized controlled trial published in Food and Function. Researchers from the University of Barcelona aimed to study the potential impact that daily walnut consumption could have on specified urine biomarkers (6-SMT, a biproduct of melatonin), sleep quality parameters (sleep latency, wake after sleep onset, awakenings, and efficiency) and daytime sleepiness,” says the California Walnut Commission in a press release on the exciting new results.

“The study evaluated the effects of consuming 40 grams of walnuts daily with dinner over an eight-week period among 76 healthy young adults ages 20-28 (85 percent female), who completed both walnut and control phases in a crossover design. Researchers found that eating walnuts boosted a key biomarker of the sleep-regulating hormone, melatonin, which was significantly increased in evening urine samples after a four-week intervention period when participants consumed walnuts, as compared to the control period. The walnut intervention also shortened the time it took participants to fall asleep by 1.3 minutes, improved overall sleep quality scores, and reduced self-reported daytime sleepiness compared to a control, nut-free period. While sleep quality scores improved, there were no significant differences in measures of circadian-related variables between the intervention and control conditions. With these findings, the researchers suggest walnut consumption could potentially be a simple, food-based approach to supporting healthy sleep.”

“*This research was funded by the California Walnut Commission,” the very lengthy press release says in italicized small print at the bottom. Big Walnut is mocking you to your faces, people.

A spokesman for Naval Station Great Lakes on Thursday said the Trump Reich DHS have ordered the commandeering of the base 35 miles north of Chicago for “limited support in the form of facilities, infrastructure, and other logistical needs to support DHS operations,” the Chicago Tribune reports.

The spokesman said it’s just a preliminary step thus far and personnel there have not been asked to support a National Guard deployment but it’s not hard to see where this is going.

Remember this when you go to the ballot box at the midterms, that these seven legitimate criminals and sex offenders who were here in the US illegally were the ones getting deported for their crimes while Democrats were protesting ICE detaining people like two wildland firefighters on the scene of major inferno in Washington state or 20 year-old Georgia nursing student Allison Bustillo Chinchilla who was held by ICE for 6 months until she begged them to simply deport her back to her native Honduras, from where her family fled violent extortionist gangbangers 12 years ago.

Yeah, that’s right. Keep this right at the forefront of you mind when you go to the ballot box and not the fact that Fox News wouldn’t even be airing this segment highlighting these scumbags at all if they were the only ones being arrested by ICE while a semi-pro soccer player from Angola whose wife is pregnant or a Pakistani-born US Army veteran and dad of two on his way were left alone.

That last guy was arrested in the middle of his citizenship interview, by the way.