52-year-old Robert Matthew Van Winkle, best known for rapping to a sample from a hit song by David Bowie and Queen (thereby falsely getting the hopes up of thousands of radio listeners throughout the ’90s when the first three bars of his rip off were played) before taking on various projects like television host and construction contractor, will try to rejuvenate his stagnant musical career with a concert in a state seeing geometrical spikes in the spread of a global pandemic.
Up to 2,500 people, each seeking to reclaim the really cool personae they imagined they had in the 1980s and early ’90s as they tried to be “street” because they confused Miami Vice with real life, can get tickets to the July event in Texas, which is expected to have Mr. Van Winkle perform his single hit on a loop while taking intermintite breaks to demonstrate home remodeling skills featured in his TLC house flipping series.
No ticket prices have been announced, but seriously, would you pay to gather with 2,499 other mentally unsafe, likely infected people who want to relive the 1980s and break out their parachute pants and reminisce about when MTV actually played music videos?
Or you could just dust off the CD of “That’s what I call the ’90s” and crack open a bottle of Bartles and James while you brag about your Beanie Baby collection. Your choice.