The fanboys are upset over iconic Sesame Street character Big Bird getting “all political” and tweeting that he got vaccinated because public health and disease prevention is now political for whatever reason (we know exactly why and who did it, but roll with it). That Sesame Street wading into thorny real life issues to ease young children into them shouldn’t come as a shock to MAGAmericans – they’ve been doing it for decades now – but it shows that they probably didn’t watch the widely loved educational program themselves when growing up.
National Zero has compiled a handy guide to the show’s concepts and characters, sweeping the clouds away, and (re)introducing Republican voters to the wonderful world of Sesame Street.
| Sesame Street: “Diverse” urban community plagued by homelessness and loitering |
| Elmo: Child-minded socialist simpleton |
| Oscar the Grouch: Street-shitting liberal vagrant |
| Snuffleupagus: Deformed freak of nature |
| Abby: Ungodly and unchristian pagan |
| Ernie and Bert: Perfectly respectable young men who just happen to share a bedroom |
| The Count: Ghoulish, blood-sucking Eastern European obsessed with numbers, so he’s basically the Muppet version of George Soros |
| Zoe: Needy spinster |
| Cookie Monster: Unhinged, hoarse-voiced addict on SNAP benefits |
| Telly: Neurotic, paranoid, effete |
| Grover: Queer as a $3 bill |
| Big Bird: Satanic vax propagandist |
| Kermit the Frog: Biased, hateful, agenda-driven fake news |
| Martians: Menacing invaders inducing nightmares in four year old boys living on Long Island in the late 1980s causing an irrational lifelong fear of extraterrestrials that persists to this day |
National Zero will issue a similar guide if/when Thomas the Tank Engine makes a public statement in support of the Biden Infrastructure bill and elected Republicans react angrily.