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- I feel bad for the Chinese balloon. It travels all the way over to the United States and all it gets to see are flyover states.
- The first green comet in 50,000 years and Mother Nature gives us four days of overcast skies at night. For astrophiles, it’s like being alive in 1969 and living in upstate New York but not being at Woodstock because of a flat tire.
- Hey, Republicans, look who the first person to take on Trump in your Party is: a woman. The men don’t have the spine to do what needs to be done for the best of the country. Now, all y’all go on and get hit with a giant asteroid.
- George Santos’s committee assignments lasted less than a Scaramucci.
- Republicans are probably right: under Trump, the Chinese never would have launched a spy balloon. It would have been an unnecessary effort. Like the Russians in the Oval Office in February 2017, Trump would have just told the Chinese what they wanted to know. “You want chocolate cake? It’s very good! No? Missile plans? Right there, in that drawer.”
- Within two years of leaving office, Bill Clinton set up a foundation to address healthcare and education access for the poor around the world. Barack Obama also started a foundation, helped with a worldwide disaster relief effort for victims of two major hurricanes, and set his presidential library into motion. Donald Trump sold NFTs, hosted an FBI search, cost his Party key gains in the midterms, buried an ex-wife on a golf course, and had his company convicted of a felony. And that’s the good stuff.
- Since World War II, there have only been three January jobs reports that showed more than 500,000 jobs created. All three were been released with Joe Biden in the Oval Office, showing business is planning for success each year Biden’s in the White House.
- Republicans wearing assault weapon pins isn’t just an attempt to “own the libs.” It’s an effort to inflict unimaginably cruel pain on those impacted by the violence those guns caused. It’s one thing to be a gun ownership advocate; it’s another to be a fucking asshole.
- In February 2019, Ilhan Omar made a questionable tweet (for which she later “unequivocally apologize[d]”) that Kevin McCarthy is using to keep her off a committee because, he claims, it shows she’s anti-Semitic. Less than four months prior to Omar’s tweet, Marjorie Taylor Greene posted on Facebook about Rothschild-owned space lasers. Greene has never apologized and she sits on the Homeland Security Committee ‘cause IOKIYAR.
- Republicans: It was unnecessary for police protecting members of Congress to shoot a rioter disobeying police orders while illegally breaching the Capitol. Also Republicans: We find it necessary to carry guns in committee meetings in case we need to shoot someone in case a riot breaks out and we need to protect ourselves.
- According to Emily Post, how long after McCarthy boots Omar from the committee must he wait before bitching about “cancel culture” on the left again?
- Expect the first stories of alleged Nikki Haley infidelities to start popping up when she hits double-digits in the polls. Internecine GOP politics are predictable, particularly when it comes to women.
- Amazing what you can learn from experts. I had a 15-minute conversation with an arborist about the condition of the trees in our backyard as he gave an estimate on taking down some dead wood, and I feel like I’ve picked up more during that discussion about trees than in all the numerous botany lessons I had in school.
- When is a coffee no longer a coffee? A local coffee shop promoted something called Double Chocolate Fudge Brownie Mocha Latte that should just be called a caffeinated hot chocolate.
- I would love to have been in the pitch meeting for the guy who first put Groundhog Day on a printed calendar in the 1800s: “Okay, boss, so it’s about this group of white guys in a small Pennsylvania town who yank a rodent out of the ground to determine future weather. I really think we should commemorate it with a mention.”
- Billy Joel wooed and married Christie Brinkley. Lesson: You don’t know if you don’t try.
- Twitter troll: “Gas stoves don’t give out poisonous gas if they’re used right.” Me: “If they’re used right, gas stoves give off carbon monoxide and other chemicals when the burners are lit.” Troll: “But carbon monoxide won’t kill you. That’s science.”
- I’ve become a fan of Jamie Oliver’s cooking style. His recipes are approachable and his cookbooks give detailed directions. (I understand he has a reading disability, so making sure instructions are simple and clear is very important to him.) His books are better than his cooking shows. I’ve never been able to make an actual recipe from my favorite cookbook–an issue of a church cookbook from a small town in Louisiana–because the instructions are confusing, but the stories the cook-contributors share are priceless.
- Marge wants people to shoot their guns at the Chinese balloon… which is 60,000 feet in the air. Eleven miles. Straight up. With a gun. Because she’s a believer in science, but apparently not physics.
