A spokesperson for South African President Cyril Ramaphosa’s office announced Wednesday that Russian dictator Vladimir Putin will not be showing up for the BRICS summit in Johannesburg next month, as the host country has not been successful in their attempts to weasel out of their member obligation to arrest the deranged war criminal immediately upon his arrival pursuant to the warrant issued by the International Criminal Court earlier this year, the AFP reports.
“By mutual agreement, President Vladimir Putin of the Russian Federation will not attend the summit, but the Russian Federation will be represented by Foreign Minister Mr (Sergei) Lavrov,” said Ramaphosa spokesman Vincent Magwenya in a statement, though we’d have to question just exactly how “mutual” the decision was. “Well we tried to accommodate you, but rules are rules sooo… Yeah, we’d prefer not to have a bloody firefight between our cops and the Spetsnaz on the tarmac in front of news cameras right after Putin lands. Even if your guy Lavrov seriously gives us the creeps with his rapey mustache, it’s still probably better for everyone if you send him instead.”