Wednesday’s GOP Presidential Debate will be the first time a number of these candidates will be seen by voters nationwide–or for Doug Burgum, maybe even in his own state.  Here’s a handy guide for what can help and hurt each’s campaign, as well as a recommended “shot word” for the inevitable drinking game these jungle debates typically require.

Doug Burgum: DO say your name frequently so people figure out who you are.  DON’T put too much weight on that leg.  Shot Word:  “Energy”

Asa Hutchinson: DO stress your long-standing conservative credentials and record in Arkansas.  DON’T let the audience confuse you with Mike Pence.  Shot Word:  “Normal”

Tim Scott: DO continue kowtowing to the evangelical right to solidify that bloc of your base.  DON’T pretend the current rendition of the GOP will vote you to the top of the ticket.  Shot Word:  “God”

Chris Christie: DO continue to call out the GOP’s false god, Trump, including the fraudulent beliefs his followers hold.  DON’T respond to audience taunts; concentrate on the seven people on stage and the one not.  Shot Word:  “Unrealistic”

Nikki Haley: DO try to make people forget that you once pledged complete fealty to Donald Trump.  DON’T forget the GOP base is a bunch of misogynists at heart, so you’ll get crucified by the base regardless of what you do.  Shot Word:  “Children”

Mike Pence: DO stress to the Republican audience that January 6th was a coup attempt by Trump.  DON’T be so goddamn meek when the audience starts booing your explanation.  Shot Word:  “Constitution”

Vivek Ramaswamy:  DO explain why being rich is the only qualification you appear to have to be on that stage.  DON’T be a douchy “secret” conspiracist; if you’re gonna be a truther, own it.  Shot Word:  “9/11”

Ron DeSantis: DO attempt to appear personable on some level, not like a poorly-programmed Trump Mini-Me.  DON’T concentrate on how woke people are pushing a woke agenda to make a bunch of woke migrants who will take woke children and woke them so they stand there dumb and woke because… woke.  Shot Word: [I wouldn’t be so cruel to make it “woke,” really.]  “Look”

Disclaimer:  Neither NationalZero nor its editors, either together or separately, are responsible for the aftermath of readers imbecilically following our imbibing suggestion and actually doing a shot every time that word is said.  If they end up sending an email to a candidate that results in a visit by the state police, that’s on them.  Oh, and stay away from brown liquor.