REMINDER: Your smartphone will blare an alert tone in t-minus five minutes as a test of the national emergency alert system. If QAnon freaks’ predictions are accurate, the loud tone will also activate secret nanites hidden in COVID-19 vaccines that will quickly render the flesh and bones of the inoculated into metal and glowing silicon, mutating them into mindless violent robozombies.
National Zero will then cease updating as we have no unvaccinated staff members. We would suggest you tune in to Joe Rogan’s podcast for updates on the ensuing chaos. “So like the robot zombies were shrieking these like crazy super-sonic sound waves at me as I climbed over the dumpsters behind the In-and-Out Burger to escape them. Really hurt my eardrums. I was reading this one dude who actually says mercury is good for hearing damage, I think I’ll try to go find some. I mean a lot of scientists said that mercury was bad for you and like poisonous and shit but now they all got turned into robo monsters because of the vax, so I’ll totally try mercury ear drops now.”