After a scathing review of the Supreme Court justice’s questionable financial history during Sunday’s show, John Oliver, the host of HBO’s Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, offered Justice Clarence Thomas a guaranteed $1 million annual income and a luxury motorhome to announce his retirement from the Court within the next thirty days.

“We are prepared to offer you $1 million per year for the rest of your life if you agree to leave the Supreme Court immediately and never come back,” Oliver said grabbing what appeared to be a legal document from his desk.  “Just sign this contract, resign, and the money is all yours.  This is not a joke.  If you’ve watched this show before, you know that jokes really aren’t our thing. …  We have spoken to experts to all say that to the best they can tell, this is all legal, which is crazy to me because it really seems like it shouldn’t be.”

After raking Thomas over the coals for accepting gifts from wealthy “friends” who weren’t Thomas’s friends before he became a justice, Oliver sweetened the deal by adding in a complimentary 40-foot Prevost Marathon motorcoach worth $2.4 million, including four televisions, a washer/dryer, a full-size refrigerator, an upgrade and a bedroom with a kingsize bed–to replace the old one a donor loaned him the money for and which Thomas never paid back.

“And if you’re thinking, what would my friends say if I take this money?  Will they judge me as they sit in their board rooms, mega-yachts, and Hitler shrines?  Will they still treat me to luxury vacations and sing songs about me on their boats?” Oliver asks standing in front of the luxury motorcoach–it’s not an RV, dammit–imploring Thomas to take the assured wealth and retire from the court.  “Well, that’s the beauty of friendship, Clarence.  If they’re real friends, they’ll love you no matter what your job is, so this might be the perfect way to find out who your real friends actually are.”