Kristi Noem murdering her dog in a roadside gravel pit like Canine Soprano is obviously a horrific tale of animal abuse and psychotic behavior, but it also differs in how conservatives treat working people only by degrees.  It’s almost too on-the-nose to be a metaphor.  

To summarize what Noem claims in a new book she did–feel free to skip to the next paragraph if you don’t want the gory details–Noem says she took the family’s 14-month-old dog Cricket hunting, but the dog didn’t behave.  At a roadside stop, Cricket escaped the car and killed some chickens, snapped at Noem when she tried to get him under control. Noem “hated that dog,” she wrote.  So she pulled Cricket into a gravel pit and shot him.  It was so unplanned, her daughter came home from school that day and asked Noem, “Where’s Cricket?”  Noem also killed a goat which annoyed her in a similar manner although–Noem jokes in the book!–the goat was harder to kill.  There were no other options for these animals in Noem’s opinion: No adoption.  No professional training.  Just death.

Unfortunately, Cricket learned what happens to workers conservatives feel are no longer valuable to them–and when I say “valuable,” I mean purely economically.  There is no other value to conservatives besides the value one brings to the economy.  And Cricket’s value to Kristi Noem was like the true value of Trump’s new technology stock:  virtually worthless.

Much like Trump stock–which is not an investment but a novelty–Cricket might have had another happy life elsewhere, but not in Kristi Noem’s America.  Cricket got the ultimate layoff notice.  America’s corporate leaders are slightly more humane thanks to government regulations.  Conservatives make sure that those corporate leaders’ demands are heeded.  As corporate profits in the tens of billions roll in–at lower tax rates put in place by conservative politicians–corporate money goes to pay corporate lobbyists to fight higher minimum wages, better working conditions, and fewer worker rights.

If conservatives had their way, there would be no worker’s comp insurance, and of course, there would be no unions.  As soon as your job gets finished, you’re taken to the corporate equivalent to Noem’s gravel pit, the HR office.  “Don’t burden us with training or safety or insurance requirements,” conservatives say.  They want their dogs immediately trained, with no investment of money or time.  

Public education?  Not needed:  the kids can work in the meat processing plant when they turn thirteen years old.  Higher education–y’know, like 10th grade–is for sissy elites.  Get a real job now.  Health insurance?  We’ll cut your hours so you don’t qualify.  Oh, and we want to eliminate the exchange were you can buy it individually.  But if you want public assistance like Medicaid, you’ve got to get a job to qualify, and those employers don’t have to pay for your health insurance.  

Noem’s account of animal assassination in her new book demonstrated a craven attitude toward others–and not just the animals.  Noem’s daughter came home from school that day looking for the family pet she had just slaughtered.  Noem hadn’t told her family; she didn’t give them the respect.  She didn’t want to hear arguments on the dog’s behalf or pleas of mercy to be taken to an animal shelter.  “Fuck your feelings.  I’m gonna do what I want.  Forget what’s humane or moral.  My convenience is the only thing that matters. And hell, if it makes look bad-ass to famous dog-hater Trump, all the better.  It’ll show him I’ll do the dirty work.”  Right, Kristi?  That’s MAGA!

And that’s how MAGA deals with workers, too.  Texas Republicans fought a mandate requiring workers laboring outdoors get water breaks; they like heat stroke so much they’re appealing a court decision enforcing breaks. Just last week, Louisiana Republicans voted to revoke mandatory lunch breaks for child laborers.  In Arkansas, employers no longer have to verify youth work permits for children aged 14 and 15 that assure their parents’ permission to work, giving “mature looking” 11-year-olds an opportunity to jump-start their careers at the chicken processor. 

Those 11-year-olds will be needed as workers age out either because experienced workers–y’know, 30-year-olds–are making too much and have too many other outside issues like daycare and diabetes and repetitive-action injuries.  Conservatives like Noem don’t believe there’s any employer responsibility after paying the pitifully-small paycheck; any problems are yours.  Thanks for your service, and watch your step on the gravel on your way out.  

Here’s the thing:  the children are the easy targets, but they’re not the only ones.  All workers are in their crosshairs.  While Red states from Idaho to Mississippi are loosening child labor laws and protections, Republicans in Kentucky introduced a series of legislation designed to strip workers’ rights.  In January, House Republicans voted to repeal a regulation giving labor protections to contract workers and franchisees.  Republican-friendly corporate executives like Elon Musk and Starbuck’s Howard Schulz–who has flirted with running for political office as a Democrat–are challenging the legality of everything from specific regulations to the National Labor Relations Board.  Republicans want to ensure workers have no ability to challenge employers through legal means or through organizing.  

Workers, however, are not going meekly, particularly in Republican-run “right-to-work” states.  Workers at a Tennesee Volkswagen overcame strong pushes by management to defeat the effort to unionize.  In North Carolina, Daimler agreed to a profit-sharing agreement with its UAW-represented workers, the first of its kind for the company.  And the Biden Administration is announcing program after program after program dedicating hundreds of millions of dollars to worker retraining and connection hubs, allowing job seekers to find hiring companies and training opportunities.  

In an America run by Democrats, workers get retrained and rehired, not taken to a gravel pit.  No one expects anyone to be perfect when they’re fourteen–years for humans or months for dogs.  No one should have their life’s work dictated to them at such a young age.  And no one should be treated like a disposable commodity like Cricket, and like the American workers who vote for Republicans thinking they give a shit about them.  Because after the election, Americans workers are about as important to Republicans as dogs that don’t hunt.