“This evening at approximately 9:20pm, Deputies assigned to the NPSO Patrol Operations Bureau responded to NATCOM 911 Center reports of a group in Kisatchie National Forest needing assistance according to the Natchitoches Parish Sheriff’s Office. The group consisting of recent Houma graduates traveled from Houma to camp out in Kisatchie National Forest approximately 1 1/2 miles down off of Back Bone Trail in southern Natchitoches Parish After setting up camp, one member of the group ranging in ages of 17-18 called 911 frightened requesting assistance because they reportedly heard a growl and saw what appeared to be an animal that had glowing eyes and stood about 5-feet tall. Deputy B Remo and Cpl D Halliburton responded to the area. Deputies arrived on scene and began to walk towards the camp site looking for any suspicious activity or glowing eyes. Deputies then heard the group’s whistle and located them unharmed.”

“Deputies arrived at the camp site and successfully escorted the group out of the forest. Deputies reported the disposition as unable to locate any suspicious activity involving a growl with glowing eyes and standing 5-feet tall. We congratulate the Houma graduates, thank you for visiting Natchitoches Parish, Kisatchie National Forest and good luck in your future,” says a Facebook post from the Natchitoches Parish Sheriff’s Office, dated June 28th and headlined “IT COULD HAVE BEEN ‘BIGFOOT’ OR A BEAR – DEPUTIES RESCUE HOUMA GRADUATION GROUP.”

How the hell could it have been a bigfoot if it was only five feet tall? And what kind of red-blooded American teenager just runs away and calls the cops when encountering a predatory monster with glowing eyes in the woods at night? Shouldn’t at least some of them have been stoned and/or drunk enough to want to fight it with their bare fists while the others filmed it for a TikTok post?