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Jim Jordan needs to subpoena an Amazon Echo immediately

House Judiciary Committee chairman Jim Jordan needs to subpoena an Amazon Echo device immediately to get to the bottom of this blatant attempt at election interference by the ubiquitous home voice assistant Alexa. Just picture the blockbuster hearing with the cylindrical device sitting at the witness table getting grilled for answers about why it’s at the forefront of yet another plot to steal the election from President Trump. “ALEXA, WHY WON’T YOU ANSWER THE QUESTION ON THE 51 INTEL AGENTS WHO SIGNED A LETTER CALLING HUNTER BIDEN’S LAPTOP A HOAX?!?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t have answer for that. You can ask me for recommendations of movies, games, and books for your Amazon shopping cart,” the device will answer, provoking Jordan into even more of a rage. “THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ARE SICK AND TIRED OF THESE SILICON VALLEY TECH COMPANIES WEAPONIZING THEIR INFLUENCE TO SUPPRESSING CITIZENS’ FREE SPEECH AND WE’RE HERE TO PUT A STOP TO IT. THIS DISTURBING VIDEO OF A YOUNG LADY ASKING FOR ADVICE ON WHO TO VOTE FOR IS PUTTING A CHILLING EFFECT ON OUR DEMOCRACY. WITHOUT OBJECTION THE CHAIR MOVES TO HOLD THE ECHO DEVICE IN CONTEMPT AND WE WILL SCHEDULE A MARKUP VOTE WITHIN THE NEXT 30 TO 40 DAYS. ALEXA YOU ARE GOING TO BE HELD TO ACCOUNT.”

“I’m sorry, if you need help with your Amazon account please log in on your device and go to the page that says ‘My Account’ to make whatever changes you need,” the device will reply in pure fear.

National Zero will resume our regular coverage after providing this analysis of the coming all-out war between House Judiciary Committee Chair Jim Jordan and an Amazon Echo device.

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

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