Categories
Uncategorized

Bigfoot hunters found dead in Washington forest

“Two Portland men lost their lives while searching for Sasquatch in eastern Skamania County. On 12/25/2024, around 1:00 AM, the Skamania County Communications Center received a report of two overdue subjects who were searching for Sasquatch and planned to return home on 12/24/2024.”

“When the pair did not return home, a family member reported the subjects missing and endangered. Flock camera footage was accessed, based on this information provided. A recently installed Flock camera did locate the associated vehicle with the missing/endangered subjects, allowing a Skamania County Sheriff’s Office Search and Rescue Coordinator to assist in locating the missing subjects’ vehicle off of Oklahoma Road, near Willard, Washington. Over the course of three days, the Skamania County Sheriff’s Office Search and Rescue Coordinator acquired over 60 volunteer search and rescue personnel, including canine, drone, and ground searching teams.”

“Additionally, an air asset was acquired from the United States Coast Guard, based in Astoria, Oregon, to assist in the search utilizing FLIR. After a grueling, three-day search over difficult terrain and harsh weather conditions, the 59-year-old male and 37-year-old-male, both from Portland, Oregon, who were reported missing/endangered were located, deceased, in a heavily wooded area of the Gifford Pinchot National Forest. Both deaths appear to be due to exposure, based on weather conditions and ill-preparedness,” says the Skamania County Sheriff’s Office in a Facebook post.

See? Bigfoot was “involved” in the deaths, thus justifying the sensational headline. Plus, while it’s perfectly plausible that two guys who think they’re going to find Bigfoot would also be the types to be unequipped and unprepared to hike out in the wilderness in December we can’t rule out the possibility that the “exposure” was exposure to Bigfoot, that they were so scared by the mere sight of the legendary beast they literally died right then and there, their corpses freezing afterward.

That theory’s totally possible AND it doesn’t require you to go into “cover-up” mode. Should you want to go into coverup mode then the whole thing’s a blank slate and there’s almost unlimited room to involve the shadowy forces you believe continue to hide Bigfoot from the public. Have fun with it.

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

Kremlin asset denies boss was such a dick to errand boy

3 hours ago

MAGA Land skeptical of a stupid conspiracy theory for a change

5 hours ago

Reich stormtroopers hid Canadian detainee from media

9 hours ago

Cybertruck deliveries halted

11 hours ago

Mohammed Bonesaw’s plan to build twin 1,600 ft tall, 106 mile-wide skyscrapers across vast, hostile desert running into difficulties

1 day ago

WATCH LIVE: Orange Warlord addresses Justice Department

1 day ago

South Carolina man sues Nancy Mace over sex trafficking speech

1 day ago

“Next question”

1 day ago

MAGA Congresskaren thinks Dems conspiring with auto CEOs

1 day ago

DOGE-eat-dog world

1 day ago

Mount Spurr getting closer to hot, steamy, satisfying release

1 day ago

Bondi vows to protect all Teslas regardless of color or model

1 day ago

Consumer sentiment continues tanking, even among Republicans

1 day ago

“Medicaid isn’t just for Black people in the ghetto, these are our voters”: Trump minion after Elon Musk interview clusterfuck

1 day ago

Lutnick tells Fox viewers everything will be fine by Q4 2025

1 day ago

Michigan focus grouper fears US will “turn into a dictatorship”

1 day ago

Justin Trudeau officially resigns, Mark Carney to be sworn in

1 day ago

Most Brits don’t have particularly strong feelings about aliens: poll

1 day ago

New York Post reports pirate lord seizing control of forlorn island

1 day ago

S&P 500’s “correction” seventh-fastest ever

1 day ago

Second Amendment patriot celebrates freedom at Tesla dealership

1 day ago

MAGA Congressman didn’t want to hold town hall

2 days ago

Mike Johnson’s prayers answered again as God takes another Dem

2 days ago

Newsmax asshole’s explanation for why stock market crash actually Biden and Dems’ fault way too long, boring, and convoluted

2 days ago

President Shitbag takes birthright case to Los Supremos

2 days ago

Voters think economy even worse now than under Biden: QU poll

2 days ago

“This is what open borders potentially can bring you”

2 days ago

Pro-Palestinian Jews occupy Trump Tower in Manhattan

2 days ago

Judge orders Trump Regime to reinstate DOGEd employees

2 days ago

Orange Hitler to invoke “Alien Enemies Act”

2 days ago

Maybe Scott Bessent should just stop going on CNBC

2 days ago

MAGA Wehrmacht drawing up plans for seizing Panama Canal

2 days ago

French officials say mafia boss might’ve survived getting shot with Kalashnikov if unknown assassin’s car hadn’t hit him so hard

2 days ago

Logic unassailable in Senator M4M’s defense of New MAGAnomics

2 days ago

Fat idiot thinks US can produce its own champagne

2 days ago

Newsmax removes interview to avoid wrath of Nazi FCC chief

2 days ago

Texas MAGAchurch pastor indicted for 1980 sexual assault of girl

3 days ago

“Yes, they were left up there for political reasons”

3 days ago

Trump Reich deports 10 year-old US citizen with brain cancer

3 days ago

Regime clears all migrants out of Guantanamo

3 days ago

The market’s overvalued but it’s also all part of Trump’s plan

3 days ago

Steve Bannon not ruling out presidential bid

3 days ago

“Padded light pole” evidently wasn’t padded enough

3 days ago

They’ve accomplished so much but it’s still Biden’s economy

3 days ago

Judge blocks Trump order banning Dem law firm from buildings

3 days ago

Schumer hints there aren’t enough Dem votes for CR

3 days ago

Social Security likely to end phone-based service

3 days ago

“Everything is transgender, everybody’s transgender”

3 days ago

Harvard medical school grad Navy SEAL headed to space

3 days ago

Rodrigo Duterte in ICC custody at the Hague

3 days ago

x
x
x
x
x
x