Categories
Uncategorized

Nonagenarians urged to apply for free shitty cinnamon whisky

“Fireball Whisky is cranking up the heat with a lifetime supply offering exclusively for the folks who put the ‘social’ in social security and are ready to twi-light up their final years. Saluting the 90+ legends who’ve spent nearly a century making memories, surviving life’s curveballs, and keeping the party rolling, Fireball is offering the most epic senior discount of all: free lifetime supplies of its signature cinnamon whisky to those born on or before 1935. This supply is for the elders who don’t just raise glasses, they raise hell, too. ‘We’ve seen them all over social, we’ve heard directly from the source, and we can confirm one undeniable truth: senior citizens love Fireball. And who are we to argue with their years of wisdom? After all, they were born right as Prohibition was ending and have been breaking barriers and bringing the heat ever since,’ said Danny Suich, Global Brand Director for Fireball. ‘It’s time to celebrate the 90+ crowd, the party royalty who never stopped turning up.'”

“Starting today and running through March 31, aka the 90th day of the year, those 90+ who are ready to prove the fun is far from over can enter for the chance to win a lifetime supply of Fireball. But this red-hot reward is strictly for the winner. No passing it down in the will, no sneaky ‘whisky inheritance’ loopholes, and definitely no ghostly reappearances to claim a refill,” says a press release from the makers of Big Red gum-flavored whisky-ish concoction Fireball.

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

WATCH LIVE: Orange God Emperor rants in Oval Office ceremony

1 hour ago

Dan Bongino to make decision on leaving FBI in next few weeks

2 hours ago

Michigan sheriff prefaces bad news by explaining they found snowmobiler’s helmet near snowmobile-sized hole in frozen lake

3 hours ago

Jaydee will tweet about other Brown University shooting victim Mukhammad Aziz Umurzokov any minute now, probably

4 hours ago

The “I didn’t kill my wife I just butchered her corpse” guy convicted

4 hours ago

Villagers for Trump leader reincarcerated after ballot fraud verdict

5 hours ago

QAdulteress thus far the only Republican reacting to Trump’s post

5 hours ago

Fox News reports vengeful TDS sufferer in LAPD custody

6 hours ago

President declares Rob Reiner a tragic victim of TDS violence

7 hours ago

“We won’t allow you to ruin President Trump’s reputation”

7 hours ago

Chile elects Nazi scion to presidency

8 hours ago

James Woods could’ve just said he’s devastated, minus the politics

8 hours ago

K$H fucks up again: “Person of interest” released in Providence

9 hours ago

US Air Force tanker nearly collides with JetBlue flight off Curacao

24 hours ago

Voters trust Dems over GOP 53 to 47 on affordability: NBC poll

1 day ago

Brown University shooter in custody

1 day ago

Nine dead in shooting during Aussie Hanukkah celebration

1 day ago

Movie Night Saturday: Bullitt

2 days ago

Orange Fuhrer mourns troops killed in non-peaceful Middle East

2 days ago

Team Orange tells donors they’re counting on Supreme Court for midterms help and other grim GOP tales Axios printed week

2 days ago

Thailand and Cambodia didn’t get Trump’s ceasefire memo

2 days ago

Donald not over rejection in Indiana

2 days ago

Regime probably regretting letting Bruna Ferreira out of the gulag

3 days ago

Truth Social alerts users to Obama Admin counsel’s Epstein ties

3 days ago

WATCH LIVE: Jeff’s friend may or may not actually talk to media

3 days ago

“Asian Wife Went With Her Dad’s Friend: A Cuckold Story,” and other interests of Pete Hegseth’s top advisor/mentor Eric Geressy

3 days ago

Oregon cop justified in shooting man holding up loose pants

3 days ago

RNC screaming “CONTEXT” over chairman Gruters’ grim outlook

3 days ago

Canuck biologists find orca and dolphin cooperation very common

3 days ago

Generous Florida patriot donates live hand grenade to Goodwill

3 days ago

Garcia hints that the worst is yet to come

3 days ago

Notice how some faces are not blacked out of Trump-Epstein pics

3 days ago

MAGA Land not as caught up on the news as they think

3 days ago

New York Post reports lawyer got what was coming

3 days ago

Judge blocks ICE from detaining Kilmar Abrego Garcia again

3 days ago

Tim Pool refuses to give cops video of supposed drive-by shooting

3 days ago

WATCH LIVE: Republicans praise their Orange Tormentor

4 days ago

Orange Idiot “pardons” Tina Peters

4 days ago

Kilmar Abrego Garcia released from gulag

4 days ago

Indiana state Senate rejects Trump gerrymander

4 days ago

Virginia grand jury no bills Letitia James indictment again

4 days ago

Jaydee demands unquestioning obedience from Indiana GOP

4 days ago

“When will I get credit for having created, with No Inflation, perhaps the Greatest Economy in the History of our Country?”: Orange Baby

4 days ago

Tennessee inmate executed just two weeks before Christmas

4 days ago

WATCH LIVE: Karoline’s Khristmas Special

4 days ago

Noem cuts and runs from hearing

4 days ago

Dems demand DOJ IG “audit” all Epstein files to check for fuckery

4 days ago

Thune reaffirms commitment to GOP’s “blame Democrats” strategy

4 days ago

Eurocrats face visa revocation for crackdown on Musk Twitter

4 days ago

“Fake polls” just the wrong kind of fake for Orange Grandpa

4 days ago

x
x
x
x
x
x