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Nonagenarians urged to apply for free shitty cinnamon whisky

“Fireball Whisky is cranking up the heat with a lifetime supply offering exclusively for the folks who put the ‘social’ in social security and are ready to twi-light up their final years. Saluting the 90+ legends who’ve spent nearly a century making memories, surviving life’s curveballs, and keeping the party rolling, Fireball is offering the most epic senior discount of all: free lifetime supplies of its signature cinnamon whisky to those born on or before 1935. This supply is for the elders who don’t just raise glasses, they raise hell, too. ‘We’ve seen them all over social, we’ve heard directly from the source, and we can confirm one undeniable truth: senior citizens love Fireball. And who are we to argue with their years of wisdom? After all, they were born right as Prohibition was ending and have been breaking barriers and bringing the heat ever since,’ said Danny Suich, Global Brand Director for Fireball. ‘It’s time to celebrate the 90+ crowd, the party royalty who never stopped turning up.'”

“Starting today and running through March 31, aka the 90th day of the year, those 90+ who are ready to prove the fun is far from over can enter for the chance to win a lifetime supply of Fireball. But this red-hot reward is strictly for the winner. No passing it down in the will, no sneaky ‘whisky inheritance’ loopholes, and definitely no ghostly reappearances to claim a refill,” says a press release from the makers of Big Red gum-flavored whisky-ish concoction Fireball.

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