Categories
Uncategorized

Fake schlong gets South Dakota man in real trouble

A fake penis used for deceiving parole officers with synthetic urine during observed piss tests is a real headache for a South Dakota convict who wasn’t supposed to have it – or the meth and marijuana in his bedroom at his parents’ house, the Mitchell Daily Republic reports.

The piss-fueled nightmare for 45 year-old Mitchell man Courtney Stork began when a detective spotted him driving around town without a license and, rather than stopping, Stork drove home and bolted inside. He then came back out with his mom and consented to a search of the vehicle, in which cops found the “Whizzinator” fake penis rig, an elaborate pump system in which a pouch of fake piss is strapped to one’s abdomen and then they squeeze it out in view of parole/probation officers loathe to look too closely at their dicks. Stork admitted it was his, upon which cops called his parole officer to search the home for the shit that Stork is not supposed to have while enrolled in the 24/7 drug testing program. There they found meth residue and a half-smoked joint.

Local prosecutors took their time on the February 26th incident, and for whatever reason took until this week to bring charges against Stork. On Tuesday he pleaded not guilty to two possession misdemeanors for drug paraphernalia and under two ounces of weed, and possession of meth, a felony. It’s not clear what happened to the fake cock or if it counts as “drug paraphernalia.”

Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019

Bethlehem has a Christmas tree again for the first time since 2022

3 hours ago

Orange Fatass spending his weekend productively

5 hours ago

Grijalva says she was pepper-sprayed by some ICE asshole

22 hours ago

MAGA Florida gov hopeful’s former underage girlfriend speaks up

1 day ago

Brian Cole was all in on “Stop the Steal”

1 day ago

Total alpha just oozes confidence in GOP’s healthcare strategy

1 day ago

Netflix buying up Warner Bros… in theory

1 day ago

K$H used FBI agents as Uber drivers for his woman’s drunk friends

1 day ago

Chicago’s Christians too liberal, says Jewish conservative

1 day ago

ChiComs impose 13 percent tax on condoms

1 day ago

Bondi commands DOJ to pursue evil leftist groups

1 day ago

Toy Soldiers, or why you only matter if Democrats can be blamed

2 days ago

“Shade” is “Gen-Z slang for ‘disrespect'”: MassLive.com

2 days ago

Navy pew-pews 22nd “narcoterrorist” boat

2 days ago

WATCH LIVE: Miserable old bastard lights up Christmas tree

2 days ago

Supreme Court allows Texas to use gerrymandered map

2 days ago

Virginia grand jury no bills regime’s retry against Letitia James

2 days ago

WHOA, T-minus 16 minutes people!

2 days ago

Newly-freed MAGA terrorist Taranto spotted near Raskin’s home

2 days ago

Car thief to stay put in California

2 days ago

“Tonight is a sign 2026 is going to be a bitch of an election cycle”

2 days ago

Nevada hit with 5.9 magnitude quake: malfunctioning USGS alert

2 days ago

Crazy grandpa to restart domestic travel next year: report

2 days ago

WATCH LIVE: Orange Warlord takes credit for Congo peace deal

2 days ago

Bari Weiss to host “town hall” with Erika Kirk

2 days ago

Brian Cole named in DC pipe bombing attempts

2 days ago

Most ACA enrollees to blame Trump/Republicans if costs spike: poll

2 days ago

Susan Collins fans may want to be concerned

2 days ago

Regime giving Letitia James case a second go

2 days ago

Eric Adams signs order banning divestment from Israel

2 days ago

Mike Johnson trying to remove IVF funding from NDAA

2 days ago

FBI arrests January 6th pipe bomb suspect: reports

2 days ago

Georgia state GOP official caught sexting 14 year-old boy

2 days ago

Oregon has crabs again… Chinese ones

3 days ago

Gateway Pundit reports Hegseth failed to purge DEI from military

3 days ago

Missouri libs to submit anti-gerrymandering petition next week

3 days ago

Mike Lindell still alive, to run for Minnesota governor

3 days ago

WATCH LIVE: Orange Grandpa rambles about the usual shit

3 days ago

Mike Johnson now opposed to stock trading ban

3 days ago

Family of dead Colombian fisherman files complaint against US

3 days ago

Markwayne alleges Obama war crime to defend Hegseth war crime

3 days ago

Massachusetts man’s browser history consistent with defense that he didn’t murder wife, only carved up and disposed of her corpse

3 days ago

Chickenshit Jim Jordan subpoenas Jack Smith for closed depo

3 days ago

Benny Johnson wants Omar deported for badmouthing the elderly

3 days ago

Orange Idiot pardons sitting Dem Congressman Henry Cuellar

3 days ago

Surprise! Johnson to swear Van Epps in this week

3 days ago

MAGA Senator suddenly real ignorant about drug cartels

3 days ago

DHS invades New Orleans

3 days ago

ADP jobs report pretty ugly

3 days ago

Evil Jew Soros controlling Congresswoman: Jewish right winger

3 days ago

x
x
x
x
x
x