In an article headlined “Ceremony of Launching Newly-Built Destroyer Takes Place” North Korean state media site KCNA kind of buried the lede by leaving out some important details. Sure, it’s technically correct because the “Ceremony of Launching” took place, but the actual launch itself was… Well it sounds like a lot of navy officials are about to be executed. Or have been executed:

“A ceremony of launching a newly-built 5 000-tonnage destroyer took place at the Chongjin Shipyard on May 21. Kim Jong Un, general secretary of the Workers’ Party of Korea and president of the State Affairs of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, watched the ceremony. A serious accident occurred in the course of the launch of the destroyer. Due to inexperienced command and operational carelessness in the course of the launch, the launch slide of the stern departed first and stranded as the bogie failed to move in parallel, holes made at some sections of the warship’s bottom disrupted its balance, and the bow failed to leave the slipway, leading to a serious accident.”

“After watching the whole course of the accident, the respected Comrade Kim Jong Un made stern assessment, saying that it was a serious accident and criminal act caused by sheer carelessness, irresponsibility and unscientific empiricism which should never occur and could not be tolerated. He seriously warned that the errors caused by the irresponsibility of the relevant officials of the Munitions Industry Department of the WPK Central Committee, the Mechanical Institute of the State Academy of Sciences, Kim Chaek University of Technology, the Central Ship Design Institute and other relevant units and the Chongjin Shipyard responsible for the accident that lowered the dignity and self-respect of our state in a moment would have to be dealt with at the plenary meeting of the Party Central Committee to be convened next month, and censured them for the fault.”

“He earnestly said that restoring the destroyer as soon as possible is not merely a practical issue but a political issue directly related to the prestige of the state and the restoration should be completed unconditionally before the June Plenary Meeting of the WPK Central Committee, so as to make the ardent patriotic loyalty and devoted labour of the workers of the Chongjin Shipyard and the Rajin Shipyard prove fruitful as proud feats conducive to bolstering up the defence capabilities. He gave important instructions on the work of the accident investigation group,” said the article, which was very National Zero-esque in its omission of key details from the headline, except funnier. The North Korean citizens connected enough to have internet access on their 2003 Chinese shitbox PCs are scrollers who just quickly read the headline and skip to the next story too? Who knew?

And yeah, these guys are so freaking dead if they haven’t been killed already. It’s bad enough to fuck this up, but to do it while the boss man is there and watching? Holy shit that sucks for them.