Asking as many of the 26 other Texas Republicans on Capitol Hill as they could if they would endorse increasingly doomed Senator John Cornhole Cornyn in his primary battle with Picasso-faced Attorney General Ken Paxton, Punchbowl News found that none of them would go on the record backing Cornhole – including stupid-faced fellow Senator Ted Cruz, who told Punchbowl he plans to stay neutral. “Cornyn’s camp said that candidates in Texas rarely issue endorsements before the filing deadline,” Punchbowl writes of their spin before pointing out that “Cruz endorsed Cornyn’s 2020 bid in 2018. And Cornyn endorsed Cruz’s 2018 bid in 2017.” So freaking sad, lol.

On the House side, hardcore Trump ballsucker Congressmen Troy Nehls and Lance Gooden, have already endorsed Paxton. A third, Pat Fallon, said “Well, Ken Paxton is a dear friend,” lol. “Oh goodness, no. We don’t even know who’s running, who’s in, who’s out,” said Keith Self. “Why should I?” said Randy “Pussy” Weber. “Staying out of that. I don’t know much about that,” said Brian Babin.

Not quoted directly on their nondorsements are Pete Sessions, Nathaniel Moran, Chip Roy, August Pfluger, and Dan Crenshaw, while quoted directly is the silver-maned conservative himself trying to shake it off. “Everybody who has to run in their own primary usually doesn’t want to alienate half of their voters. I understand that. So I’m not putting anybody in that spot,” said Cornyn, as if he didn’t tweet a pic of himself looking like a fucking idiot in front of a stupid Trump Burger in Houston last month or the Trump endorsement from 2019 to try to kind of make it look new two days later.